u/Ok_Introduction_1414

Hello! I was recently reflecting on my gender journey and wanted to share. For context, I was on T for two years and completely socially transitioned as a man during that time, and now I’ve been off T for 8 months and, once classes begin, I am about to be fully out socially as a woman again.

Pictures 1 and 2 are current, 3 is 2 years on T, 4 is 1 year on T, and 5 is pre-T

I’m pretty anxious about this, over the past few months I have come to the realization that I initially transitioned because I always felt out of place with women (I’m 6’1 and neurodivergent), and it felt more comfortable to be perceived as a man instead of an “unusual” and poorly socialized woman.

Presenting as a woman again feels like I’m opening myself up to all that shame all over again, but I also know that I’m personally happier with myself and my body now. I’m hoping that taking the leap to post here first will help my courage haha

I’ve been lurking in this sub for a while now, and I also just wanted to thank y’all for being so open about your experiences… it has helped me so much in questioning what I want for myself and making me feel less alone <3

Hello, this has just been on my mind a lot and I feel like this community is the only one to actually get where I’m coming from.

I‘m female, and I started testosterone 2 years ago after spending most of my life being called a man anyways. I’m abnormally tall for a woman (6’+), have broader shoulders, and more masculine features. When I was 18, I responded to years of bullying/nastiness by believing that if I transitioned to be a man, then I would finally “match” my appearance to social norms and people would be nicer to me. It worked. I fully passed as a cis man less than 3 months into testosterone, and everyone just started being so much kinder to me.

And now I hate it. I’m not a man, I’ve never been a man, and the only reason I did any of this was to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I hear and see myself and just want to curl up and never be perceived by anyone ever again.

I’ve been slowly attempting to detransition, but I keep being read as a trans woman and, since I now live in a more conservative area, it is ironically safer for me to keep up the act of being a man than return to being a woman. My voice used to be the only part of me that people would use to recognize that I was cis fem, and now, after testosterone, that just gives the impression that I’m mtf too… I’m starting to feel like I should just give up on the whole “being a woman“ thing and accept that when I transitioned to becoming a guy, that was the only pathway for me to be accepted. I feel so hopeless.

8 months off T, starting my next year of college as a woman (nervous)!

I feel like I’m only socially accepted if I’m seen as a man (FTM detrans)