the pittsburgh music scene
it's a heavy, brutal summer morning in oakland on semple street, a lousy seven AM; the kind where it's bright as fuck out and you've been up all night, in this case, with a lousy seven from gooski's who just graduated that you didn't get it up for because you had too many beers (beers make you bloated and have to fart in bed) and she doesn't give good head anyways. you were both incredibly sticky because it's the middle of the climactic 2025 summer hot season... and now, it's already 87 degrees out and the day has barely started. you're a film bro CS major junior in a pitt frat. she's a year older than you and a film major. you're both VERY scared of AI.
there are two shows tonight, and you and this woman cannot decide which to go to. you want to go to the "wacky vase" (very mid funk/jam pop) and "the deep beyond" (wicked bad jam band) show at the church venue, a place that makes indie music for Everyone, and she wants to go to the hammer house to see a very chick-themed show, a venue which imposes strict rules and discipline for attendees and instills a fear of authority, because her friend claims to know lydia slocum. you cannot come to a decision and rather begin daydrinking, leading to getting naked again.
it's 4pm, and you're still hanging out, and you got some of that bad head thrice over the course of the day (you got it up at least by the third one W) and you're drinking one of the smirnoff malt beverages with her when a massive butch lesbian, whom she introduces as her plug, arrives. she buys about $150 worth of ketamine from this woman and you naturally try a bit... you do one line with her and then she gets you to do a huge line. you do the huge line and sit down.
a while goes by... she gets upset. you ask what's wrong. she wants to go to the hammer house. you murmur that your brothers need you to go see wacky vase and the deep beyond, but it fails to convince her. she says the doors are at 6 and she needs to get there to see her friends, and she says she wants to start doing these kinds of things with you... you acquise, and she seems contented. then, another while later, after you've been k-holing for some amount of time, she becomes agitated again.
"There are going to be rules. Can I trust you to follow them?" she asks.
"What?" you respond, gently.
"There are rules at the house and I have to make sure we're not gonna get thrown out or anything. We just met. I just... there's a video."
she puts her phone in front of you and shows you this video from the hammer house's instagram. it plays multiple times on repeat, and she doesn't take the phone away. it fully hypnotizes you, breaks your will, and pulls you under. you will be going to the hammer house so she can meet her friend who is friends with lydia slocum, and you will be following the rules.
...
a few hours pass by and you're at the hammer house, dancing on ketamine with this woman to some chick rock, when several large men arrive at the house and demand to speak with you. they are able to finangle their way through the house's security, despite their flagrant violation of the house rules, and ultimately lay their hands on you despite the woman's objections. you are taken to a vehicle where you are instructed to strip down to your underwear, at which point you are transported to the frat house on parkview avenue. you are rushed inside fast enough so that nobody sees your half-nude body getting escorted into the house. you are handed a suit on a hanger and instructed to change into it in the nearby bathroom: you violated the Bro Code, and you will be promptly transported by the frat's authorities to the church venue to attend the sactioned occasion you missed by being "out in fucking la-la-land with some Gooski's Hoe."
upon arriving at the venue, you are first instructed to check in with your arranged date from the sister sorority, who lands a fat wet kiss on your mouth because she's very drunk and you know each other. instructed to find evan, the frat leader, because he needs to speak with you. you find evan and he tells you "hold on, it's loud in here, i've got some stuff to do, just follow me," so you follow evan expecting to be talked to. evan has to go talk to some guy that runs the place backstage so you come along with. you reach the back room and evan is told to wait while they finish something up. It's a back office space, and they're playing music: Cousins by Kanye West.
"He told Anna everything," one said to the other.
"What did he say?"
"What he said the first time that Izzy freaked out about."
"Has she told anyone?"
"No. She still wants to book a show."
"That's good. I knew she was chill."
"Yeah, I wasn't expecting this. I thought she was gonna fucking kill me."
"So her friends are cool now, too?"
"Yeah man, I'm pretty sure."
"Do they know?"
"Not unless he told them or through Izzy."
"How's it going against him?"
"Fine. It's just in court. I thought we had him the other night."
"What happened?"
"(inaudible) almost pinched him at Mardi's, but he got away. My friend who was with him told me he was drinking Everclear before he even got to the bar."
"Was he drinking at Mardi's?"
"Yeah."
evan walked up to the main one and said he had some shit to do and had to get done with this, so the guy acquiesced, they talked, and evan shook his hand and took you aside.
"You can't be fucking up like this anymore, man."
"I'm sorry, dude. I'm just on so much fucking ketamine right now."
"I don't care what you're on. You better be fucking sorry. We lost Greek Sig because of you."
"I'm fucking sorry."
"Go with Hannah, buddy. I hit last night. Get lucky."
you go back with hannah and she hands you a hydroflask full of borg juice. you hit it, dance, and black out an hour later.
...
it's a heavy, brutal summer morning in oakland on semple street, a lousy seven AM; the kind where it's bright as fuck out and you just woke up with a pounding hangover in the bed of a lousy seven, but you're all the way out in fucking crafton at her parents' house. she called you two an uber to the wrong place in a drunken haze. and then her dad walks in