u/Old-Fruit-8970

I have been suffering from severe religious anxiety for several months now. For several months in a row I have been terribly worried about the fate of myself and my parents, my relatives. When I walk in the park and see a father yelling at his daughter for not obeying, I panic and imagine how God is punishing him for this.

When my parents take me out with their group, I get really worried that my parents will drink too much or that I will overeat. This fear makes it harder for me to talk to people and try speak to a girl, because everyone notices that I am gloomy all the time, not knowing what is going on in my head.

I used to think that the most important thing was to be human and help each other, to love family, but now I understand that it doesn't matter at all (please don't tell me that it's important, but not for salvation, this is not the answer). I started to see terrible, extremely intrusive videos on TikTok about salvation, about how salvation can be lost and that very, very few people will be saved. I recently lost a close person, I still pray for him, that everything will be fine with him, because I worry about his fate every day, he didn't go to church, because of his health and wasn't particularly religious, but he believed in God.

I am extremely tormented by the thought that all the good things my parents did for me: help, love, support, have no meaning and that no one is good to God, this is a terrible thought and for me now it is hard labor, please do not justify this. I just want everything to be fine with my parents, they deserve this like no one else.

What can I do? How do I break free from this constant cycle of suffering?

I beg you not to justify this, but it is very hard when you are told that from childhood you and your loved ones are guilty and deserve eternal punishment and no matter what you do, God doesn't give a shit! Please help and give some advice.

Hi! I wanted to share with you a problem that has been bothering me for more than a month and it linked to Christianity and OCD and how it ruining my life, I will be glad if you listen and give me advice, thank you (I'm not so good in English, so I apologize for any spelling mistakes).

So, now I am 18 years old, I study at the university, from September I will move to the second year. I have always believed in God, I live in country where Orthodox Christianity prevails and where the majority of the population is believers, but despite this I have never been a purely religious person. I do not observe fasting, I go to church, but mostly to just light a candle for the health of loved ones and not every Sunday (maybe 2-3 times a month). Me and my parents are Christians ourselves, but perhaps not religious enough, who live for each other, helping each other and our friends, but still have faith.

Last year I entered my university and like any normal student I was supposed to live in a dormitory, but circumstances turned out so that my parents and I were forced to look for an apartment for me in the city where I study, where I lived for 9 months. It's pretty cool, but there's one but - I've always been lonely. My whole life I've never had a real friend and I was actually bullied in grades 9-11. I tried to find a friend and even a girlfriend, but any attempt I made ended either in loneliness again or even ridicule, so as you can see I've never been lucky with friends and relationships and that's bad. After such an attitude, I developed social phobia, I became afraid to talk to people, and sometimes I even hated them because of my past negative experience.

So, my studies at university were extremely boring, as before I had no friends or a girlfriend, because I was extremely unlucky with my classmates and all the time I just went to boring classes, worked out for hours in the gym and went home to the darkness and loneliness, but the worst was ahead.

In January of this year, my TikTok recommendations started showing all sorts of edits about Jesus, which I calmly liked without question, but over time, the TikTok algorithm started throwing in more and more of the same: Jesus, Christianity, sin, salvation, heaven, hell, etc. As I said before - I'm a Christian, but in my life, thinking about salvation 24/7 was not the number one idea, I built my focus on something else, so I just skipped them if it was something boring.

But over time, the videos became even more intrusive and disturbing: who will be saved? who won't be saved? You thought it wasn't a sin, but it's not true! Good deeds won't save you, you and your family are in danger! Atheists have no chance of salvation! Most people won't be saved, etc. If I didn't care about such things before, because such videos are specifically designed to make people worry, then after such constant content, the so-called religious OCD appeared in my life.

For the next two months, I spent my time Googling what constituted a sin and what didn’t. Was saying "fuck" or "shit" a grave sin? If I was humiliated and wished ill upon those who did it, was I at fault? Was it a sin if I didn’t fast or didn’t go to church every single Sunday? It became unbearable. I developed an intense fear of doing something wrong—an overwhelming dread, especially regarding my parents. I even started telling my father about the need to repent for everything; he realized something was wrong with me—not because he was "godless," but because he didn’t want me to lose my mind.

But the peak of it all happened in March. I kept scrolling through TikTok, looking for "where else did I do wrong", until I came across a video that literally starts with the words "Millions of people are burning in hell right now because they..", it caused me incredible shock and anxiety, if before I could live with it, now it really started to interfere with my normal life, I began to panic and fear for my parents and whether they would be saved, because they are the kindest people I know, would God really forget about all the good things they did? Then I came across a video by Josh Wright (Guided), who openly posted shocking Christian content and a YouTube video "Hell Animation", which literally made my heart ache, I was and still am very scared.

After all that, about 2 months passed and it seemed like I calmed down a bit, I was still thinking about salvation, heaven, hell and the fate of my loved ones almost 24/7, but at least I stopped watching religious TikTok... for a while.

Some time later, a similar video popped up on my TikTok feed, even though I had started blocking most of the channels and tags associated with such content. The video featured a comic titled "Great White Throne" (I barely recall the exact name) that depicted God’s judgment of a person. The comic was truly shocking; the trigger hit me again, and the emotional distress and fear returned with unprecedented intensity. Shortly after, I stumbled upon another video by Josh Wright that completely overwhelmed me; it argued that one must be 100% committed to Christianity—or else face doom (I recommend watching the video to better understand my panic, as I am simplifying things here).

And now, it's June, my panic hasn't gone away and has even gotten worse, I still don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and I'm still incredibly afraid for the fate of myself and my family and that if we ever say "fuck", "shit" he will punish us. Every person is imperfect, there is a difference between special sowing of evil and an ordinary mistake, but as I understood, God doesn't care about this and he only needs slaves. I hate religious tiktokers with all my heart after the trauma that I experienced and still experience, but I have no right, being angry is a sin)🥲

With my past experiences in friendships and relationships, my psyche has suffered greatly, now it is on the verge, because I am told that I am no better than the people who wronged me. My parents are the most precious thing I have, will God really punish us for not doing everything perfectly and being 100% religious people, because as I understood such things as: love, help, compassion, God is absolutely indifferent to this.

When I see a family walking in the park, I panic and imagine how God is punishing them. I can't even watch movies calmly, when a character dies I'm constantly thinking whether God will have mercy on him, etc. It's very difficult and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm very glad if someone read this to the end.

Please help me, how can I get out of this endless circle of suffering?