u/OkSentence4563

Hi everyone,

I’m 19, finished high school a year ago and I’m going to be traveling to my parents’ home country for an extended trip this year. I’m pretty sure this trip is going to lead to some marriage proposals as in my last trip, (where i was underage so i didnt agree but now im considering it if i find a fit) and honestly, I am feeling completely out of my depth.

To be clear: I don’t think I’m dumb, but I am incredibly inexperienced. I’ve never had the talk about what the courting process looks like. My family hasn’t really discussed it with me, and I’ve never had to navigate this before. Because of that, I’m feeling really anxious.

I’m also struggling with my own personality. I’m a very expressive person: I laugh, I make faces, I’m quite animated, and I cover my mouth when I giggle. I’m concerned that in this context, people might mistake my natural friendliness and warmth for flirting (which happens often) or worse, see me as not serious. I want to be respectful and professional during these meetings, but I also want to be myself and feel comfortable in my own skin.

I’m terrified that if I go into these meetings without knowing what to look for or how to act, I’ll come across as naive. I’m scared that if I don’t set the right tone from the beginning, I might be taken for granted or the dynamic might be skewed in a way that’s hard to fix later. I want to be respected and I want to make sure I’m asking the right questions, but I don't even know where to start.

For those of you who have been through this, or who wish they knew better the first time around, could you give me some advice?

Specifically:

What should I actually be asking? What are the must ask questions that help you figure out if you're actually compatible, rather than just getting surface level answers?

How do I carry myself? How do I strike that balance of being polite and respectful, but also firm, intelligent, and serious?

What are the red flags? Are there specific behaviors or patterns I should look out for nowing it wont work long term?

Hi everyone,

I’m 19F, finished high school a year ago and I’m going to be traveling to my parents’ home country for an extended trip this year. I’m pretty sure this trip is going to lead to some marriage proposals (because last trip i got marriage proposals too, but i was underage and i didnt agree) and honestly, I am feeling completely out of my depth.

To be clear: I don’t think I’m dumb, but I am incredibly inexperienced. I’ve never had the talk about what the courting process looks like. My family hasn’t really discussed it with me, and I’ve never had to navigate this before. Because of that, I’m feeling really anxious.

I’m also struggling with my own personality. I’m a very expressive person, I laugh, I make faces, I’m quite animated, and I cover my mouth when I giggle. I’m concerned that in this context, people might mistake my natural friendliness and warmth for flirting, or worse, see me as not serious. I want to be respectful and professional during these meetings, but I also want to be myself and feel comfortable in my own skin.

I’m terrified that if I go into these meetings without knowing what to look for or how to act, I’ll come across as naive. I’m scared that if I don’t set the right tone from the beginning, I might be taken for granted or the dynamic might be skewed in a way that’s hard to fix later. I want to be respected and I want to make sure I’m asking the right questions, but I don't even know where to start.

For those of you who have been through this, or who wish they knew better the first time around, could you give me some advice?

Specifically:

What should I actually be asking? What are the must ask questions that help you figure out if you're actually compatible, rather than just getting surface level answers?

How do I carry myself? How do I strike that balance of being polite, respectful, but also firm, intelligent, and serious?

What are the red flags? Are there specific behaviors or patterns I should look out for knowing this is not going to work?

EDIT: i posted this on another muslims subreddit but didnt get complete answers, any advice will be appreciated please help...

Hi guys im trying to get tickets for enhypen in macau but theyre all sold out, is there any website that is 100% secure to buy tickets from resellers? any info is appreciated!

A Reminder to the Believing Men

Many men nowadays forget that the command for modesty was addressed to them first. It must be taken seriously. Thinking that your "gym progress" or "aesthetic" gives you a pass to disregard the laws of awrah and haya (modesty) is a delusion. You are responsible for your own sins, and you cannot blame your lack of self-control on the presence of women.

>“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.” Qur’an 24:30

Note that Allah command men to lower their gaze FIRST, before the verses regarding women’s veiling. A man’s "hijab" starts with his eyes. Many men dress in a way that is "clothed yet naked" wearing clothes so tight they leave nothing to the imagination, or neglecting the awrah (from the navel to the knee).

>“Cover your thigh, for the thigh is part of the 'awrah.” — Sunan Abi Dawud

You are not a "victim" of a woman's appearance, you are an active participant in your own sin when you refuse to look away.

>The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said to Ali (RA): “Oh Ali, do not follow one glance with another, for the first is for you (unintentional) but the second is against you. Jami` at-Tirmidhi

Modesty is not exclusively a "women’s issue." It is a foundational requirement for any man who claims to have faith.

>The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Faith has sixty-odd branches, and Haya is a branch of faith.” — Sahih Muslim

If you are comfortable flexing your gym body in your gym progress highlight on instagram, or staring at women while demanding they cover up, you are missing the essence of the religion. A man who lacks haya in his eyes and his dress has a deficiency in his iman (faith).

Stop using the religion to police women, RELIGION APPLIES TO BOTH GENDERS, both.

I don’t want to get married,i dont like the idea of sharing your whole self with someone else at all, but i need to get married in order to not sin. there’s a lot of reasons and no matter how many times I receive advice and no matter the nature and quality of the advice I’m given, I can never let go of the avoidance of marriage mindset, I’ll list the reasons below but before I want to point out the extremeness of this mindset, I know that a lot of young girls relate to the fear of marriage esp nowadays, but for me it’s not just a fear, it’s a promise I made to myself that I can’t break, I promised myself not to get married ever a long time ago, when I was just a teen and had these same reasons. However as I grew up there’s a lot of things that I’ve been wanting to do like desires I’ve wanted to fulfill etc and there’s no way to fulfill those desires if I’m not married so I’m stuck right now… 

Reasons:

-I’m very bad at connecting with people, like very bad. I can’t make proper conversations without overthinking what to say and try not to sound robotic, people who don’t know me often think I’m autistic 😭 I’m not but I just find it hard to engage in social interactions without being extremely awkward. In the marriage aspect, I can’t imagine myself being or acting romantic, that’s just ew to me. Whenever my parents express how much they love me verbally I just smile because I don’t know what to say. This whole thing might sound like a non-issue but men nowadays are so brainwashed by the “the one” narrative and I’ve seen videos were girls do one wrong thing and the comments will go: “drop her she’s just not the one” and blah blah blah. No matter how much I like a person I’ll always act this way…

-I physically cant make eye contact, i don’t know why, but I just can’t and this adds up to the autistic image lmaoo 

-I’m extremely scared of intimacy like it’s actually no joke.

-I’m also ridiculously scared of giving birth (it’s my biggest fear) 

-Most men I know (to not say all the men I know) are misogynistic af but they don’t show it at first, I’m afraid of getting married to a horrible man because they don’t show how they are at first, never heard of a case were the man remained the same as in were they were engaged. 

-I come from a well known family and I’m the oldest daughter, a lot of men have been asking for my hand in marriage for years since I was like 15, but I feel like this is just because of my family, what if when they know me they think I’m weird and awkward and regret having married me? 

These are just a few of the endless concerns I have regarding marriage, if I remember something else I’ll add it but for now I just need someone to help me with this, I want and don’t want marriage, i don’t know what to do…