[Musing] Sometimes, Losing Someone Is How You Find Better Love
Lately, I haven’t been feeling so well physically. I’ve been having a hard time digesting food, so I’ve been trying to be more careful with what I eat.
And these past few days, my girlfriend has been buying me fruits and vegetables. She’s also been cooking vegetable dishes for me, just trying to help me feel better and make things a little easier for me.
And somehow, in the middle of all that, I had this realization:
I’m actually really lucky.
It made me think about my past relationship.
I once had an ex-girlfriend whom I loved very, very deeply. It took me years to truly get over her. For a long time, I thought losing her was one of the saddest things that had ever happened to me.
But looking back now, with a little more distance and maturity, I realize that maybe letting go of each other was actually one of the best things that could have happened to both of us.
I remember one particular situation.
She had an old iPhone case that she didn’t like anymore. She also used to complain that her phone battery would run out after only a few hours, and that she didn’t have a good quality case.
So for our monthsary, I thought I’d surprise her.
I bought her a power bank and a new phone case. I even had them shipped early because I wanted to make sure they’d arrive on time.
I wasn’t expecting anything grand in return. I just saw something she needed, thought about her, and wanted to make her life a little easier.
But when she received them, instead of being happy, she told me she didn’t like the power bank because it wasn’t Xiaomi and that Xiaomi was better.
She also didn’t like the phone case because it was a hard case, and she preferred soft cases.
I remember being hurt by that.
Not because she didn’t like the gifts themselves. People are allowed to have preferences. It’s not wrong to prefer Xiaomi or a soft phone case.
What hurt was the feeling behind it.
When you love someone, sometimes you see a small problem in their life and your instinct is simply, “Maybe I can help with that.”
You spend time thinking about what they might need. You spend money. You make arrangements. You try to make their life a little easier.
And when that effort is met with disappointment instead of appreciation, it can really hurt.
At the time, I didn’t fully understand what that feeling meant.
But now, experiencing the way my current girlfriend cares for me, I understand it a little better.
She doesn’t have to do grand things.
She just notices.
She notices that I’m not feeling well.
She notices what might make me feel better.
She buys me fruits. She gets me vegetables. She cooks for me.
And there’s something incredibly comforting about being loved by someone whose instinct is to care for you—not because you asked, but because they noticed you needed it.
And that made me realize something else:
Sometimes, we can spend years mourning the person we lost, without realizing that what we actually lost was something we were never meant to keep.
I loved my ex. I really did.
But loving someone deeply doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re meant to spend your life with them.
Sometimes a relationship ends not because the love wasn’t real, but because the relationship wasn’t right for you.
And sometimes, years later, you look at the person you’re with now and realize:
“Oh. So this is what it feels like when love feels like care.”
So if you’re currently in a relationship and you’re wondering whether that person is really the one for you, don’t just look at how much you love them.
Look at how they treat you.
Look at how they respond when you’re struggling.
Look at whether they notice the little things.
Look at whether caring for you comes naturally to them.
And maybe most importantly, look at how you feel when you’re loved by them.
Because sometimes, the right relationship doesn’t feel like constantly trying to prove that you’re worth loving.
Sometimes, it just feels like someone quietly buying you fruits and vegetables because they know you’re not feeling well.
And honestly, I’m just really grateful that I get to experience that now.