u/Ok-Flower3338

I (F22) am having trouble getting my (F13) cousin to respect me and my authority.

For some context, her parents aren't in the picture, so my mother adopted her some years ago. But recently, there was an altercation that isn't allowing my mother to be around my cousin right now, so I am the temp parent until my mother completes some courses.

In the mean time, I've been taking care of and watching over my cousin, feeding her, taking over bills, making sure she gets to and from school, making sure she's been getting her schoolwork done, assigning chores, that kind of stuff.

I'll admit, our relationship has always been rocky, especially when my mother was around. My cousin never liked taking accountability for her actions, always had someone else to blame, stole my things, failed most of her classes, got into fights, snuck out, felt entitled to do whatever she wanted, including if she felt like going to school or not. My mother always enabled her spoiled, entitled behavior, making her this sensitive, lazy person with endless excuses that lacks any real motivation or drive to do anything. It made me want to help her, but she never accepted my help, and opted to get defensive and loud, always arguing until she cries over the smallest things. It makes me fearful to approach her with anything, especially now that I'm on my own with her.

She doesn't respect my decisions, she curses me out, she will repeatedly talk over me and tell me to "shut up" until she's screaming, and she'll outright ignore me or put a hand to my face. No matter what angle I come from, no matter how peaceful, quiet, respectful and stern I come across, it's not gentle enough for her to come down and relax. Just today, she threw a fit because she didn't want to go to school because "it's raining" and then purposely made herself late by 40 minutes to find a "rain outfit".

I don't know what to do or how to help her anymore, I'm trying to get through to her, but she doesn't see me as an adult figure with guidance and leadership, she sees me as being beneath her. I'm scared that if she acts this way now in the 8th grade that she'll just do whatever she wants by high school, and my advice or discipline will mean absolutely nothing, and she'll miss out on the most important moments of her teenage years.