u/Ok-Space5864

I'm currently driving a model year 2009 vehicle that is constantly falling apart and causing me to fall into debt. I do not want a car. I do not want to have to drive a car but I live in an area where car dependency is necessary if you want to be able to live and work.

Every day I drive my car, I feel like I am sitting in a ticking time bomb. Not only because I fear the next costly repair (mechanics in my area charge $175/hr for labor), but because there is a huge racing culture in my area and pedestrian, driver deaths, and property destruction happen on almost a weekly basis. Driving here is terrifying. Rising gas prices are another added concern.

Public transportation is unfeasible and poorly designed to actually be functional or reliable.

I know I'm not the only one who can't get out of debt and poverty because they are constantly sinking money into a vehicle just so they can earn income. But it's never quite enough.

My greatest dream is to live in a city that is not car dependent and has a functioning public transportation system. Creating usable public transport in American cities would alleviate the need for cars and lighten the heavy load some of its poorest residents face.

Spent $1700 last month (financed and still not paid off) on new vacuum pump (it was leaking), one axle, and oil change. Almost exactly a month later, car started throwing Power Steering and ABS lights while reversing at parking lot speeds. It was intermittent until P/S finally failed yesterday and I had the car towed.

Mechanic tested the alternator and says it was reading at 9 volts. He recommends replacement and quoted $670. I need to ask if that is new or rebuilt. In any case, I do not have this money upfront. Alternator is original and has never been replaced. Car has 165K miles on it.

My car is dying because of age and because I have been using it for deliveries while I look for a full time job. Last year the engine was replaced with a used engine that had 75k mi on it for $3100 after negligent work was done by another mechanic who fried it. They took no responsibility and I have a small claims case against them coming up next month.

I must have a car because driving is my only source of income at the moment, but I do not make enough to keep dropping thousands of dollars like this every couple of months. Without a job, no one will finance me for a newer car. I feel royally f**ked. Credit is less than 700 as well.

I haven't worked full time in almost a year (got pushed out of my last job by ww) so I have had to rely on doing gig work. Last night I went out to do some deliveries and it ended in a complete PSTD breakdown.

The customer lived in an area with blocks and blocks of huge apartment complexes and every single fucking one had people in the street lighting off fireworks. It was like a literal war zone. As someone with PTSD, fireworks have always set me off but I have never had to be so up close and personal with them. I usually stay home and hide. Now, I would have to drive or walk through my literal worst nightmare.

The streets were completely blocked off by these idiots and I had no way to reach the customer. I called and told her the situation. She had no empathy whatsoever. Old white woman who just needed to stuff her face with Panda Express and could not have cared less what her driver had to go through to get it to her.

Because the streets were all blocked off, once I turned down her street, I could not get out (and there was only one way out). I began to panic. I called driver support. They refused to cancel the order for me and sent me to someone else. The other support sent me back to Driver Support and the app would not allow me to cancel this bitch's order. In the meantime, the ww customer was blowing up my phone with nasty messages asking where her food was. By this time, I was in tears, my nervous system completely shot, crowds of people, and loud fireworks all around me, and my body drenched in sweat from the whole ordeal and lack of support.

I called the old white b back and explained that support would not help me cancel the order and that I had no way to reach her address because of the ongoing fireworks. She told me she didn't want cold food and refused delivery. AFTER ALL THAT. I finally got fed up and threw her food directly into the trash and tried to find my way out of that hellscape because I was now in a full blown PTSD breakdown/panic attack. I took me an hour to find my way out and get home.

These fucking white people have absolutely no empathy or understanding. I can't imagine someone calling me and saying they couldn't reach me because the streets are blocked and hearing them in distress but only caring about my shitty fast food. But that's how they are. That's how they fucking are.

ETA: I will likely be deactivated from the platform for not completing the delivery even though I had no way to do so and reached out for help multiple times. Gig workers are beyond exploited by these trash companies and trash customers.

Without being super long winded, I keep feeling like I can't connect with people in the my training cohort. I graduated 6 months ago and some of us kept in touch via group emails.

It's hard not to notice that emails I initiate almost never get a reply. When I mentioned I had been certified, literally no one congratulated me, even though I was the first in our cohort to do so. When another member recently announced her certification many months later, multiple people took the time to respond and congratulate her.

I have sent the group info on how to get fee waivers for their exams, etc. Always info that seemed relevant and helpful, but no one really acknowledges it. So I stopped engaging months ago. But seeing those congratulation emails to the other member today just brought up that same dynamic and how hurtful/rude it feels. I always take the time to congratulate and encourage everyone but that same effort has never been returned.

All of these people were really friendly and kind during our training so I did not expect to be the one always pushed out like this. It does feel that way anyway. Part of me wonders if they don't really care because unlike the majority of them, I did not overcome addiction, jail/prison, or homelessness. Maybe my life circumstances didn't seem as severe, but my struggles were with mental health and overcoming abuse, not addiction.

In any case, it leaves me wondering if I will have that same feeling of being unable to connect if I work in peer support. Or if people will treat me differently because I did not have the same struggles. We all have different things we have overcome. I'm not sure why one person would be worthy of more support than another.

