u/Ok_Mousse3645

Hi all! Sorry if this is under the wrong flair but I’m genuinely so stumped as to how I’m supposed to deal with the constant reminder of how bad it can get every single time I even look down at my legs or arms.

I’m SO much better now, like currently I’m very glad to say that i genuinely love my life and I’m having so much fun, but now I’m just left with the constant reminder with how bad the scars on my legs and arms look.

I’m not an insecure person by any means, I’ve kind of gotten over myself with everything that used to be a touchy subject - like I’m not going to stop looking like a literal pole with how tall I am and how I’m built and I’m over the fact that my quads are always gonna gain muscle more than anywhere else for some reason so my legs look a little funny, but nevertheless I’m the leanest I’ve ever been while actually being healthy and eating enough and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!!
But I just can’t get past how bad the scars look, they aren’t even silver and flat - most of them are purpleish and some are raised for some reason and they aren’t even in a hideable spot! They’re literally on the front of my thigh and the top at the side, the ones on my arms aren’t as bad but you can 100% see them.

I want to start swimming to go alongside the fact that I run and cycle competitively alongside weightlifting, but I just can’t cope with how bad they look but I’m also SO weird about having stuff on my legs while I’m underwater because for some reason I feel like I’m gonna drown, so I can’t even cover them up!! It just feels like I have a constant reminder of what I used to do to myself that everybody has a full view of. Like I’m so scared of making others uncomfy or if I make somebody want to do it?? I’d feel so horrible!!

It’s strange, because I’m fine with wearing shorts to run in and just to frolic around in and even the skimpiest bikini you’ve ever seen while abroad, but I think it’s the fact that I can’t really make the rest of me look good while wearing a swimsuit to swim laps rather than tanning 🤷‍♀️. I just don’t know how to get over the fact they’ll always be there until i literally die when I’m literally only 17 now and I’ll probably at some point get people asking about them, i already had somebody ask if I was okay once when I was mid-set at the gym loll.

I know that essentially they’re the same as other scars and I’d NEVER judge anybody else for having any form of scars because that’d just be horrible, but it just feels so different when it’s myself rather than another person, especially when it’s my own fault and partly choice that they’re there.

I’m just not sure what to do, like how in the world do you even deal with the constant reminder of what you used to do to yourself and how bad they look when everything else is literally fine?? Like oh my god I don’t want to make people uncomfortable with the sight of them

I thought that I fully recovered from my eating disorder last time but it’s been slowly creeping back up on me for months, and I realise that some traits never really left.
I’ve been doing so well for literally like two years, I’ve invested SO much time and money into triathlon and I’m actually quite good at it and through the time when I’ve actually been able to train over said two years it’s been the biggest thing keeping me sane. I was eating enough to get myself through it too, like yes I’d gained A LOT of weight from my lw but I was still lean by normal standards and i genuinely felt amazing.

But for months I’ve just been getting so so much worse again. It started with me tracking calories and macros to be more precise with my nutrition, and then I started to restrict again, then I reopened my Twitter account, and now I’m just absolutely obliterating my fitness by constantly underfueling. Trying to get through a tempo session on the bike on a slice of dry toast and a dream isn’t fun.

I’m absolutely sick of the constant cycle, I was doing so well and now I’m just doing this and I’m terrified to gain weight again. And I know that you have to do scary things in order to grow as a person, but i genuinely can’t even do it scared - when that’s literally what I live by so I’m just going against myself and my principles while consecutively destroying everything I’ve worked for?!!??

I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m absolutely miserable and I can’t even do everything like I used to anymore, it just feels like I’ve wasted a stupid amount of time and money on this just to mess it up again

Hi all! Apologies if this is the wrong sub, but I’m looking to get into triathlon & I have a background in distance running but I’m absolutely stumped in regard to road bikes.

I’ve been riding a carrera zelos road bike which my mum bought YEARS ago for the past couple of months which probably hadn’t moved out of the shed in years, however the chain seems to have a habit of literally falling off when I switch gears and it weighs a ton - so I’m looking to buy myself another bike loll

I’m kind of looking for recommendations as to what to buy given that there seems to be SO much information online that it’s just getting confusing! I’m a 5’6 female and my inseam is about 30 inches, I’m looking to spend like £1.5k at most as I’m having to dip into my savings to my dismay 🙈🙈

I’m planning to have a look in some local shops, but I’m also planning to have a look second hand so if anybody has any pointers on what I should look for or any recommendations it’d be greatly appreciated, thank you!! :)

I’m unsure about the regulations for stuff like this as I’m almost seventeen so not an adult. I’ll just put a warning here for mentioning suicide I’m sorry!
But I have been actively planning an attempt for a little while now, I’m not in imminent danger or currently going to do anything right now I promise!!

