Failed first year
Hello, Im not sure what to do. Im in Bioengineering. Ive failed all my classes my first semester except 1 credit hour with an A+, second semester is withdrew from 1, another is currently an incomplete, and i passed the others. This summer semester im currently failing both. I had a full ride, now my aid for next year has come out and i would owe 20k because I lost all my scholarships. I am not failing because I cant understand the content or anything, I just cant bring my self to care to do it, even though I know im uterlly stupid for not. At the same time I care sooo much, I feel like ill die everytime I think about my classes im failing or what I will do to stay enrolled. I am diagnosed ADHD and MDD as of last spring semester, but i dont know how much or if that is contributing, i think i might just be idioticlly lazy mabey. I dont think I can tell my parents at all, ive been lying to them all this time that im doing great in school, because if im not im not i think they will be extremely angry. My mom will just be disappointed, but my dad has violent outbursts, and im sure this will cause one. Also I dont want to dissapoint them as they call me their favorite, and I know thats vapid and stupid but I don't want to lose that. High school was the same but I never failed. Freshman year I only went to 11% of my classes, but still passes with 1 C, As, and Bs, because teachers accepted late work. Sophomore year I had 100% attendance and perfect grades, this is the only year where I wasent in AP classes, advanced, or science pathways, I was im a law enforcement pathway. Junior and Senior year I had all APs and around 30% attendance but all A's because I swindled with doctors notes where I faked illnesses with my mom to turn in work late. Im trying to see how I can recreate my Sophomore year, and the only thing is I had less too do in terms of homework and I was more happy with clubs everyday untill 6-8pm. My junior and senior year i had wrestling keeping me out as late or later, but no real improvement to attendance. Ive been thinking I might join the fire department or military cuz thats what I did closest in Sophomore year, but Id have to keep it hidden from my parents, and live in my car when im supposed to be in my dorm. Any advice yall i feel so stupid yet nothing about this at the same time? Idk if im built for school.