u/Ok_Coast_3688

My girlfriend (27F) and I (29M) have been together for four years. We’ve talked about marriage a lot, and I’ve made it clear that I wanted to propose sometime this year. I just wanted it to be a surprise.

Last month, we were at the mall when she casually told me she needed to stop by a jewelry store “for something.”

While we were there, one of the employees smiled at her and said, “Your ring will be ready next week.”

I looked at her, completely confused.

She admitted she’d already picked out the engagement ring she wanted months ago and had been making payments on it. She said she didn’t trust me to choose something she’d like, so she decided to handle that part herself. All I had to do, according to her, was pick it up, finish the last payment, and use it when I proposed.

I was honestly hurt.

It wasn’t about the money. It was the fact that she’d planned the entire thing without including me, then expected me to pretend the proposal was my idea.

When I told her I felt like she’d taken away one of the few parts of the proposal that was supposed to come from me, she said I was making it about my ego.

She argued that lots of women choose their own rings and that she was just making sure she’d wear something she’d love forever.

I said I had no problem shopping for a ring together if that’s what she wanted. What bothered me was that she made the decision on her own, kept it a secret, and then expected me to go along with a proposal that no longer felt genuine to me.

She got upset and told her family I was refusing to propose over “a piece of jewelry.”

Now her parents think I’m looking for excuses because I’m afraid of commitment. My family says the issue isn’t the ring. it’s that we weren’t acting like partners when making such a big decision.

I’ve told her I still want to get married someday, but only after we’ve worked through this and are actually making major life decisions together.

Now she’s questioning the entire relationship, and I’m wondering if I made too big a deal out of it.

TL;DR: I planned to surprise my girlfriend with a proposal, but I found out she’d secretly chosen, ordered, and started paying for her own engagement ring without telling me. She expected me to simply pick it up and propose with it. I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing that, and now she says I’m ruining our future over a ring. AITJ?

My girlfriend (26F) and I (28M) have been together for a little over a year. A few months ago, I surprised her by booking a four-day beach vacation for her birthday. I paid for the flights, hotel, and most of the activities because I wanted to do something special for us.

Last week, while we were talking about the trip, she casually mentioned that her best friend had already requested those days off from work.

I asked why that mattered.

She looked confused and said, “Because she’s coming with us.”

I honestly thought she was joking.

Apparently, she’d invited her best friend weeks earlier because she thought it would make the trip “more fun.” She never mentioned it to me because she assumed I’d be okay with it.

I told her I planned the vacation as a romantic getaway for the two of us, not a group trip. She said I was being controlling by expecting all of her attention for four days.

I asked who was paying for her friend’s flights and hotel.

She said her friend couldn’t really afford it, so she thought I’d probably cover the hotel room since we already had one booked, and maybe help with the flight if I could.

That was the moment I completely checked out of the conversation.

I told her I wasn’t paying for someone else’s vacation and that if she wanted to travel with her friend instead, she was welcome to plan a separate trip.

She accused me of trying to isolate her from the important people in her life. I reminded her that I never said she couldn’t travel with her friend—I just didn’t think it was appropriate to turn a birthday trip I planned for us into a three-person vacation without even asking me.

The argument got worse, and I ended up canceling the reservation while it was still refundable. I told her I’d rather lose the planning than spend the trip feeling like the third wheel on a vacation I paid for.

Now she’s furious because there isn’t enough time to rebook something similar at the same price. A few of our mutual friends think I overreacted and should’ve just gone along with it to avoid wasting the trip. Others think inviting someone else on a couple’s vacation without discussing it first was incredibly disrespectful.

AITJ?

My ex and I dated for almost four years. We broke up about a year ago because we wanted different things in life. It wasn’t a dramatic breakup, but it definitely wasn’t painless either. We haven’t really spoken since, except for the occasional “happy birthday” text.

Last week, I got a wedding invitation from her. I was surprised because we aren’t friends anymore, and I don’t know her fiancé at all.

She texted me afterward saying she hoped I’d come because it would “show everyone we’ve both moved on” and prove there were no hard feelings. She also said a few mutual friends thought it would be nice if we could all celebrate together.

I told her I appreciated the invitation, but I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to attend. I wished her the best and said I hoped she had a wonderful wedding.

She didn’t take it well.

She said I was making things awkward by refusing to come and accused me of holding onto the past. She even said my absence would make people think I was still in love with her, which isn’t true. I just don’t think an ex belongs at a wedding unless they’re genuinely close friends, and we aren’t.

A couple of our mutual friends have messaged me saying I should just go for an hour to be the “bigger person” and avoid unnecessary drama. Others agree that declining politely was the right thing to do.

Now I’m wondering if I was being overly stubborn. I never criticized the wedding or tried to stop anyone else from going. I simply felt it would be uncomfortable for both me and her fiancé if I showed up.

AITB?