I’m feeling quite guilty for not even trying to get help, I’m relying on people being angry at me for doing this so they’re not as upset but obviously that isn’t guaranteed.
I’m absolutely miserable and I don’t know if me wanting help is partly because I’m scared or because I know how bad it’ll hurt, so maybe I should stop acting like a child, but it feels like something I should do before such a permanent decision.

I’m just scared of risking ending up in the hospital again because of this or it impacting my plans. If anybody has any input it’d be greatly appreciated, thank you! :)

Sorry kinda TMI, but I’m always absolutely RAVENOUS on the first day of my period.
I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but today alone I’ve genuinely eaten (on top of my calories in my deficit) TWO mugs of cornflakes with skimmed milk, some watermelon, and a 200g pot yoghurt with some strawberries.

I don’t even want to think about what my calories are at today but I’m literally like a bottomless pit on the first day and I don’t know how to stop it. I literally eat 1600 cals, 30g fibre & 120g protein on the days when I’m not cycling and only doing like 15k steps and stretching and then up to 2000 on days when I am cycling as I’m burning like 1000 calories on most rides given the amount of hills ect ect & the distance. I’m 5’6 & 130lbs for context.
But today I’ve literally had my 1600 and then proceeded to eat like a literal bear going into hibernation???

If anybody has any advice on avoiding this or just ignoring it that’d be greatly appreciated, thank you!

Hi all! I’m currently having some issues dropping a couple of pounds and I’m not particularly sure what to do.
I’ve found that I keep cutting my calories too low since I feel like I’m still in the mindset that I have to in order to lose weight, when I know that I can lose the 4 kilos or whatever would have me looking a tad leaner that I want to with a smaller deficit.
I’m unsure what my maintenance actually is, I’m guessing a ballpark of around 2200 give or take with 10k daily steps and around 150km cycled per week with elevation.
I usually tend to do well all day, but by the time I’ve done all of my exercise for the day & I have eaten dinner, I’m still a tad hungry and then one scoop of sorbet turns into half of the kitchen - pushing me way over my deficit. I’m just a little anxious to eat more just in case my maintenance isn’t actually that high and I’m actually just a fraud?? I want to lose this weight before August for a holiday which I’ve left a little last minute.

I’m aiming for 115g of protein and 35g fibre and filling the rest with fats & carbs but I’m still a tad stuck on what to do for my daily total calories in, particularly with not eating everything at the end of the day because right now it’s 10pm and I’m already at like 2.5k calories purely from demolishing like half a bunch of bananas and a punnet of strawberries along with various other fruits and I feel like I’m about to keel over. I probably need to get back into the gym so I can increase my tdee even more but I fear I am just the laziest person ever 🙈
If anybody has any suggestions on what I should be doing it’d be greatly appreciated, thank you!!

Hi all! I’m just wondering if it’s possible to lose like 8-10lbs in a month, particularly without absolutely destroying your fitness 🙈

I have exactly 52 days until I go abroad & I don’t want to spend the whole time being violently insecure in a swimsuit, particularly after gaining like 15lbs - some of it is definitely muscle from running & cycling but there’s quite a bit of fat.
My sedentary maintenance is about 1650, but I can burn upwards of like 1500 on the bike so it definitely ranges and i really do need to work out an average to get my maintenance.
I know that I could just create a deficit of like 1100 every day, but would this absolutely demolish my fitness or would i probably be okay for a month?

I was thinking of just crossing my fingers that it’d be okay, but I’m a little worried. Any advice would be appreciated greatly, thank you!

Hi all! I’m currently trying to lose between 8-10lbs after gaining literally 15lbs in 2 months from binging, being inactive due to exams & some family issues 🙈, I’m currently 5’6 and 128lbs.

I’m aiming for anywhere below 1750 calories, 110g protein minimum & about 30g fibre but I’m a little worried that I shouldn’t be eating that much??

I’ve never been one to track calories or be bothered about my weight, since I’m usually able to eat whatever given how much I’m burning though my sports, I usually just focus on eating as healthily as possible. I’m a distance runner, swimmer & cycle, I cycle more than anything though & tend to burn quite a lot on most rides according to my watch 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. I’m not sure how much to believe of said watch though, how in the world am I burning almost 2k purely through my workouts on some days???

I’ve been maintaining for a few months after getting more of a hold on myself and and keeping an eye on what I’m eating while on the bike, I haven’t binged in a while also.

The online maintenance calculator app says that my sedentary maintenance is about 1650 ish, so should I be creating my deficit through purely exercise or should I be eating below my sedentary maintenance? And also am i eating too much as I’m already tweaking a little on how I’m going to allocate my calories to my longer sessions in terms of gels ect
If anybody has any suggestions it’d be greatly appreciated, thank you!!

