u/Ok-Dog-703

ok so im a teen now and ive forever hated being a girl for obvious reasons and js cos being a boy would be way better, cooler and easier.

like..... ive always thought how cool i would be as a boy and how easy it would be to be perceived as "attractive", etc etc.

and at the ripe age of like, EIGHT, i kid you not, i would legit PRAY every night that i would wake up a boy and never have to be a girl again.

not cos i had any sorta trauma, but js cos i wanted to be a boy THAT. BAD.

and..... oof.

warning, the next thing im gonna admit to is pretty fuckin weird, but, i HAVE to get it out.

ok.

so.

whenever i would shower as a kid, i would make "potions" with all the different soaps and shit and pretend to drink it like a ritual while telling myself that i would be a boy after it was done and then i would open my eyes and look down at my crotch and hope to see a penis but no COS WHY WOULD THERE BE ONE THERE INSTEAD OF A YKNOW THAT ILL FOREVER HAVE ??!!??.....

and i wasnt like 5 or smth, i was like.. TEN AND ELEVEN.

PLEASE tell me theres at least ONE female out there who thought like this as a kid and still does (OBVIOUSLY NOT THE SOAP POTION PART), but..... 🫩

i have a good friend i made in school last year.

in the beginning, (i think??) she was pretty all over me and i was all over her too.

we were a cute duo.

she has sleeping problems (might be important when questioning if shes ignoring me, idek??) and is always somehow busy. which i get!! but.. also dont, cos im lwk a bum..... :'D

but for some reason, she barely ever responds to my texts and whenever i call her she says she has something to do or shes out. 🥹

i believe the "busy/out" thing but..... idek anymore.

her phones not dead cos my messages are delivering.

shes active on different platforms but rarely ever responds to my messages.

it lwk hurts, but idk! cos we act super excited when we actually get the chance to hang out, even tho we havent seen each other since school i think. 💔

maybe she has her notifications off ???

maybe.

but, what do u guys think ? lol.

ive loved animals for my whole entire life.

even in my teen years, i still like to run around and play like an animal/yea, im also a pet regressor but im wondering if its more that just, yknow, that.

i swear im not a narcissist or anything but for some reason, i only really cry when an animal dies compared to when a human dies.

like, i recently drove past a duck who was struggling to cross the street cos !TW! her guts were falling out and she was.... dying. unfortunately.

another story was when my family friend rescued a dog and brought her camping.

the family friends nephew came to visit and started pulling on the dogs tail and i started crying because she looked terrified.

i laid with her for the whole entire rest of the day and made sure she was ok.

ive also always just been a super empathetic person, and i know that even animals experience pain and grief and trauma too, just like humans.

in my beliefs, i really do believe that animals are just as important as humans and go to heaven when they pass, even tho they dont have souls.

ive always felt different than my friends and family and just other humans in general (i think that im ND..... not 100% sure yet/in the process of being diagnosed with SOMETHING, lol.....).

i dont identify AS an animal, but ive always deeply identified WITH animals.