AITAH for cutting ties with my best friend of 17 years after she humiliated me in front of strangers at a bar?
I (30F) recently ended a 17-year friendship with my best friend (31F). We’ll call her **Lauren**.
Lauren and I met when we were 13 in middle school after she transferred from another African country. She was loud, quirky, forgetful, and honestly didn’t fit in with most kids, but I loved that about her. She always made me laugh, and we bonded over being African, even though we came from different parts of the continent. We stayed best friends for 17 years. She knew everything about my life, including the ups and downs of my relationships, and I knew hers.
Last week we went out to celebrate me passing my nursing boards and officially becoming an LPN.
When we got to the bar, Lauren pointed out a guy she knew (I’ll call him **Schmick-head**) and said he always brings up “that situation” involving me from about 4½ years ago. At first, I genuinely couldn’t remember what she was talking about because it had been so long. She tried jogging my memory but eventually dropped it.
For context, what she was referring to happened years ago at another bar. We were all hanging out outside when my now ex (and the father of my son) showed up drunk. He became convinced Schmick-head was flirting with me and wanted to fight him. Everyone kept telling him nothing was happening, but alcohol was involved and he wasn’t listening.
At that point in my life, my relationship with my ex was incredibly toxic. Whenever he drank, he could become verbally abusive and sometimes violent. That night was humiliating because it happened in front of friends and strangers, and it’s honestly something I’ve tried to move past.
Fast forward to last week.
Lauren and I grabbed our drinks and went out to the patio. It was a small patio with maybe 10-12 people and no music, so everyone could hear everyone else’s conversations.
Schmick-head came outside with his friends, saw Lauren and me, greeted her, then looked at me and said I looked familiar.
I told him I didn’t remember him.
Then, loud enough for everyone to hear, he said:
“Oh yeah, you’re the girl whose crazy boyfriend wanted to fight me because he thought you were flirting with me.”
I immediately felt embarrassed.
I responded, “Bro, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. I would never flirt with you. You’re not even my type.”
I was hoping he’d drop it.
Instead, he turned to Lauren and said, “Lauren, don’t you remember? That was a crazy night.”
Lauren smirked and said,
“I’m staying out of this. I plead the fifth.”
I actually appreciated that… for about two seconds.
Then she immediately followed it up with,
“But yeah, sis… that WAS a crazy night.”
She continued by loudly telling him,
“Yeah, that’s the night he was telling me you should be more like me and how I should teach you how to be a good woman.”
Then she laughed it off saying my ex was “probably drunk and on coke.”
Meanwhile, I was sitting there completely silent, staring at my phone because I was so embarrassed. I was literally shaking.
Schmick-head kept dragging the story out while Lauren kept responding to him instead of reading the room and realizing how uncomfortable I was.
When he finally finished, he tried to shake my hand. I refused and told him I wasn’t shaking his hand. He got the hint and walked away.
Then Lauren looked at me and asked,
“Are you okay? Why are you so quiet?”
I honestly couldn’t believe she even had to ask.
I told her I was fine because I didn’t want to explode in front of everyone. I went inside the bar for about 15 minutes to calm down.
Later I pulled her aside privately and explained why I was hurt.
I told her that she should have left it at “I plead the fifth.” Instead, she joined in and turned one of the most traumatic and embarrassing moments of my life into entertainment for everyone sitting around us. I also told her I would never have done that to her.
Instead of apologizing, she became defensive.
She insisted she wasn’t agreeing with him because she’d said “I plead the fifth.”
I told her that didn’t matter because she immediately continued the conversation afterward. She never acknowledged how uncomfortable I was even though it was obvious.
Eventually I got frustrated, ended the conversation, and she left the bar.
The next day I sent her a voice message explaining my feelings more calmly because I wanted to make sure I communicated everything clearly.
About two hours later she sent me what honestly looked like a ChatGPT-written essay.
Instead of apologizing, she told me:
\- I take things too personally.
\- The guy makes jokes about everyone.
\- Nobody else at the bar cared or was even paying attention.
\- I have years of unresolved bitterness.
\- I should go to therapy.
\- She brought up unrelated conflicts from years ago to argue that I’ve never forgiven her for past “MISTAKES”(This isn’t the first messed up situation she’s done to me)
\- States she can’t be friends with someone who brings “unresolved anger and bitterness” in her life.
I responded that this wasn’t about events from years ago—it was about what happened that night. I told her she refused to take accountability, made my feelings about herself, and kept justifying her behavior instead of simply acknowledging that she hurt me.
We ended our 17-year friendship that day.
Some mutual friends think I overreacted because “it was just a joke,” while most think Lauren should have shut the conversation down the moment she realized I was uncomfortable.
**AITAH for ending a 17-year friendship over this?**
Edit: I haven’t decided to end our friendship over this one situation alone. Context is in the comments. This is just the tip of the iceberg guys, y’all have no idea.