r/cosleeping

So we’ve been cosleeping since 5.5 months because she had an awful regression and it was the only way I’d ever get sleep.

She wakes 1-2 times, with the occasional unicorn night where she sleeps through. However, she needs rocking and swaying to fall asleep.

I figured I’d try to reduce movement a bit but the first night it took 50 mins to put her down, second night 1 hour 10, and third it was like 40 before I went back to swaying. I don’t want to sleep train because I cannot handle her crying and this rocking things helps her sleep fast, it’s just tiring.

Did anyone keep rocking and eventually they stopped wanting it or what happened?

ETA: sorry everyone, she’s 11.5 months. It’s been taking this long since I tried to reduce movement, and last night was a doozy because she’d only been up 2.5 hours before we tried putting her down. With a good wake window and rocking it takes around 10-25 mins.

Hi, I'm a ftm to a 9 month old and she still doesn't sleep through the night. Both my cousin's kids slept through the night at this age, but may wake up once for a night feed. My baby wakes up at least 3 times a night to feed and will go berserk if she doesn't get her milk. What's going on, teething? Thirst? I'm so close to let her CIO. Me and my partner live with my mom, id try the ferber method but I don't want to worry and wake my mom with baby's crying. I'm so tired. What am I doing wrong??? Please help. What worked for you while cosleeping?

I have been cosleeping with my 6mo since birth and I love it. When she started rolling, I really leant into this way of life and we set up a double floor bed in her room and her and I moved in there about 3 weeks ago. I have been so happy and sure about my decision to parent in this way, feed to sleep and support/comfort my baby whenever she needs however this last week I'm questioning myself a bit. Instagram doesn't help with all the spam about baby sleep and how by 6 months they should be sleeping 8 hours independently blah. I then have a lot of mums from my baby group saying their babies are sleeping through, or they are sleep training. Meanwhile, my little girl has just cut 2 teeth and has become even more of a boob barnacle than ever before. She's waking more and more for milk, not less! I've started to panic that I've made a rod for my own back with giving her such a feed/me there to sleep association. She used to be able to self soothe pre 4 month sleep regression but now she needs boob or me. I know this is biologically normal and I genuinely believe she is such a happy and content baby because she feels safe and secure and that is wonderful. I wouldn't be able to parent any other way as "responsive" parenting feels instinctive to me and I naturally fell into it. I just think im feeling particularly sleep deprived at the moment and last night on the millionth wake I thought, should I have set up this floor bed and committed to this or should I have got a cot? Am I actually waking her up more by being here and naturally moving in my sleep etc? I feel a bit stuck on a loop of questioning things and then rationalising, then questioning again 🔁

I guess I just could do with a bit of solidarity and reassurance from people in the same boat 🫶

I didn’t cosleep with my first until he was around a month or so old out of desperation but later found to really enjoy it and how strong my milk supply became because of it.

Im due in a few weeks and I don’t really want to mess around with the bassinet and everything so I’m considering just cosleeping from the start. I guess their small size at birth makes me nervous and our mattress isn’t the firmest out there. I’d love to replace it but I’m not sure if it’s something we can afford ATM.

I guess I’d just love to hear stories of moms who coslept from day one and how you eased nerves and why you decided to do it from day one. Thanks!

I have an 8 month old baby and and a 7 year old miniature dachshund! Both equally needy! Lol. My dachshund has always slept in bed with me except when cosleeping with a baby. He got kicked out for a year when my first was born and he's been kicked out again for number two. The first time wasn't so bad, he managed just fine because he had my other dog. However, we just moved and had to give my big dog to my MIL. She's a working breed and our new place has almost no yard while my MIL has acres. So, my poor boy is all alone and I can tell he's depressed. Part of me wants to let him back in the bed, but the other part of me worries he'll be too cuddly and try to insert himself between me and the baby. When did you let your pets back in bed, if ever?

Hello all, I’m a first time mom to a now 11 month old (I’m so emotional about this, but moving on). Before I dive into my dilemma I fear some background may help.

