I recently paid my outstanding balance with BPI, and I noticed that my credit limit increased from ₱122,000 to ₱138,000.
I wasn’t expecting it, so I was pleasantly surprised. 😅
Small win! Sharing in case anyone else has experienced the same thing.
Pros and Cons of Gambling in My Life
What Gambling Gave Me (Pros)
Importance (1-10)
6 Temporary excitement and adrenaline
8 Escape from stress and anxiety
9 Hope that I could solve my financial problems quickly
5 Brief feeling of happiness when I won
7 A false sense of control over my finances
8 Something to distract me from emotional pain
Total: 43
What Gambling Took Away (Cons)
Importance (1-10)
10 More than ₱1 million lost to gambling
10 Over ₱1 million total debt
10 Peace of mind
10 Trust from my partner
10 Constant anxiety before every payday
10 Panic attacks and emotional breakdowns
10 Feeling ashamed of myself
9 Living paycheck to paycheck despite having a good salary
10 Delayed financial goals (house improvement, savings, investments)
9 Lost sleep because of worrying
9 Compulsive shopping after gambling losses
9 Time that could have been spent with family and loved ones
9 Constant fear of collection calls and bills
10 My confidence and self-respect
10 Spiritual peace and relationship with God
10 Happiness that money could not buy
Total: 155
My Reflection
When I look at these two columns, I realize that everything gambling gave me was temporary, while almost everything it took from me has lasted for years.
The excitement only lasted minutes.
The wins only lasted days.
The hope it promised was an illusion.
But the debt remained.
The anxiety remained.
The broken trust remained.
The consequences remained.
The biggest lie gambling told me was:
“One more bet will fix everything.”
The truth is:
Every bet only made everything worse.
Today I understand that recovery is not about winning my money back. It is about winning my life back.
I may still have debt.
I may still have consequences.
But today I also have something gambling never gave me:
Hope based on truth.
Honest relationships.
Peace that doesn’t depend on winning.
Faith in God.
A future that I am building one day at a time.
My commitment today:
I choose peace over excitement.
I choose freedom over fantasy.
I choose slow progress over quick destruction.
I will never again risk the life I am rebuilding for the temporary thrill of one more bet.
Gambling never solved a single problem in my life. Recovery is slowly solving all of them.
I’m sharing this not because I’m proud of what happened, but because I don’t want to forget the lessons this relapse has taught me. Today, I choose to be honest with myself first.
Day 0. After 2 months of relapse since being sober for 5 months.
Hindi ko na hahabulin ang cashback, promos, rewards, o kahit anong “sayang” na pera. Hindi ko na rin hahabulin yung mga perang nahawakan ko at pinambili ng mga bagay. Binayaran ko rin ang mga utang na paulit-ulit ko lang ding kinukuha kapag nababaliw ako sa kakahanap ng pang-cash in sa sugal.
Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko maalala kung paano ako napunta ulit sa website na yun at kung bakit ako nag place ng first bet. Ang malinaw lang sa akin, nabigyan ako ng pagkakataong mabuksan ito. Sa isang iglap, nakalimutan ko lahat ng natutunan ko at lahat ng guidance na ibinigay sa akin ng GA Philippines. Hinayaan kong magpatuloy ang relapse na ito nang halos dalawang buwan, at dahan-dahan akong bumalik sa cycle na sobrang hirap kong tinakasan.
Sa bawat panalo, at sa bawat nababawi kong talo, lalo akong naging impulsive. Bumili ako ng mga bagay na alam kong hindi ko naman bibilhin dahil lubog sa utang dahil din sa sugal. Ngayong ubos na ang lahat ng panalo, naiwan sa akin ang responsibilidad na bayaran ang lahat ng ginastos ko. Dadagdag ito sa mga utang na kailangan kong harapin, at wala na akong ibang magagawa kundi akuin ang mga naging desisyon ko.
Kailangan kong tulungan ang sarili kong makabangon ulit. Kailangan kong tanggapin na ang relapse na ito ay bahagi ng recovery, pero hindi ito dapat maging dahilan para sumuko. Gagawin ko itong aral at paalala na wala nang babalikan sa pagsusugal.
Para sa isang katulad kong compulsive gambler, walang panalong sasapat. Hindi ito natatapos sa panalo. Hanggat may pagkakataong tumaya, hindi titigil ang isip hanggang sa maubos ang lahat.
Disappointed ako sa sarili ko. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko makontrol ang isip ko. I need help. Pero alam kong kailangan kong tulungan muna ang sarili ko sa pamamagitan ng pagpili na huwag nang tumaya ulit.
Hindi ko na mababawi ang mga nawala. Pero kaya ko pang iligtas ang mga susunod na araw ng buhay ko. Recovery starts again today.
I can’t change what happened. I accept it, I will learn from it, and I will keep moving forward.
Today, I choose recovery.. No more chasing. No more hiding. Just recovery. One day at a time.