u/verywellcouldbe

Hi everyone, I’m on night (?) of no sleep. This probably won’t be fluffy or written very well but I’m so desperate for help.

Some details:

I cosleep with my 3 year old and have since 4 months old.

I have a 4.5 month old who has been a really great long-stretch sleeper in her bedside bassinet.

My husband works overnights.

My 3 year old has always been a high-needs sleeper. Close proximity, searches for me through the night, wakes up even if I roll away to use the bathroom or nurse the baby, etc. I have always attended to her every need and every cry at night. We stopped nursing overnight when my mental health took a dip managing both of them needing my breasts with no partner overnight to relieve me or help.

My 3 year old had bloodwork last year that apparently showed low ferritin but our pediatrician didn’t treat it or do anything about it until I expressed her extreme restlessness and my concern, beyond myself, that she’s really not getting good rest at all. So 3 months ago she gave her an iron supplement. I don’t know I noticed any improvement in sleep tbh. At her 3 year old checkup last week, they did a finger prick hemoglobin check and it was perfect. So she said no more iron.

My 4.5 month old must be moving through that developmental change plus teething, because while she used to give me 6-9 hour stretches it’s every 30,60,90 mins now.

When i get up to take care of baby, toddler wakes up.

Even when I’m laying with toddler, she’s tossing and turning and constantly seeking me. Arms wrapped around me, body tangled on me.

I fear that I’m nearing with baby where I, out of necessity, brought toddler into bed with me, but can’t imagine having both in bed safely.

I love having toddler in bed with me. I love her, and us, and our snuggles. Because my husband works overnights I think it’s comforting to both of us to have someone else in bed. I get it. But the restlessness and sitting up, waking up, easily disrupted and disturbed sleep is puzzling to me. I have been so patient, I thought it would get better at 1, at 2, and now at 3 y/o. But it’s just so hard every night. I nurture. I connect. I say yes to her needs. I hold her, every time.

Do I just keep waiting it out? Is this something I need to keep pressing to the pediatrician? Have you experienced this with a child as old as 3 or is this an outlier?

I’m so exhausted, I’m so desperate to both be a connected and nurturing mama and a rested and healthy one. Help.

Hi! I’m super experienced traveling with my first born (turning 3 in a month) and we have always used the Doona. We now have a 3 month old that will be using it, as we travel internationally next week. I’m still undecided and unplanned regarding the toddler’s car seat situation. Is there such thing as a Doona comparable product for a child 2-3 yo? Would you rent a suitable car seat in the destination country (Ireland in this case) — any experience with this situation at this age appreciated!!

I have bedshared 100% since my first daughter was about 3 months old. She’ll turn 3 years old in a few weeks (time really is a thief🥹) and we now have a 3 month old as well. Right now, my husband, 3 year old, and I bedshare in our big family bed (2 queens pushed together) and our baby sleeps in a bedside bassinet.

I’d cosleep with my babies for the rest of my life🤣😭 I love it and I love them and love going to sleep together, cuddling, and waking up together.

When did your cosleeping babies age out? As she turns 3, it’s making me wonder when it becomes a selfish choice of mine to not introduce her to her own bed? (She doesn’t even currently have one, her room is basically just a dressing and play room.)

Anyone have experience like this? Of loving it, and having your babies grow? How did you navigate it? Can I keep going without a “plan” so long as it is working for our family? I should note, my husband works nights most of the week so it’s always been her and I snuggled up💕 I don’t like sleeping alone either!!

Thanks in advance. Happy snuggling.

Hi everyone, grateful to be here in this shared space. I have been nursing my soon to be three year-old, she turns three at the end of September, with so much joy and connection and ease since the day she was born. It slowly dropped from so frequently to now just for her naps, to put her to sleep at bedtime, and the very rare moment she asks for it when I can tell it is her bid for connection which I am happy to oblige with.

I also have a soon to be three month old, and our breast-feeding journey is going just as beautifully and easeful. I don’t have any problems tandem nursing, and I love it. We had to put in a few boundaries for my almost 3 year-old, like nursing through the night really needed to stop just because I was feeling so depleted and tired.

But yesterday, my mother-in-law made a comment to my two year-old when she asked to nurse towards the end of the evening (her way of saying she’s tired, she didn’t take a nap that day and was very active) and MIL said “you’re still doing that?” And made a couple of comments about it being for babies. My main concern is that I don’t want my child to feel this strange guilt or shame, or whatever she might internalize it as at her young age. Is it worth it to say something to my mother-in-law? Do I just keep moving forward confidently? I know none of us believe that two going on three is too old to keep nursing, but when is it time? I always just planned on letting her lead the way, my heart breaks just thinking about that journey coming to an end for us.