1. I exclusively breastfeed and nurse to sleep
2. I cosleep/bedshare
3. Every nap is contact and we play in our king size bed
4. Every bedtime is a cuddle to sleep
5. Baby has been teething since 2 months and has had teeth since 3 with nonstop progression since then
6. Baby does not drool or have any typical teething signs aside from crankiness

My baby has basically always been a late riser, she used to sleep from about 9:30/10pm-9:30/10am. And with teething and sleep regression sneaking out and having me time was difficult but then it always settled, well not for about a month now. In addition I feel like she’s fighting naps but IS SO TIRED ( blood shot eyes, cranky, wants to sleep and takes short naps or a long one it varies). I used to give her 5 minutes to be fussy and she’d fall back asleep, but as of recent she goes absolutely panicked. I’m talking screaming, hair and body soaked in sweat and flushed cheeks. (It only takes about a minute for that to happen, and she doesn’t settle)

She also doesn’t nurse the whole time like she used to all night or even during naps. She pulls off and rolls to her back but then always inchworms back for cuddles. At night she rolls around and climbs over me like crazy and all she wants is me to lay her on my chest and hold her and she knocks out BUT I cannot put her down or tie after midnight when I finally get to sneak out.

My partner said I should start putting her in the crib because this isn’t healthy for us and I’m creating bad habits. And I broke down.

I was not prepared to stop the cuddles and I don’t think she is either, I feel like I’m harming her sleep and creating bad habits. I don’t know if this is only happening because she’s going through a massive development leap and teething ( I do see another tooth that has poked through) or if I did something wrong. She’s also been standing and trying to walk and it’s just been so much lately.

I’m at a loss at what to do (I don’t believe in CIO). I’m tired, baby is tired. And as I type this my sweet baby is laying on my chest holding me tight. Please advise, is this normal, any tips tricks, stories of your own, all is helpful.
Thank you for reading this far 💗

My baby is 4.5 weeks old. After breastfeeding, whenever I transferred her to the bassinet, she would wake up almost immediately. But more than that, I was anxious about her sleeping alone in the bassinet and couldn’t sleep well myself. So we started co-sleeping around week 2.

I definitely see the benefits. Both my baby and I sleep much better, breastfeeding is easier because we both fall back asleep during feeds, and overall it’s much more convenient logistically. I’m also recovering from a 4th degree tear, so minimizing getting up multiple times a night has been a huge factor.

I understand why people talk about the benefits of co-sleeping, but the truth is I still fall asleep every night feeling anxious. It’s still not the officially recommended safest sleep setup, and I’m scared something could happen.

At first I used to wake up at the tiniest sound or movement. But as I’ve gotten used to it, there are now times when I completely black out for 2–3 hours. Thinking about not knowing what position my baby was in that whole time honestly terrifies me.

Usually she falls asleep nursing while lying on her side, and when I notice, I immediately move her onto her back. But if I’m deeply asleep for 2–3 hours, that means she may have stayed sleeping on her side during that time. I’m generally a very still sleeper and don’t move much in my sleep, so maybe that lowers some risk, but when I’m truly exhausted… I don’t know.

For those of you who co-sleep:

• Do you eventually feel completely safe/confident with it?
• Any tips for reducing risk or anxiety?
• If I’m feeling this anxious, is the answer to go back and work on bassinet sleep instead?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences or advice. I feel torn between what’s working for us and what scares me every night.

I’ll start this by saying I never thought I would cosleep. We never did with our first (now 3yo) because he slept fine on his own and it seemed unsafe. However, our seven week old is NOT into his bassinet and we have been struggling since we brought him home from the hospital. My husband and I have been taking shifts and having very inconsistent success with getting him to sleep anywhere other than on us. He will sometimes stay down in his bassinet, but usually not for long. I have finally given into the idea of cosleeping with him and have done lots of reading on doing it safely, but my experiences thus far have been oddly disappointing. I assumed it would be a magic bullet, but it hasn’t been. I’ve been doing the cuddle curl position and breastfeeding, but he… doesn’t really fall asleep this way?! He’ll just keep nursing into eternity basically. Sometimes he will doze off and then wake himself up a few minutes later. I am pretty exasperated at this point as it seems like really he just wants to sleep cuddled up on us, but I don’t know if there’s really a safe way to do that that allows us to sleep. I know chest sleeping is a thing, but is it really safe? Has anyone else had a baby who the cuddle curl didn’t work for? We are just desperate for some sleep.

