r/straightspouses

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Delusional, calm, and understanding. Thinking you can "fix" this...

Why would you even want to? Why!? Why risk it all again? You aren't making life better. This is a gamble and the odds aren't great.

No one can be fixed form this.

He is with you because it is easier. It won't be easier on you either way.

He didn't stop because he wanted to. He did it because he got caught!

She has a dam holding back emotions because she is scared. This isn't worth it. You won't ever trust him.

Breaks my heart that we have women trying to stay in a marriage with gay men.

We are worth more that this! Way more than their cheap, desperate, hook-ups! Let them live in the excess and filth. They won't ever be happy.

RECAP: I was married to this woman for 18 years, had kids, planned to die in this woman's arms of old age or viceversa (silly me right?). When I met her, I knew she was Bi but from what I understood being Bi didn't mean you were poly. In January she drops a bombshell on me that she "emotionally cheated" on me with a woman. It was devastating, but according to her it only led to romantic talking and sensual hugs. We tried to work it out we broke up, got back together and then finally settled on divorce. Due to the economy our house hasn't sold and we had to rent a house together where I am relegated to a guest room. But my concern is my kids so I'm trying to cope. I still love this woman deeply (crazy right?) even though I do not want to be with her (for what she did to me) and don't expect to ever be with her again.

I was cleaning up around the house I share with the now Lesbian wife, hopefully soon to be ex-wife, and I found some rolled up binder paper.

My kids, 14 and 17, often have rolled up binder paper like this laying around and one time it was an assignment that had not been turned in. All this to say I didn't mean to..... I read it and it was two love letters from my wife and her love interest.

This is the person who "helped her see she was not in love with me and instead a lesbian." That person, the love interest hereby known as the D.r. is also married. She is married with a woman and has a daughter around 4 years old. In March my wife hereby known as the Nurse, told me that they broke it off and weren't going to talk anymore.

I can't really explain why but it has always been important to me that this be true. That they were not still talking and that they were not pursuing a relationship. To me it was about morals, dignity and respect. The Dr. is married and they have a child and even though it shouldn't matter to me I felt like that was trifling and scandalous of the nurse.

The letters are dated for August and September. In it she tells the Dr. that she truly loves her and is wondering how long she has to wait for her to leave her wife.

I'm fucking pissed! I don't want to feel this way, but it brings me back to the feeling of betrayal. I cried like a baby in my car. Yelled to the heavens. A break down. I don't want to live with her; I don't want to see her ever again. I feel that she has earned my hatred.

In the letter the Nurse complains about not being able to bring the Dr. along to some of the activities our kids do. Are you kidding me? She complains about me always wanting to be there "all of a sudden." Does she mean now that our kids need me around more than ever?

I desperately want to report the Dr. for ethics violations and cuss out the Nurse for her flagrant disrespect. If the Dr. were a man I feel like she would know better.

Anyways I need my pills.

Truthfully I don’t want to be writing again. But I’ve been trying to figure out how to leave for a year now. To summarize I found my bd’s secret email and on there was sniffies. When I went through his messages I found evidence of him cheating on me with a guy. Since then I’ve been really struggling, I’ve seen multiple therapist, still seeing one weekly, multiple physiatrists, and taken so many different medications to try to numb. I didn’t think a year later I would still be this miserable. I feel like it all fell on me. Im the one who has to go to therapy and try to repair. And to make it worse he’s trying to turn me leaving into some grand decision of whether or not my daughter gets a father in her life. It’s so unfair. I hate him so much. I can never forgive what he’s done to me mentally. I can’t look at baby pictures of our daughter without thinking about what he was doing durning that time. Well anyways a few weeks ago I find a different email 🙄 and this one was linked to a Reddit account I didn’t know about. He posted the day after cheating on me something along the lines of “just got fucking in the ass, and really enjoyed it”. actually so crazy….. but now I feel so stupid, I chose for a year to believe him that he cheated because he needed to figure out some stuff about himself and he didn’t like it. But now a year later I find out that was a lie too. How can someone be so evil. I think it’s making me feel crazy. I should have been told about the Reddit when I found out about the cheating… he knew about it! I asked for honesty so many times now and he couldn’t give it to me once. Does trust ever come back? Not with him but with anyone. Will I ever be able to feel pretty again… Do I need to worry about him around our daughter?