Heartbroken and Alone
I'm struggling. After almost 20 years of being together my wife told me she is gay. When we met she admitted she was Bi and preferred women, but we shared a deep connection and connected intimately so well. That continued fine for years. After we had kids it got harder and we didn't have support or invest in our romantic relationshiop and intimacy like we used to. She said the family was most important. To show my love I put the family first in everything as did she. Then her brother came out as trans nonbinary. That was fine, but she confronted them about not being there for her. Her sibling threw me under the bus and stated he wasn't there for her because they didnt like me. They went on and on about how great things were for them and their wife with their polycule and new identity while also bemoaning how hard it is to be trans. Then she met her new friend and "gender warrior" nonbinary person. They met at a poetry event and suddenly she was hanging out with this person constantly. She stated they didnt like men and shortly after she said she would never sleep with a man again, and she wanted a divorce. I begged her to work through it and our issues in couples counselling and try to repair our relationship for our family and our kids. She refused. Now Im living with this person who wont communicate with me, involves their new friend with our children at every opportunity, as I struggle alone suddenly without my best friend watching her put more into her new identity than she would work on our relationship. She avoids all family activities if they involve me in any way. I'm struggling as the divorce proceeds. I have few friends or nearby family as I put everything into our kids and relationship. I'm 40 years old and facing starting over in everything. I feel I'm too old to find anyone else and with my kids being so important its hard to see how anyone could feel ok being with me when I will always prioritize my children first. We are awaiting lawyer negotiations and I have made the point I'm trying to be kind and doing no fault for her and even custody. She goes out every weekend until 4 am with her new friends, while I take care of the children. I was a stay at home dad for years and told her I wanted to work on our relationship so many times only to be met with no action and when I formulated plans they were shot down or met with disconnection. How can I survive this? I just want to disappear but know my kids need me. I'm so close with them, but I'm so hurt from their Mom. I miss my best friend.