Also, a sidenote, how do you get your toddler to sleep at bedtime without a boob? Lol I can’t even imagine! Thanks everyone. Lots of love.

I have a 2 year 9 month old + a fresh 2 month old. My older daughter has been the axis of my whole universe since the day she was born. I’ve been home with her and we have such a special connection, I had lots of conflicting feelings when I found out I was pregnant with my second.

My first is loving, kind, generous, patient, tender, affectionate, and so — so — incredibly bright for her age. She’s hitting some 1st grade milestones (without nudge from me) before her 3rd birthday.

All of this to paint the picture of our relationship. We are deeply connected, entwined, and honestly IN LOVE!!! We love each other so much and have such a “good thing going on,” as I like to say. It’s honestly very easy to be patient, accommodating, compassionate, and empathetic towards her.

But of course, two months ago her life got flipped upside down. And she’s two. And she’s growing. And and and. It’s so much for her. Remembering that every day❤️‍🩹

However the boundary testing, defiance, screaming, “naughtiness” (I don’t actually believe she’s being naughty bc I know it all has a deeper meaning but you know what I’m saying!) lately has been tough. I’m patient until I’m not. I’m composed until I’m not. I have capacity until I don’t. Then I’m making unrelated threats/ultimatums (“if you keep scream-crying while your sister is sleeping we’re not going to the library tomorrow!”) which I know makes no sense, I find myself in power struggles, and speaking in tones I do not like. I feel like I don’t get through more than a couple days without going to bed crying because I love her so much and yet, I said something in a stern/impatient/“short” tone which I just hate. Hate hate hate. For a 2 year old. She’s still a baby. She’s still my baby😔

This is rambly now. But anyone else? I feel like such a fuck up, out of control of my emotions and reactions. Are there parents out there who never lose their cool? Who maintain unadulterated compassionate composure even when they’re exhausted, overstimulated, under-supported, whatever it may be? I am very hard on myself and would just love to know if anyone else has been here or has perspectives that may help me reconcile with myself and sleep on these nights. Or ways to stay composed and loving 24/7 if that’s even possible. Ugh.

Thanks gentle parents ❤️❤️

Hi yall. I have a 2 year 9 month old + a 2 month old. My oldest has coslept with me since birth, has always been a frequent waker, nursed through the night until over 2 y/o, requires close proximity to me through the night, etc.

My 2 month old has already shown me how different kids can be😳 Like I didn’t know this existed. She has slept longer stretches in her 2 months than my toddler has yet to. It’s wild.

Anyway; a few months before NB was born, toddler started sleeping more soundly and longer stretches and stopped nursing overnight. It was a huge relief as I was getting extremely burnt out from all-night wakes for over 2 years straight.

(Adding that I’m alone with babies overnight as my husband works nights!)

But since NB, my toddler has reverted to being obsessed with the boob instead of happy with our special times of nursing before nap + bed. I honestly don’t mind tandem nursing sort of on demand for toddler during the day but now she’s waking up overnight frequently and throwing explosive tantrums that lead us all to waking up for hours and hours if I say no to boob overnight.

She is also waking much more frequently. More sensitive to me getting out of bed (to nurse NB, etc) and is sitting up in her sleep, just waking up more often while the NB snoozes soundly and sometimes for 7/8 hours straight. I’m getting worn out.

Toddler potty trained about 6 months ago but still wears pull-ups overnight. There have been a handful of nights that she wakes and asks to use potty and successfully does. She’s 2 years and 9 months old. Very advanced in language amongst other things; at a 1st grade level for some things. Just extremely bright. Trying to add context — is this a growth spurt? A developmental leap? A regression?

Or through cosleeping and nursing on demand for 2.5 years, have I nurtured a codependency that has left her without independent skills to go back to sleep on her own, deal with her big feelings, etc?

Is this a phase you’re familiar with? A temporary regression to be expected? Time to contact pediatrician?

Thank you in advance from this tired mama❤️

Hi, I’m so glad I found this group! It seems like the most appropriate place to ask for support/advice/experiences/resources around what I’m struggling with.

I have a 2 year 9 month old & a 6 week old newborn. I have EBF my eldest since birth without ever introducing bottles or pacifiers, so nursing is woven into the tapestry of our daily lives and relationship pretty intricately. At around 2, she naturally stopped waking as frequently overnight and eventually did not nurse overnight (hurrah! It had been 2 long years of many many nursing wake ups for mama) but then I got pregnant, and as soon as baby was born my eldest demanded boob overnight “out of nowhere” (we know this isn’t out of nowhere of course and the jealousy/confusion/being rattled with her life turning upside down is totally to be expected and handled with infinite compassion and grace) *BUT* it’s becoming a lot for me.

