AIO - My bf acts like im his mom
My bf [M24] and i [F23] have been living together for more than 2 years and i love him very much but he “makes” me do all the housework.
If i ask him to load the dishes or do laundry he says yes and it never happens or he does it hours to days later. (He has not once since we moved in together done the laundry for example)
He doesn’t know how to cook and i have tried teaching him but he shows little to no interest.
He does still clean the house occasionally, but only once every two months or so and i feel like he knows i will do it if he doesn’t do it.
(It wasn’t like this when we first moved in together but a year in he started getting more depressed and stressed about having such little time.
He also recently lost a close friend of his and its the first loss he has experienced.)
When i clean the house it takes me the whole day and i get so tired after it because it piles up so easily.
both of us work everyday for 8 hours and when i come home i usually try to clean and maybe cook if i have time and then the day is almost over when im done.
but when he comes home from work he just plays video games or meets friends etc.
We have talked about having kids and getting married in the future and i told him that it wont happen unless he changes his habits.
I informed him that when he has learned how to cook meals and clean the house regularly without me having to ask, we can start talking about trying.
I told him three weeks ago that he needs to clean the kitchen bc I’ve cleaned it alone the last 10-15 times and i really dont have the time and energy to clean every day after work and he said yeah fine thats fair, but he still hasn’t done it.
The kitchen looks horrible, no dishes available, utensils or cups.
Everything is dirty, the counters are barely visible and where they are visible theres just trash and dirt stuck to the counter.
I really want to clean the kitchen, but if i do it im just proving to him that i give up and clean it for him when he doesn’t.
I also told him that if he doesn’t start helping out with the housework i cant live with him, the mess doesn’t bother him as much as it bothers me.
(Just to be clear i like our relationship and hes the best guy ive ever been with but the housework and cooking he just cant seem to do anymore)
We love each other so much and he shows me that in so many other ways (not referring to anything sexual or buying my affection) and i dont want to break up with him but recently ive just been so sad to have to clean alone again and again, that i seriously considered giving an ultimatum, either start helping out or i cant be with you anymore, but thats not what i really want🥺 help me out guys.
What should i do? Am i overreacting over this, i feel like I’ve tried everything. What are your experiences with partners that act like you’re their mom?🫣😩
I feel like im overreacting and its just a rough time for him mentally.
Also any tips for adhd cleaning would is greatly appreciated.
If you have experienced this do you have any advice or ideas that might make him listen?