u/Ok_Cryptographer1977

I’m in a 4.5 year long pretty messy and painful polyamorous situation. My partner has been on and off seeing his long time sweetie throughout our relationship. Despite many attempts on my end to be close with her, She has explicitly expressed that as long as him and I are together, she will never be friends with me. She is friends with many of my friends, and our lack of closeness has a big impact on me.

He describes her as his “best friend” and he tells her everything about our relationship. I realized recently that I don’t want her knowing everything about our relationship, because she does not treat me with kindness, and I don’t want someone who does not treat me kindly to know everything about me.

I recently experienced a pregnancy loss, and it really shook my partner and I. I don’t want her to know about it because it is extremely personal information, and I am only telling a few very close friends.

My partner feels like because I’ve asked him not to tell her, that he can only have distance with her now and they can’t be as close. He is very upset about not being able to tell her because she is someone who supports him a lot. But I feel certain that I am not ready for her to know.

Thoughts? Advise? Tips? Compassion?

Thanks <3

This is an element of the SA and MA experience that I did not see enough information about before it happened, so I wanted to share a post.

This past Thursday I had a SA at 9 weeks pregnant. I was so nervous and afraid, I've backed out of SAs twice before and opted for MAs. My experiences with MAs is that they are more time intensive, can be incredibly painful, however they can also be very beautiful when resourced well (more on that in another post). During my MAs, I experienced passing blood clots, and I that made sense to me why it was happening, because everything was being expelled.

However, after my SA, my guess was that most of the tissue had been removed during the (surprisingly gentle) procedure, and that I should just expect some bleeding afterwards. For the next three days I was bleeding very lightly, using only panty liners, and most of it coming out when I used the bathroom.

On the following Monday after the procedure, I was in class (I'm in nursing school, and this lecture was literally on prenatal development and maternity mental health.... you can't make this shit up!) and I had the most intense cramps I had experienced so far in my SA experience. It reminded me more of what I went through in my MA.

Then I felt it, I started passing a lot of blood clots. I looked it up, and as long as they're smaller than a tennis ball it's nothing to worry about, and just apart of the healing process of the uterus. Passing the clots felt like a continuation of the abortion, and I was in a public restroom and totally unprepared. So I write this post to warn others, be prepared to pass blood clots! They don't just come on the day after your SA, but it can happen days later.

What were your experiences of passing blood clots after your abortion?