Our very old Maytag refrigerator finally gave out to day. As I was looking into buying a new one, I found that the city of Anaheim offers up to $200 in rebates for low income customers when they buy an Energy Star certified unit. They also offer another $50 rebate when you recycle your old fridge.

The $250 would really help with the cost right now.

Has anyone actually gone through the rebate process in Anaheim? Can anyone recommend a good place to buy a new fridge in the North OC area? We will probably need financing.

white men don't feel they need to ask consent to treat you as an object in their worldview. many of them believe your consent is not required because their authority is the ultimate authority.

they can degrade you. they can capitalize on your image or your work, and even if you say no (multiple times), your word means nothing to them. they feel entitled to TAKE whatever they want in this world.

more often than not, they get away with it because the people they target do not have the same financial means in order to fight back legally. institutional power is still largely held by the same group of men and those men will be complicit in your exploitation. in fact, white men count on this being true. they know who to target. they know who the world doesn't care about and won't protect.

from colonialism to slavery, white men have subjugated people of color with brute force, never seeing them as fully human in the same way they see themselves or their own families. if you are not quite human, then you are not quite deserving of basic dignity and respect in their eyes.

your "no" will always mean "yes" to them. your distress will always give certain types of sadistic white men pleasure. but their brutality has always been rooted in envy. when they see a person who is still alive inside, they are confronted with the hollowness within themselves. when they see a person who feels joy, they are confronted with the void inside their souls. when they see the talent of people of color on display, they reach for imitation and appropriation, never giving credit to the true creators.

the current president of the USA and the policies he has enacted, is a perfect example of the depths white men will sink to out of pure envy at the success, talent, and dignity of a person of color they view as unequal, beneath them, and an object of rivalry. they embarrass themselves at every turn.

white men (and women) need humbling in this world. their destruction knows no bounds. the world and its peoples are not their plaything to destroy.

I got certified in March 2026 and thought this was what I wanted to do. What really changed my mind was seeing some of these community health and peer support agencies up close.

My training organization was a mess. So many broken promises and lack of accountability everywhere. Then a friend I met through my training had a peer support organization promise him he would receive rental assistance but they never followed through. More lack of accountability. They left him hanging while facing possible homelessness. Trying to get in touch with anyone from these agencies felt like a nightmare. Funding is constantly being cut and entry level jobs don't pay enough to be able to afford a one bedroom or even studio apartment where I am.

Then more things kept happening that made it clear to me that this is not the right path for me.

The whole system seems so broken in ways I was not fully aware of until I saw it up close and personally. I have a lot of respect for people who can do this work, but working within and being part of a broken system is something I know I would not be able to handle. More than that, I realized the thought of doing this work every day would not only not excite me when I got out of bed every morning, it would likely depress me further.

I've decided to do what makes me happiest, which means returning to photography. I'm grateful for the things I learned in training and think a lot of it was valuable even if it never lead to a job for me.

I understand I am required to report any income that takes me over my income reporting threshold. I did election work last month and was paid for my training, which took me over my IRT.

However, this was a temporary position only. I was hired for 5 days of work for the election only and am not expected to continue. What proof will I need to show, if any?

I dread having to ask this employment agency for any proof because they are terrible with communication and it was a struggle to simply get issued my paychecks.

ETA: my only other source of income is UberEats delivery

Anyone else come from a horrible family where your family was your first abuser?

My family is so horrible, I would truly wish them upon no one (except maybe themselves). My last therapist straight up said "I think I would go insane if I had to grow up in your family. You have such a strong mind and strong will".

Honestly, she has no idea. She only knew like a tenth of the shit I went through with them. The shit I experienced from birth to now with these people would break even the strongest person. At times, I truly do not know how the fuck I am still here. From 2018 to 2023, I had no contact with anyone in my family and I was thriving (or trying to anyway).

Due to recent circumstances, I was forced to reconnect with them and it has been absolute fucking hell. I do not fit into my family in any way and I do not abide their bullshit, which is why they live to make my life miserable. But I am no longer giving them the satisfaction.

If you are in the same kind of circumstances, I urge you to continue feeding yourself with what nourishes you. For me, it is creativity and advocacy for others. Do not let your soul sucking family dim your light or steal your joy. I know it's easier said than done.

You were meant to be loved and cherished, not abused and gaslighted. Stay true to yourself as best you can. If your family treats you like trash, they are to be pitied, more than anything.

In solidarity...

2025 sucked my soul out of my body and sent it straight to hell. Or at least, that is what it felt like. So much fuckery and white interference.

2026 has been better but I am still exhausted and find my tolerance for even the slightest bullshit, just about used up. In 2025, I quit two jobs. I have not worked full time since August of last year and honestly, I am terrified to work again but struggling financially is not where it's at. I am not enjoying my life and I want to.

In March, I got certified as a Peer Support Specialist but the closer I get to actually working in the field, the more I see how broken all these systems are and how most just keep marginalized people in their place. The pay for entry level jobs is not livable and when the majority of people doing the work identify as women of color, those wages will likely stay low for the foreseeable future because we are not properly valued in any way.

I'm just so fucking tired. I want to feel inspired and creative again but all I feel is ready to take a damn nap.

How many people are living in poverty because they got pushed out of jobs, bullied by white people at work, or never found the support they truly needed? How much potential was lost?