u/Ok-Reply-3877

trigger warning bc i will be talking about outing & transphobia.

i found out recently at my job there's a rumour about one of my coworkers being a trans woman. apparently, word has it that my boss actually outed her and was telling people we now have a trans employee. it's unclear if she stated it was this employee or if this is who people just assumed it was. thing is that this coworker in question has never stated herself that she is trans or anything. and she's fairly an open book as well especially since we both bond and talk a lot about our experiences with BPD and other personal matters.

another major issue : i know for a fact there's a few people on our team who are transphobic. and the way people are talking about this coworker is transphobic as well. it's uncomfortable as a trans person myself whose closeted & pre-t but also i'm worried for my coworker as well. regardless if it's true, this can put a target on her back ( especially because i live in the rural south and she is a black woman ). either way, it's not anyone's business if she is or not. i expressed my concern to my two other coworkers with them talking about this being an ethics issue but they sort of just brushed it off because "it's not like they really care if she's trans". but i know there's people at my job that do and have made weirdly transphobic comments on the past.

i want to report this to hr but there's no evidence to actually prove this discussion took place. it's all hearsay. i'm hearing this from two coworkers who heard it from another who supposedly heard it from our boss. i'm sort of stuck on where to go and what to do. either way, this is not feeling good at ALL.

i am cross posting this since i got no other advice on the other subreddit and i just want some bit of help from others that have had similar experiences . . .

for a bit of context : i'm recently diagnosed. i've only been diagnosed for a month and never considered myself to possibly have bpd beforehand. i'm still learning somethings and learning to manage it.

i recently came to the realisation one of my friends is my fp ( more like my therapist told me that he was ). i don't like that, i don't want it. i don't want my emotions on one person and i don't like being codependent at all. i've always been someone who seeks independence and i used to be in remission until a major trigger came into my life recently and it's made me more attached to my fp. rn, i've taken a step back but it sucks because i still want to talk to him and reach out without making myself spiral when my expectations aren't fulfilled.

unfortunately most advice i've found though is basically make yourself hate them / quit being friends with them. i don't need or want that. in fact, the reason he ended up as my fp is because this is ironically the healthiest friendship i've had, except for this stupid fp thing that developed recently. i don't want to and can't afford to lose the friendship when it has healed a lot of parts of myself and actively challenges my attachment issues from my bpd. i just don't want my identity around this person. i don't want to be codependent on my friend but i don't want to lose them either. if anyone has any advice, please help. i'd talk to my therapist except we've set up other things to go over and i just feel like hearing from other pwBPD would help me.