I recently hired a $900 sleep consultant because my mental and physical health was TANKING from lack of sleep.

Now Im 3 days in and feel like I hired the wrong person. Feeling so much anger, shame & regret. Id love some perspective, encouragement, others experiences, advice?

Context:

We have a lot of odd factors to our life which made gentle sleep books like "No Cry Sleep Solutions" difficult to follow. Which is why I wanted to hire someone who could take all our factors into place & give us a clear plan to follow.

- 8m old baby who wakes up every single sleep cycle (every 45 minutes) since he was 4m old.

- We have always coslept/contact napped and nursed or rocked to sleep. We love cosleeping & would continue if our baby could sleep ling stretches/through the night.

- We live in a weird studio apartment (no doors/rooms). It is impossible for us to make it pitch black in the day. And its hard for us to move around house once baby is asleep.

- We are okay with a small amount of crying 2-5 minutes before being soothed, but did not want to do "cry it out".

- My baby was born with a rare eye condition & is severly visually impared (he can see light & track objects close to face. But overall limited vision & highly sensitive to sound.) He HATES being confined & we were never able to use a swaddle or sleep sack.

- My husband and I both have ADHD & find it very hard to be strict with routines. It doesnt come naturally to us & we thrive with go with the flow. Which is the opposite of all sleep advice & why we wanted a clear plan rather than us trying to make one.

---------

Now for our current situation. About 2 weeks ago I was at my absolute lowest point from sleep deprivation. We had tried to read several books but could not get ourselves to make a plan that made sense. It was overwhelming just to survive - let alone make a massive change. I learned sleep consultants are a thing from a friend & immediately started googling "gentle sleep coach". I looked up 5 people & they all just offered online classes but i wanted a live coach to help.

Finally i found a woman who makes a custom plan & works 1 on 1 for 2 weeks. Had a consult call the next day where i told her everything. She sounded like she had a wide variety of tools, high success rate, said she understood & within two weeks we would be in a totally different place. I was deeply vulnerable & hired her right on the spot.

Well... she doesnt actually have a wide variety of tools. She has very specific tools which is basically just variations of classic sleep training. Now that we have her plan I see a lot of it doesnt work for us. We spent a week trying to buy all the stuff she reccomended (another $300 investment - even buying it all second hand).

We bought a crib, a blackout tent, a sleep sack. All of which is brand new to my baby. He HATES the sleep sack & cries so hard when we put him in the crib.

We are now 3 days into the actual "sleep training" and I really dont like her or her tools! There was no transition period & I feel like her solutions would only be "gentle" if baby was already used to the tools she offered. Its like she has no idea what its like for a cosleeping/nursing to sleep baby.

The method she is having us do in this "gentle sleep training" still involves 2+ hours of crying per wakeup. (Pick Up Put Down Menthod for those who know). We are supposed to just stick with it but my baby & I are a mess. He now crys so hard/claws at me when i even walk toward the crib. And this is not what i wanted. It is a cry it out method and my soul feels shattered to be doing this to him.

She is supposed to check & respond 3 times a day. But she responds much slower than that. And her advice is just generic. Exactly the info thats on the handouts she gave us. She doesnt seem to be really listening to our specific challenges or adapting. We are logging a ton of data for her and she hasnt referenced it at all.

I feel like such a failure.

I want to quit and find someone who actually is gente & understands cosleeping. But I already invested sooo much money & my body/brain feel like theyre on 0%. I cant afford to hire someone else & I really want my baby/myself to sleep!

Anyone have any advice or wisdom to share????

Hi! I've had a pretty good set up where I cosleep with the baby on a floor bed in the nursery. I've planned on returning to my bed with my husband and dogs eventually but don't want to transition away from cosleeping. Has anyone brought babe to family bed and regretted it? I'm nervous lo will lose comfort with bedroom and it will make things harder down the road. Do I make the change and bring baby to family bed or keep things consistent to avoid a disruption in routine. Maybe I'm overthinking it? Baby is almost 11 months fully mobile, 90th percentile.

Hi everyone, I’m at my wits end with my 13 months old and I don’t think can think straight anymore I’m so tired!