Like genuinely I think that I’m far too susceptible to this because why in the world do I feel so normal and less like an absolute weirdo after I’ve had a few drinks. Like I can actually talk and not constantly worry about focusing on picking up people’s tone and if I’m talking too much and if they’re being sarcastic or not, it’s literally so freeing.
Like I’m not talking blackout, but definitely just buzzed - I’ve been out this evening with my friends to a gig and then to the local park & had a couple shots and i genuinely feel normal and less like some evil antisocial weirdo and I just want to feel like this all of the time.

I’m supposed to be going to uni next year but I’m really scared what the drinking culture over there is going to be like and what this turns me into. I need to get minimum A*AA in my a levels next year and i genuinely think if I carry on like I am then I’m not going to get that because my brain will be absolutely spangled.

I don’t know whether it’s the whole feeling normal thing that makes me kind of wish that I was drunk 24/7 or the fact that there must be something within my personality or me as a person which makes me more susceptible to being addictive over things - I’ve had ongoing issues with self harm for the past like 5 years, literally since I was like 12, along with eating related stuff.
I jusf dont want to ruin my life and im really scared that this will, but i just can’t cope with how normal drinking makes me feel and i dont know how else i can feel like that

Hi all! I’m looking for everybody’s thoughts on if I resat the year at sixth form because of my ed. For some context, my eating disorder has gotten rather bad lately and I’m at the point where I know that it is going to kill me if I don’t recover and I’m very scared
I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty because I’ve already had an absolute meltdown over how scared I am today, but it’s certainly not looking too hot symptom-wise, and I’m more scared of death than I am anything else - and I’ve spent too much time having a scream over supercurriculars for my uni application to die before I even get to submit my applications.

I was debating resitting year 12 so I’m not freaking out over revising at the summer (since I have to do early application to one of the unis) while I’m consecutively freaking out over having to actually commit to getting better, but I’m not sure if I should just stick to it and go into year 13 in September as planned since studying might distract me a little?? I’m just worried about my grades, I need minimum A*AA but I’m hoping for three A*’s, so I don’t want to jeopardise that.

My parents are fine with me doing whatever I want regarding this since every time I ask they just say that they just want me to be happy, and that I’d be better being behind a year than not making it to next year, which I appreciate but I’m very stumped.

I don’t fully know what is going to happen when I go to the GP about this, I’m booking the appointment tomorrow, but I’m beyond caring and absolutely sick to death of this controlling my entire life and I don’t want it to ruin my life more than it has by ruining my education.
If anybody has any advice as to whether I should see if i could resit or if I should just keep going as planned it’d be greatly appreciated, thank you!

I genuinely feel like I’ll never be able to get better, I’m absolutely petrified of gaining weight and i genuinely have about 25lbs to gain before I’m within even the margins of being a healthy bmi and i literally can’t do it. I feel physically ill at the thought of it happening but I know that I can’t keep living like this - especially with moving down south for uni next year hopefully.

I genuinely hate how I look more than I did when I was 40lbs heavier, I wasn’t even fat I swear I was only trying to lose weight to feel smaller because of how stupidly tall I have always been for my age and still am. I feel more gigantic now than ever, and then I’m just going to get even more colossal the second I try to get help. It’s more the control now than my weight, I’m quite scared to lose any more weight but I desperately want to, I looked so much better back then like I look at photos of my face before this and I was SO cute what the hell

And I feel like such a horrible person for being like this because it feels like such as inherently wasteful disorder in regards to food, money, time, and the amount of memories and experiences that I’ve missed out on because I’ve been too focused on food and having to eat when somebody else probably would’ve loved all of the things which I’m just like this with. It feels particularly worse and somewhat even ironic given the fact that I want to work within politics and help people in the future and i literally write articles and papers on inequalities like this yet I’m just contributing to this by being the way I am

I’m planning to go to either my GP or counsellor at sixth form soon when i eventually grow a pair but i just can’t face the fact that it’ll eventually lead to me having to gain weight, and i fear that I’ll never be brave enough to ever do that. I asked on here the other day about what’d happen if i went to my GP about this (sorry for posting again whoops!!) so now i know what to expect, but I’m literally absolutely terrified and I can’t do this anymore.
I feel like this is turning me stupid too?! I was literally trying to write an article that i had FULLY planned and I can’t even think of what to write?!!

I just think that I’m never going to be brave enough to reach out for help and actually gain the weight back before this does actually kill me and I’m really quite scared because I genuinely had my entire life planned out before this and I still do and I can see a future where I do eventually recover but I can’t see how I’m going to do it.