I’m alone at nights — husband works nights. And my toddler sleeps pretty good through the night wakes with my newborn except every. single. night. now at the newborns final overnight feed (somewhere between 4:30am-6am) my toddler will wake and scream, pull me, become absolutely hysterical if she does not get boob. I WANT to give in (I hate seeing her upset and it would essentially solve my problem in the moment faster) but I feel strongly about needing these boundaries. Especially because I really need the sleep. I happily nurse my toddler on demand throughout the day for comfort, to sleep for her nap, and to sleep at bedtime! We’ve never done any kind of weaning and I really always wanted to let her decide! I love nursing her. But I’m feeling worn out and also how physical she’s getting with me when I’m not able to say yes to her every whim (nursing newborn, bouncing her back to sleep, etc) and it’s leading me to desire at least THIS boundary of no boob for big girl overnight.

Has anyone had a similar experience or hears something here that they can shine light on or help me through? It’s so niche and I feel alone. I’m not ready to stop nursing my sweet girl and I know it’s not that black and white. And I’m struggling.

Thanks so much❤️

I’m the last person in the world I ever thought would SCREAM at my angel child, my whole world, the actual love of my life, my everything. But now I’m the person I hate. The worst version of myself. I’m so upset and confused.

I’m going to try to make this as concise as possible but I feel like some context is helpful.

I have a 2 year 9 month old & a 6 week old. The 2.9 year old is incredibly bright, loving, affectionate, sweet as can be, securely attached, absolutely delightful.

As expected, when new baby came we had some behavior changes that seemed like an appropriate response to her world being flipped upside down. Some defiance, regression, whatever. Compassion. Grace. All the things❤️ No problem.

The last couple of weeks, I’m at a “gentle/respectful/compassionate/attachment parenting” loss on how to appropriately address the defiance. I’m talking about defiance regarding safety things: running up the stairs without an adult, continuing to walk into the street after saying (yelling) STOP; kicking down the baby mirror in the backseat so I can see the newborn after explaining with respect and clarity WHY mommy needs the mirror to see baby sister (reflux and driving anxiety for me for context here) — This child is just not listening. Not a budge. Nothing helps. Today, I was so sleep deprived (both babies are on my boob all night, I’ve tried to get the toddler to respect the boundaries but she screams and cries hysterically and is up all night if I don’t give her boob) and anxious while driving both girls by myself that when she continued to kick the baby mirror off away from facing the baby, I screamed her name at the top of my lungs. Immediately felt sick to my stomach. The other day, she ran up the staircase by herself (against our rules) while I was holding the newborn and couldn’t chase her, and I yelled. I cannot make this a habit. Now I’m scared I am.

Please give me advice on how to stay gentle, calm, steady, compassionate while enacting necessary “stops” and boundaries. I truly pick my battles (wanna wear your nightgown to the library? Cool, let’s do it. Want a new banana cuz I cut it wrong? No prob, let’s do it.) but there are these certain things where I get so frustrated BECAUSE I give her so much freedom, autonomy, choice, a long leash. I just want a little respect. A little cooperation. For the times it matters.

Help.

I’m trying so hard but I feel like I’m getting it all wrong. Have I been too permissive? Have I ruined everything by yelling? 💔

Hello ❤️ I have a 2 year, 8 month old who recently became a big sister (have a 1 week old as well) and although it has been beautiful, incredibly sweet, and overall a good week of new baby being here, I can also see intense feelings and “behavior” in my toddler that is pushing every limit, testing every boundary; and I’m sure in a way saying, “look at me I’m still here and I’m important right?!”

For context, we have coslept in our family bed with our toddler since she was born, she was EBF and still nurses for naps and bed and occasional comfort, and I’m home with her. She’s the best. Kind, smart, generous, loving. She’s the love of my life!❤️ it was hard for me to grapple with the idea of bringing another child into the world bc I’ve had such a beautiful time and strong connection w my first.

That being said, I feel like the job of “parenting” is really starting to kick in now at this age. Holding the boundary, being consistent with behavior and expectations, and being mindful of everything as they’re little sponges. I’m very tender with her, very sensitive to any discomfort and her needs, but I also find myself getting impatient or frustrated and then experiencing extreme guilt.

Are there parenting books or methodologies to help me stay grounded in the frustrating toddler moments even though my girl is as sweet as can be and just being 2? I need reminders to stay anchored. Help to uphold boundaries. Practices and methods to hold the space for her big feelings without me collapsing within them too.

This feels a little chaotic but I’m a week postpartum and feeling all the things, and just don’t want to fuck anyone up. I’ve never loved anything or anyone so much and doing right by them is all I can think about.

Thank you, conscious caretakers❤️

Help😭 my 2.5 year old daughter has bed shared with us (which is really just me 4x a week bc my husband works nights) since she was born and still nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime although miraculously she stopped asking for the breast overnight about 3 months agk