u/Old-Kaleidoscope123

This is going to sound ridiculous and vain, but aside from the adverse effects on health, wallet and relationships, my other biggest motivation to quit is to get my beauty back. I used to be extremely attractive. Like people would ask if I was a model. Comparing pictures and just looking in the mirror, I have become so fucking ugly. My face sags, I’m swollen and puffy head to toe from inflammation. My eyeballs are asymmetrical, under eyes have hallowed out and are puffy at the same time. My skin is showing lots of oxidative stress and aging (probably from chronic dehydration.) I’m so scared that this is going to be permanent and I’ve ruined my face. Please if anyone has any insight in this let me know what you’ve noticed as far as loooking healthier after quitting (I’m taking 1/3 what I used to take and have noticed a very slight improvement.) Trying my hardest to taper off completely but kind of getting stuck.

I have a note in my phone where I add the money I would’ve spent on kratom. I was taking 2-3 feel frees along with multiple mitra 9 powder packets and am trying my best right now to taper (im taking 1/3 of what I used to). I quit the feel frees 15 days ago and my money saved so far is $795. A couple hundred is from a few months ago when I tried quiting. So about $500 in 15 days saved from no feel frees. So there’s a win

And just hitting my 2 year anniversary being a slave to feel free and mitra9 packets. I was genuinely enamored by this drug. It’s like being in love with an inanimate object or in love with who I am when I take the substance but it only lasts an hour max with feel free and the Mitra packets a couple hours. I didn’t get the urge to try to quit until around September 2025 when my face started to sink in and I didn’t recognize myself. I’ve never told anyone about this addiction. Not my best friends, not my family, or even my boyfriend who I’ve lived with the whole time. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I fell for this gas station poison after being sober from cocaine and alcohol for four years. The first time I took a feel free it was at another sober friends house that I was house sitting. He had them in the fridge and all I read on it was kava so I took one thinking it was just Kava. I’m 120 pounds and I would take up to four feel frees or two feel frees and three mitra9 packets. I own a company and it was the only thing that helped me through a burnout phase where I didn’t wanna talk to my employees, be a leader, book new clients, etc. While yes, I am worried about that aspect once I quit, it’s gotten to a point where the high lasts like 20 minutes with the feel frees and if I don’t do anything in that 20 minutes, the motivation is worse than if I had never even taken them. What really opened my eyes one day was I told myself wow you just paid $10 for 20 minutes of happiness and now you’re gonna be pissed off the rest of the day. In the last couple years, I would say there’s a handful of days where I took zero Kratom and it was when I had no choice, ran out on vacation. I got really sick the night of not taking anything and thought I had a flu and didn’t even realize that those were withdrawal symptoms, so now I know exactly what to expect. I have four gabapentin left over from a back injury that I’m saving for the nights that I jump off the edge but today I am starting by spacing out 2 1/2 mitra 9 packets. Advice for someone who wants to start tapering from feel frees, I would say the Mitra 9 packets don’t give you as bad of mood swings and they feel like more of a extended release because they last longer than feel frees ,so easier to space them out throughout the day. I will also be taking the Quit K supplement. It’s expensive, but not nearly as expensive of a habit as Kratom itself. I’ve also personally noticed that taking fish oil, NAD+, collagen, creatine and glutathione take away some of the fatigue and lifelessness, but that’s just my experience. One last thing my ex alcoholic friend recommended me saffron to help with depression and swears by it. If you’re thinking about quitting and don’t wanna spend money on the things you think will get you out of it. Please remember that you will be spending 100 times that if you don’t quit, that’s how I’m trying to frame it ..anyways I’m just posting here to have a community and be held accountable. Any encouragement appreciated. We are all worth being sober and we can all do it. ❤️‍🩹