I’ve been cosleeping from birth, and it’s never been easy but the last few months have been really tough. She’s been waking up every hour for weeks and weeks, probably months. It’s exhausting. My baby is boob obsessed, always has been and I really don’t think night weaning would work for her. She often needs rocking on the yoga ball when boob fails and that’s how all naps need to be too.

I don’t know what to try, my mind and body are both exhausted. Any advice ? Or sympathy ? Does it get better?

My husband and I are doing a trial run of our bed-sharing set up before baby arrives in a few weeks. Looks like this:

-thin mattress topper + coconut coil mattress pad on floor (sharing this because I've heard floor beds don't trap heat as much as normal beds)

-top sheet that we sleep on top of

-pillows just for our heads

-no blankets, duvets, etc

My question is how in the world do people stay warm and also dress for easy breastfeeding? I recently read you should set your thermostat between 60-68 F if bedsharing with a newborn. My plan is to wear a hat, light cotton long-sleeved shirt, sweatpants (maybe with leggings under), and socks. But even with that I feel like my top half gets too cold.

TIA!

LO is 17 days old. She's my second and I've embraced bedsharing from the beginning this time around. It took almost two months of sleep deprivation and dangerous situations with my first for us to bedshare so I'm completely new to how it all works in the very beginning of a baby's life.

She breastfeeds easily if the boob is firm with milk, but as the boob softens the nipple descends towards the mattress, so to speak, and she has a hard time latching onto the softened nipple.

Can anyone tell me when to expect this to stop being an issue? Because I'd really love for us to sleep while she's latched, but as of yet it's been impossible, I have to keep picking her up into the cradle position and wait for her to sleep, often having to do that multiple times because of failed transfers to the mattress. Any help is much appreciated!

I'm currently cosleeping with my 3.5 month old little guy. My husband sleeps in a separate bed to be safe. So far it's going well and we're all getting decent sleep. He's also a contact napper and will NOT go down in the crib. He either naps on me on the couch (I stay awake and binge some show) or I'll take him to the bed and nap with him. I've recently tried rolling away when he's well asleep and a few times I can get away, however it's like his little baby radar goes off and within 10 min he's crying for me to be beside him.

So my question is, for those who have been in a similar situation, was there an age when you could roll away and your baby would stay asleep for a decent amount of time?

I'm thinking/hoping that he's still to young to sleep on his own and need me beside to regulate his sleep...

Ideally I'd like to do it at bed time so that I can put him to sleep early (he nurses to sleep) and roll away before I go to bed with him. I'm not able/prepared to go to sleep at 7/8pm 😭. Right now we're getting away with having him sleep on us from about 8-10pm while we have some wind down tv time on the couch, then I take him to bed for the rest of the night, but realize this probably isn't a long term solution.

Would love to hear anecdotal experience from all you lovely cosleepers 😊

I have a 14 month old that we bed share with. She has always nursed to sleep for comfort but would still take a paci if she was very tired or I wasn’t able to nurse her. Over the past two months it has gone from 2 times a night to 8+. It seems like she’s waking up every hour to nurse. She refuses her pacifier and will scream until I end up nursing her. The lack of sleep is seriously taking its toll on me.

I need advice on how to reduce the wakings!! Do I just need to wean her? Or not let her nurse every time she wakes? I’ve tried that a couple times and she’ll just cry until she eventually goes back to sleep but I’m there the whole time patting her back, rocking, holding her, etc.

We did the same bed sharing/nursing with our two older children but they never had this type of sleep regression.

Hi all! I am looking to buy my first floorbed for my nearly 1 year old to enable co sleeping and hopefully to save our sleep. He hasn’t ever slept through the night and is a little boob barnacle waking every hour.

In terms of floorbed, I have some questions i’d love some advice on…

1. Should I avoid beds with rails? I’d like the option of him napping independently and don’t want him to fall off, but also worried about him hitting his head on them

2. If I go for one with rails, do I still need to position it in the centre of the room away from all walls?

3. Does it make a difference where the opening is on a bed with rails? What’s safest, and is it a pain to get out of as a co sleeping mum.

4. Should I opt for a UK double size bed, or would a single or small double be enough room for feeding to sleep/cosleeping/ eventually sneaking out (fingers crossed!!)

Thanks in advance and sorry if this has been asked before, feel free to point me in the right direction. There is just so much to consider and the cost is a lot.

Cheers!