Need opinions please - long wedding day story
Need outside opinions as I haven’t talked to anyone about this in real life. My husband and I got married almost a year ago and he’s always had a drinking problem. He’s gone back and forth over the 6 years we’ve been together saying yes he’s an alcoholic, no he’s not an alcoholic. We’ve had issues of him hiding and sneaking buzz balls, him getting black out drunk when I leave town, and making a fool of himself in public. The biggest betrayal yet is unfortunately linked to our wedding day, which devastates me. The night before our wedding he wanted to hang out with his friends after our welcome party. I was invited but getting married the next day so obvs wanted to get my beauty sleep and rest, so said no. We live across the country from his friends and that was the only night that he had to hang out with them, and k really didn’t mind but asked him to be home by 11. 11 rolls around and there’s no mention of him coming home from his texts (I guess I should’ve demanded he come home lol), so I start getting paranoid but told myself to trust him and go to sleep. I finally fell asleep but woke up at 1:30am with no word from him and of course him not next to me in bed. I called him several times but it was obvious his phone was dead, so I called his brother and asked wtf was going on and he said they were on their way home. Finally got home at 2 and my husband can’t even walk up the stairs without falling and has a frickin bump on his forehead. I was absolutely buzzing with anxiety and anger and this point but he couldn’t even say one sentence or understand what was going on. He even fell asleep slumped over on the toilet. Ugliest thing I’ve ever seen from him tbh and it’s horrible to think that about your spouse that way. I so badly wanted to call things off then and there but the guilt of my entire family traveling to see us caused me not to honestly.
Since our wedding almost a year ago we’ve talked about it several times and he always apologizes, but I feel so resentful and disrespected from that situation. He drank an entire handle of vodka on our honeymoon and drinks usually 4/5 beers 4-5 nights a week. He truly doesn’t seem to understand the problem with that. He says he’ll give up drinking for a month and evaluate then and maybe switch to light beers. I asked him today if he’d want to do marriage counseling to hear things from an unbiased person, but he said “not for me.” Sigh. I feel exhausted and have finally opened up to my parents about his drinking (to a point - no one knows about our wedding). I didn’t want to involve them but I needed the support. I’ve thought about going to therapy just by myself but what is the point if he doesn’t seem to understand?
I want to add that I of course love him very much, but it’s so draining having dealt with this for 6 years now. He’s not a mean drunk, just clumsy, sloppy, and forgetful. We are grown adults now and I want kids, but this entire experience and frustration I feel is making me question if I even want to have a kid with him now.