So I (15f) just came back from a party and in there I meet this girl. We danced for a while and then stepped outside for a bit. She asked if we could kiss and I agreed so we kissed and now that I finally got back to my dorm I'm having a existential crisis in the bathroom thinking is it platonic or romantic. For extra context she is from Egypt and my age so what do you guys think?
I have an amazing friend group of 5 people (including me) and they are all really nice when I started at a new school they adopted me in to the friend group and helped me fit in but lately I feel like I'm becoming more and more quiet when I'm around them. When I try to speak I just get talked over and when I give advice or try to talk about something I just get ignored or one of them says something else and the whole point of what I said gets forgotten. And it feels suffocating I didn't even realize how bad it truly was until my family asked me if I was ok because I was barely speaking. They are amazing people and they have this explosive energy they're the type of people that sometimes make fun of others but they never mean it. The are quick to get angry and quick to forgive and forget and sometimes when they jokingly start insulting me I feel extremely annoyed and hurt but if I point out that what they're doing is hurtful I get told to stop overreacting and that they were only joking. It's exhausting to constantly deal with their explosive energy I feel bad when I go out in public with them because they are really loud and I'm not sure how to deal with them. But I also feel that I can't leave them because they became such a big part of my personality. I know it sounds unhealthy but I've became the therapist friend, the one who listens because I've gotten so used to being talked over that I just stopped speaking so much and started listening but I don't like it. I also want to be heard but now it feels impossible to talk about my feelings and interests and I don't know what to do.
If anyone has some advice please tell me.