u/verywellcouldbe

Hi, I’m so glad I found this group! It seems like the most appropriate place to ask for support/advice/experiences/resources around what I’m struggling with.

I have a 2 year 9 month old & a 6 week old newborn. I have EBF my eldest since birth without ever introducing bottles or pacifiers, so nursing is woven into the tapestry of our daily lives and relationship pretty intricately. At around 2, she naturally stopped waking as frequently overnight and eventually did not nurse overnight (hurrah! It had been 2 long years of many many nursing wake ups for mama) but then I got pregnant, and as soon as baby was born my eldest demanded boob overnight “out of nowhere” (we know this isn’t out of nowhere of course and the jealousy/confusion/being rattled with her life turning upside down is totally to be expected and handled with infinite compassion and grace) *BUT* it’s becoming a lot for me.

I’m alone at nights — husband works nights. And my toddler sleeps pretty good through the night wakes with my newborn except every. single. night. now at the newborns final overnight feed (somewhere between 4:30am-6am) my toddler will wake and scream, pull me, become absolutely hysterical if she does not get boob. I WANT to give in (I hate seeing her upset and it would essentially solve my problem in the moment faster) but I feel strongly about needing these boundaries. Especially because I really need the sleep. I happily nurse my toddler on demand throughout the day for comfort, to sleep for her nap, and to sleep at bedtime! We’ve never done any kind of weaning and I really always wanted to let her decide! I love nursing her. But I’m feeling worn out and also how physical she’s getting with me when I’m not able to say yes to her every whim (nursing newborn, bouncing her back to sleep, etc) and it’s leading me to desire at least THIS boundary of no boob for big girl overnight.

Has anyone had a similar experience or hears something here that they can shine light on or help me through? It’s so niche and I feel alone. I’m not ready to stop nursing my sweet girl and I know it’s not that black and white. And I’m struggling.

Thanks so much❤️

I’m the last person in the world I ever thought would SCREAM at my angel child, my whole world, the actual love of my life, my everything. But now I’m the person I hate. The worst version of myself. I’m so upset and confused.

I’m going to try to make this as concise as possible but I feel like some context is helpful.

I have a 2 year 9 month old & a 6 week old. The 2.9 year old is incredibly bright, loving, affectionate, sweet as can be, securely attached, absolutely delightful.

As expected, when new baby came we had some behavior changes that seemed like an appropriate response to her world being flipped upside down. Some defiance, regression, whatever. Compassion. Grace. All the things❤️ No problem.

The last couple of weeks, I’m at a “gentle/respectful/compassionate/attachment parenting” loss on how to appropriately address the defiance. I’m talking about defiance regarding safety things: running up the stairs without an adult, continuing to walk into the street after saying (yelling) STOP; kicking down the baby mirror in the backseat so I can see the newborn after explaining with respect and clarity WHY mommy needs the mirror to see baby sister (reflux and driving anxiety for me for context here) — This child is just not listening. Not a budge. Nothing helps. Today, I was so sleep deprived (both babies are on my boob all night, I’ve tried to get the toddler to respect the boundaries but she screams and cries hysterically and is up all night if I don’t give her boob) and anxious while driving both girls by myself that when she continued to kick the baby mirror off away from facing the baby, I screamed her name at the top of my lungs. Immediately felt sick to my stomach. The other day, she ran up the staircase by herself (against our rules) while I was holding the newborn and couldn’t chase her, and I yelled. I cannot make this a habit. Now I’m scared I am.

Please give me advice on how to stay gentle, calm, steady, compassionate while enacting necessary “stops” and boundaries. I truly pick my battles (wanna wear your nightgown to the library? Cool, let’s do it. Want a new banana cuz I cut it wrong? No prob, let’s do it.) but there are these certain things where I get so frustrated BECAUSE I give her so much freedom, autonomy, choice, a long leash. I just want a little respect. A little cooperation. For the times it matters.

Help.

I’m trying so hard but I feel like I’m getting it all wrong. Have I been too permissive? Have I ruined everything by yelling? 💔

Hello ❤️ I have a 2 year, 8 month old who recently became a big sister (have a 1 week old as well) and although it has been beautiful, incredibly sweet, and overall a good week of new baby being here, I can also see intense feelings and “behavior” in my toddler that is pushing every limit, testing every boundary; and I’m sure in a way saying, “look at me I’m still here and I’m important right?!”

For context, we have coslept in our family bed with our toddler since she was born, she was EBF and still nurses for naps and bed and occasional comfort, and I’m home with her. She’s the best. Kind, smart, generous, loving. She’s the love of my life!❤️ it was hard for me to grapple with the idea of bringing another child into the world bc I’ve had such a beautiful time and strong connection w my first.

That being said, I feel like the job of “parenting” is really starting to kick in now at this age. Holding the boundary, being consistent with behavior and expectations, and being mindful of everything as they’re little sponges. I’m very tender with her, very sensitive to any discomfort and her needs, but I also find myself getting impatient or frustrated and then experiencing extreme guilt.

Are there parenting books or methodologies to help me stay grounded in the frustrating toddler moments even though my girl is as sweet as can be and just being 2? I need reminders to stay anchored. Help to uphold boundaries. Practices and methods to hold the space for her big feelings without me collapsing within them too.

This feels a little chaotic but I’m a week postpartum and feeling all the things, and just don’t want to fuck anyone up. I’ve never loved anything or anyone so much and doing right by them is all I can think about.

Thank you, conscious caretakers❤️

Help😭 my 2.5 year old daughter has bed shared with us (which is really just me 4x a week bc my husband works nights) since she was born and still nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime although miraculously she stopped asking for the breast overnight about 3 months agk