u/PlayfulSystem3547

My ex is MTF. I had no idea while dating and before marriage that they had gender dysphoria and had been suppressing these feelings since they were a small child. What is most surprising to me is that I had them cross-dress and go to my college's drag ball. You would have thought that that would have been a perfect time to disclose how they felt to me. Many many years later after I found out and then more years later they started to transition, I asked why they had never told me. Their answers went from "I didn't know" (which was a lie) to "I knew but I was suppressing it because I didn't want to admit it" (which I can believe) to "you were too good of a person and I knew if I told you that I would lose you" (which pisses me off royally because you basically admitted to lying to me and basically trapping me). And the funny thing is that if I would have met her in her true form we probably could have been friends.

There were many things wrong in our 20 year marriage--a lot of emotional abuse from them as well as narcissistic tendencies. We have separated and our divorce should be finalized by either the end of this month or sometime next month.

Thankfully, with a lot of therapy and finally being able to focus on myself and my own issues rather than trying to deal with a spouse who is transitioning (which felt like a death to me) as well as trying to be the only one to keep a failing marriage together, I have made peace with a lot of things. However, one thing that I cannot get over and that I HATE is that I feel like my ex took away my innocence about how I felt about trans people in general.

I will be the first to say that I have never questioned my own gender so I don't know what it is like for someone to have to deal with the feeling of being trapped in the wrong body. I have always been an ally, and ironically enough more so than my ex when we first met. But now, after all of this, I am having a hard time separating my ex being trans and a jerk from my ex just being a jerk. It's almost like I see any trans person and get angry, sad, upset, or any mix of emotions. I see posts of people coming out online (which is wonderful for them) but then I see no support or question about the spouse left behind. And I get angry and frustrated and sad. It doesn't help that my ex expected me to accept their discovering themselves when they didn't accept the same thing of me when we met in our late teens. But whenever I see these celebrations I feel gutted. Maybe it reminds me of the loneliest point of my life?

I'm reaching out hoping that someone can relate and might have some advice on how to move past this. I don't want to feel like this towards others and I hate that this is another thing in the lost list of things that I feel like they took from me.

Hey all!

I absolutely LOVE the scent of Silky Underwear (man, that sounds so weird to type lol). Has anyone ever found a perfume that smells like it? I thought I read somewhere that a long time ago Lush actually made it as one of their gorilla perfumes.

Either way, HELP! I want to smell like silky underwear!!!! Lush, please please please make it into a perfume!

Long story short—my three originally feral but now long-time indoor cats (F7, F6, M6) have been on Purina Pro Plan their whole lives for both wet and dry food. A few years back I moved their dry to the weight management line as they were all getting chunky. Never had any problems. However recently I thought I noticed a change in the look of the kibble (lighter color) for a few bags and some had large clumps of kibble in them.

Starting the beginning of May, they would not eat the dry with their normal gusto. One started throwing up, just a little at first and then to the point of daily. One was ok but seemed to lose some weight and didn’t eat as much, and my chunky cat just munched on along.

A very expensive vet bill later, all of the sickest ones’ labs are fine. They put her on a bland diet and some meds and she is getting better.

I decided it had to be the Purina dry food after my own observations and what some other people have mentioned on here saying the same thing happened to them.

So, I do research and switch them slowly over to Hills Indoor for dry food. All three like the flavor and readily eat it, but the two more sensitive cats seem to not be as energetic as they once were and seem “off”. Then I see some people are saying that Hills and Purina have both reformulated some things but haven’t told anyone.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t research anymore. I can’t keep spending a ton of money for food that is going to make my babies sick.

I know that all cats aren’t the same, but it just irritates me that I have religiously fed my cats what I thought was a good quality food (the price tag certainly would make you think so—and yes I know higher price doesn’t always equal better) only for the company to change something that doesn’t really end up being better for the consumer.

I’m just tired of adulting at this point and want someone else to make this decision for me, lol. Before all of this, all three were perfectly healthy.

Hi all,

I’ve pretty new to having someone act as a financial planner/advisor and had a quick question.

The person I interviewed the other day seemed like a good fit for the most part. When it came time to talk about fees, he informed me that they do not charge transactions fees, etc. Rather, he said that the only thing they charge is a [flat, rad, rat? We were on zoom and I wasn’t sure exactly what term he said] fee of .95% annually on actively managed assets and that fee is broken up and billed quarterly.

My question is this—is .95% a good rate on assets under a million dollars or is that high?

Hi all,

Due to a divorce, I am going to have to be leaving my platinum-level BCBS plan and getting one of my own (I currently do not work). I have talked to a health care broker and based on my current medical conditions, wishes, etc. we have narrowed it down to two plans--Carefirst BluePreferred PPO Value Gold 1000 or Carefirst BluePreferred PPO HSA Silver 3400 Virtual Connect Plus.

I would like to stick with a PPO plan so that I have access to a wider medical network out of state (I have a few medical conditions that might require this). My big question is, I am not sure which plan to pick. I don't necessarily care about the HSA contribution part. Rather, is it better to have a lower deductible with less things that count towards it (the Gold plan), or is it better to have a higher deductible but have more things which can count towards it (the Silver plan). There is only a $17 dollar difference between the two plans, with the gold plan actually being the cheaper of the two.

My current platinum-level plan has a deductible of 3500 per person and an out-of-pocket max of $5,500 before the plan kicks in 90/10 so that is what I am used to.

My biggest fear is just going bankrupt for something medically that is out of my control. Any input towards either plan would be really appreciated.

Hi all, I started EMDR as well as talk therapy last year to finally work on anxiety, depression, self-esteem, some past traumas and my issues with anxious attachment.

For the past few months, I’ve felt off but nothing major. However, within the past week or so I’ve realized my depression has gotten very bad. In fact, I’m out of state on vacation and have found myself ruminating over things and spiraling. I can’t stop crying and when I do I’ll start again out of nowhere.

Since I am out of state, I can’t rely on my therapist for help. I dont know if this is coming about because of where we are in the EMDR or what, but I’m finding I can’t get the thoughts to stop. What do you all do when you’re in-between session and the thoughts get to you and you can’t make them stop?