Apologies if this isn’t allowed in this sub or if I should post it elsewhere.
I’m genuinely at the point where as I’m terrified to gain weight and I’d probably rather die than do so, but I’m also equally as terrified of death - and I’m at the point where I know that I can’t keep living like this, so the consequences of either option don’t seem brilliant currently but I know that one is definitely far too permanent and something needs to change, especially before I go to uni next year

Like genuinely I don’t think about anything else but my weight and what’s in what I’m eating and i genuinely don’t enjoy anything like going abroad because I can’t weigh myself and control every aspect of what’s going on, so I’m kind of at rock bottom. I miss being able to eat normally and I moreso miss everything that I used to do that included food, like how literally since I was like six when I’d go into the city to restaurants with my dad which he’d been to with customers and said that he was “scoping out” to take me lolll, now I’m too scared to even go into a restaurant

Without going into specifics, my bmi is in the low teens and I am currently averaging an absolute maximum of like 900 calories/day and about 15k steps, I used to purge until like last week when I was doing it and almost collapsed and thought that I was going to die. I was going to wait until I got to a lower bmi to talk to somebody about this since I still feel genuinely suffocated by the fat on myself, but I feel like it’s a moving target.

I’m just wondering if anybody knows what would happen or has a vague idea if I went to my GP about this because I’m terrified of the unknown and what could happen to me, thank you!

Hi all! As the title suggests, I always stay consistent for like 2 weeks and then end up going literally like over 1.5k above my deficit and eating a couple hundred over maintenance, which really freaks me out especially when I gain like a couple lbs on the scale the next morning. My maintenance is only like 2.1k even with working out, running, or cycling literally every single day and twice a day a couple times a week, so it isn’t particularly that hard to go over once I’m half way through a bag of cashews after dinner, especially with the fact that if I didn’t do all of that my maintenance would literally be 1400 🙈
I’ve lost around 18 ish kgs so far and I’m hoping to lose another couple, but I feel like I’m ruining my progress every time I go over and it’s so demotivating!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

5’7, 42kg ish, 16F
Apologies if this isn’t allowed in this sub or if I should post it elsewhere, but I’m genuinely at the point where as much as I’m terrified to gain weight and I’d probably rather die than do so, this has genuinely taken everything from me and I know that something desperately needs to change, especially before I go to university next year.

Like genuinely I don’t think about anything else but my weight and what’s in what I’m eating and i genuinely don’t enjoy anything like going abroad because I can’t weigh myself and control every aspect of what’s going on, so I’m kind of at rock bottom.

I have lost around 18kg in total & am currently averaging an absolute maximum of like 900 calories/day and about 15k steps, I used to purge until like last week when I was doing it and almost collapsed and thought that I was going to die. I was going to wait until I got to a lower bmi to talk to somebody about this since I still feel genuinely suffocated by the fat on myself, but I feel like it’s a moving target.

I’m just wondering if anybody knows what would happen or has a vague idea if I went to my GP about this because I’m really quite scared of the unknown on what could happen to me, thank you!

I know that this eating disorder is going to kill me, I’m too much of a coward to recover because I fear that I would rather die than gain weight and end up in the hospital again.

I’m so miserable every single day because of this, I feel like every waking hour is consumed by thoughts of “is this going to make me gain?” “how many calories are in this?” And feeling absolutely morbidly obese. It has genuinely turned me stupid because I genuinely can’t think and I struggle to hold a conversation at this point - I’m predicted all A*’s for my A levels, I’m not getting that and i literally need to keep it up to apply to Cambridge later this year because I’ve literally had my heart set on the same course since I was genuinely like 12!! I can’t say that it’s ruining my future because I cannot see a future where this doesn’t kill me, but if this was different I’d say that it’s ruining me.

I can’t enjoy anything anymore, I have been on holiday in Greece with my family for the past week and im genuinely unable to even enjoy anything fully because I can’t weigh myself, I can’t track everything I eat, and I have absolutely no control over - I should be happy that we’re abroad but no, I’m just constantly panicking! I’m trying to stay within my calorie limit on this holiday but I can’t guesstimate restaurants properly because god knows what they’re putting in food to fatten me up!! I can’t even purge anymore because without going into detail I had a really scary experience with it last week where I thought I was going to either die or have to go to A&E, I should probably get over myself and just do it but I’m so scared.

I can genuinely see every ounce of fat on my body, how in the world are my hip bones sticking out enough for me to physically grab them but I still have fat on my stomach??? I don’t even know which is fat, which is skin, and which is muscle anymore! I can feel every ounce of fat on myself and it’s absolutely suffocating. I just want to lose everything until there’s nothing left of me, I feel like I’m rotting from the inside out and I’m so exhausted.

I can’t enjoy anything without being worried about having to eat, I’ve skipped so many plans with my friends, going abroad for my 16th birthday was genuinely just stress upon stress, and skipping absolutely everything under the sun just out of fear and I’m a horrible person. I’m so scared of dying but I think that I’d rather that than have to recover and gain weight
I’m sorry if this is kind of a rant i genuinely feel like I’m going insane