I'm Regretting Hiring a Sleep Consultant ... advice?
I recently hired a $900 sleep consultant because my mental and physical health was TANKING from lack of sleep.
Now Im 3 days in and feel like I hired the wrong person. Feeling so much anger, shame & regret. Id love some perspective, encouragement, others experiences, advice?
Context:
We have a lot of odd factors to our life which made gentle sleep books like "No Cry Sleep Solutions" difficult to follow. Which is why I wanted to hire someone who could take all our factors into place & give us a clear plan to follow.
- 8m old baby who wakes up every single sleep cycle (every 45 minutes) since he was 4m old.
- We have always coslept/contact napped and nursed or rocked to sleep. We love cosleeping & would continue if our baby could sleep ling stretches/through the night.
- We live in a weird studio apartment (no doors/rooms). It is impossible for us to make it pitch black in the day. And its hard for us to move around house once baby is asleep.
- We are okay with a small amount of crying 2-5 minutes before being soothed, but did not want to do "cry it out".
- My baby was born with a rare eye condition & is severly visually impared (he can see light & track objects close to face. But overall limited vision & highly sensitive to sound.) He HATES being confined & we were never able to use a swaddle or sleep sack.
- My husband and I both have ADHD & find it very hard to be strict with routines. It doesnt come naturally to us & we thrive with go with the flow. Which is the opposite of all sleep advice & why we wanted a clear plan rather than us trying to make one.
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Now for our current situation. About 2 weeks ago I was at my absolute lowest point from sleep deprivation. We had tried to read several books but could not get ourselves to make a plan that made sense. It was overwhelming just to survive - let alone make a massive change. I learned sleep consultants are a thing from a friend & immediately started googling "gentle sleep coach". I looked up 5 people & they all just offered online classes but i wanted a live coach to help.
Finally i found a woman who makes a custom plan & works 1 on 1 for 2 weeks. Had a consult call the next day where i told her everything. She sounded like she had a wide variety of tools, high success rate, said she understood & within two weeks we would be in a totally different place. I was deeply vulnerable & hired her right on the spot.
Well... she doesnt actually have a wide variety of tools. She has very specific tools which is basically just variations of classic sleep training. Now that we have her plan I see a lot of it doesnt work for us. We spent a week trying to buy all the stuff she reccomended (another $300 investment - even buying it all second hand).
We bought a crib, a blackout tent, a sleep sack. All of which is brand new to my baby. He HATES the sleep sack & cries so hard when we put him in the crib.
We are now 3 days into the actual "sleep training" and I really dont like her or her tools! There was no transition period & I feel like her solutions would only be "gentle" if baby was already used to the tools she offered. Its like she has no idea what its like for a cosleeping/nursing to sleep baby.
The method she is having us do in this "gentle sleep training" still involves 2+ hours of crying per wakeup. (Pick Up Put Down Menthod for those who know). We are supposed to just stick with it but my baby & I are a mess. He now crys so hard/claws at me when i even walk toward the crib. And this is not what i wanted. It is a cry it out method and my soul feels shattered to be doing this to him.
She is supposed to check & respond 3 times a day. But she responds much slower than that. And her advice is just generic. Exactly the info thats on the handouts she gave us. She doesnt seem to be really listening to our specific challenges or adapting. We are logging a ton of data for her and she hasnt referenced it at all.
I feel like such a failure.
I want to quit and find someone who actually is gente & understands cosleeping. But I already invested sooo much money & my body/brain feel like theyre on 0%. I cant afford to hire someone else & I really want my baby/myself to sleep!
Anyone have any advice or wisdom to share????