u/Ok-Author4688

My A.S degree was almost like my own version of a gap year, or getting left back. I was always considered smart by others and I believe them. I'm confident that I'm mentally sharp enough to simply learn and adapt. However, after highschool my lack of actual discipline, emotional regulation, poor study habits/skills, and ADHD showed how far behind I truly was in terms of being able to execute and function.

I've retaken multiple classes, and recently dropped 2 semester consecutively. Luckily because I decided to take summer classes I'm not far behind of my peers at community college at all and I have 1 more year left and I graduate CC.

My GPA went as low as a 1.7, i got it to a 3.0 in 1.5 semesters, I'm shooting for a 3.5 before I graduate and my goal is to simply maintain a 4.0 while I'm completing my AE (B.S). Not only am I recovering my mental health but I'm building the skills I never built pre-college.

I decided that STEM is where I'm most succesful, that's where all my A's and B's are. I did chemistry, physics and retook algebra, the rest are gen ed. I'm taking precalc and calc 1 my sec year as well as other requirements needed to transfer into UB'S AE degree program.

Now here is the point of this post, I have a lot of energy, I'm mad that I lost time and progress after highscool. I feel like I need to make up for that lost progress if I want to be an Aerospace Engineering student.

While I'm completing the last year of my A.S degree what self-study/skills/projects should I focus on in order to bridge the gap where I am today and where I'm expected be as an AE student in one year? I have lots of (admittedly, carved out) free time and mental energy.

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I'm 20 and recently decided to go from a liberal arts associates degree to an Aerospace engineering Bachelors degree.

I'm taking pre-calculus because I never took it in highschool. It's a breeze but Im becoming a bit too obsessed.

On one hand, it drives me to complete my stem courses and study. Since I'm led by a professor it's easier to pace myself and move to new topics.

--On the other hand, when I'm self-studying I hyperanalyze to a point where I stagnate. I've only completed 5 pages in two months of having my own personal precalc book due to inconsistency and psyching myself out.

The good thing about pre-calculus is that I get to review everything I learned in highschool and make sure I fully understand it on a fundamental level. I no longer have to rely on memorization.

But it just takes too long, I psych myself out of it too often and I have so many interest. I fear that I'm just gonna fall behind because I won't move on.

I dont know, maybe I just have to convince myself it's worth it and structure myself a bit better. I think I've accidently gained a passion for math i just don't know how to put it into proper execution.

Maybe it's just a phase but I'm wondering if any one else can relate. I'm a very linear learner and I feel like I can't catch up with myself.

Joining a Dojo requires social interaction.

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Being at the Gym requires being around people.

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Working requires being among others.

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Helping people means I have to be around people.

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I don't want to speak.

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I don't want to have to work with people.

I feel so drained.

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But I have responsibilities.

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My heart wants to help and to grow but I my nervous system is so averted towards others.

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I'm as reclusive as batman but as heartful and loving as Superman.

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I want to be alone, yet I crave connection or at least an outlet for my social energy. I don't want to be sad and I dont want to be trapped in limbo. I've been dealing with it my whole life. It's like all my senses are dialed up, like Superman. But I end up getting to overwhelmed and overstimulated.

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If I didn't have help from my uncle who taught me karate and coached me throughout life I wouldnt have gotten this far.

People actually love me, people are attracted to me because I'm a bright spirit and I seek the truth and light. But I don't know what to do with it. It's so overwhelming.