u/OkExcitement1461

I’m confused

Not in the way where you debate between two choices

Or the way you wonder what was or wasn’t

More so when you stare at a wall and have no idea how to digest what has happened

Where you’re in between reality and illusion

A place where the person you think you love is but a facade for who you believe them to be

They appear to be the light and the warmth

But then like any possible experience in between the sky and the earth

Nothing ever stays hidden

They open the door to their heart but all you find when you step into the room is only a window

And all you see outside from it is nothing but complete darkness

So hollow and so empty , your heart only cares

Your mind understands and comprehends their confliction

But that’s not right

The man who stays composed behind his false persona cannot allow another human to see through him

So he locks the door while you remain inside

Lighting his match and all his ‘ weight‘

And watching you burn

My heart began pounding loudly as you walked past me . I felt frozen in time , I couldn’t lift my head up - I couldn’t breathe . I felt suffocated & my mind said to run . But my heart said - towards you .

How I felt was when you pick up on a lovely scent in the air , the kind that submerged you to a happy place …. Only to never find where it comes from .

Like a breeze that blows on a warm summer day .

The first drop of cold water against your skin . Or perhaps the view of glistening stars at night . You exist in various moments , in different forms.

My ego said to hate you and myself for choosing to ignore the darkness within you.

Yet my soul couldn’t bare to erase your eyes and the pain that I could see you had .
I quiete literally cannot process what happened . Every inch of my being screams when I’m reminded of that night . And I want to learn to let it go , not just say I do & then feel everything all over again .
More like - say that all the actions that happened were driven by the information we have been given .

It was really difficult to see you from my rear view ,you against the wall across the room & for me to act like there wasn’t a moment where you meant more than the word love itself . I can’t logically break it down for you , on how I could feel such a way given the circumstances. But if I had to say something it would be ‘ I’m glad it was with you and in this life .’

I’m grateful because I had the ability to feel and that’s what it means to be a human being. I To feel like fidgeting when you see him in front of you . To lock eyes and have your breath go shallow. To have his smile transmit energy into your soul. To have your illusion be destroyed by his silence . To grieve his denial in solitude.

& to still want to do it all over again .

M

I’m confused

Not in the way where you debate between two choices

Or the way you wonder what was or wasn’t

More so when you stare at a wall and have no idea how to digest what has happened

Where you’re in between reality and illusion

A place where the person you think you love is but a facade for who you believe them to be

They appear to be the light and the warmth

But then like any possible experience in between the sky and the earth

Nothing ever stays hidden

They open the door to their heart but all you find when you step into the room is only a window

And all you see outside from it is nothing but complete darkness

So hollow and so empty , your heart only cares

Your mind understands and comprehends their confliction

But that’s not right

The man who stays composed behind his false persona cannot allow another human to see through him

So he locks the door while you remain inside

Lighting his match and all his ‘ weight‘

And watching you burn

The past cannot be changed

We can’t accept it’s prearranged

My power only resides in the perception of what I believe

I must remember I have the key

To allow my present moments to consume me

So my mind doesn’t remember of what you assumed of me

Yet I still hold space for you

It’s my way of honoring what is

I’m not used to saying of what was

Recalling the warmth in your eyes

The danger in your pride

I know you realize you must put your ego aside

There was no need to lie

You realize … you could have simply said goodbye

But your split into two

One who aches and one who takes

& the story now says to walk away