For context, I found out about my husband's infidelity when the AP messaged me on 2 of my social media accounts. When she messaged me, she and my husband had already ended the affair. Still, I wanted to hear from others who have been contacted by the AP and how that made you guys feel and if you responded to them.
So, it's only been 12 days since I found out.
My husband and I were on our way to have dinner with his parents and my parents when I received a message request on Instagram (since my social media accounts are all private). She told me about how she and my husband were in a relationship for 8 months and that she had immediately broke it off when she found out he was married. But, it turns out, that she actually didn't (based on their text messages), and still wanted to continue the relationship.
I told him as we walked to the restaurant that I read her message and she sent me photos. I told him we needed to talk when we get home. We had to pretend everything was fine during that dinner. It was torture.
Anyway, when we got home, my husband told and showed me everything. He was completely transparent and remorseful. Since the day I found out, he missed work so we could just talk and he's been very attentive and always checks up on me. He was even let go from a project he was working on because of him missing work to stay with me. He lets me feel what I feel, listens to whatever I want to say without defending himself, and agrees that we need counseling. He has accountability and accepts that all of it was his fault. He has been doing all the right things so far.
But...I still feel so broken. I have mood swings and I feel so guilty to our 6-year-old daughter. I get irritated with her quickly. My husband, who used to be the one who was super strict with her and gets angry quickly, is now the more patient one with her.
I think the worst part is that his ex-affair partner keeps posting on social media and attacking me. Though she doesn't specifically mention our names. In her posts, I am the villain. When we were still exchanging messages (before I blocked her), she even told me to 'stop playing the victim'. She was demanding my husband to pay for 'emotional distress' and apparently that was the reason she sent me a message because he didn't. In their messages, my husband told him he would but he wanted it to be done legally through a lawyer. But she didn't want to. I am not defending my husband, but, according to him, he had wanted to end it immediately, but this woman waited for him outside the train station near his office when he tried. Whenever he suggested that they end their relationship, she would say things like she would kill herself and even screamed in public while pulling and pushing him. He had made up several lies to get her to accept the end of their relationship. It was only when she 'googled' him and found out that he was actually married that he finally had a real exit. But even still, she said she wanted to continue. My husband was the one who was adamant that he wouldn't divorce me or leave me. Then, a few days after my husband kept repeating himself to her that he wouldn't leave me, that's when she suddenly just demanded payment. That's why he wanted it to be done legally so he can also add provisions to stop her from doing other things.
In her posts, she says things like I am unloved, undesired, that she has nothing to be insecure about when it comes to me, that what they had was real, that he is trapped in our marriage, and so much more.
My husband and I want to focus on fixing our relationship, but it's difficult with her constantly ranting about me and our marriage on social media. Also, the reason that I keep monitoring her posts is because I need to, in case she starts mentioning our names or posting photos of us. Because as the police said, that's when we can file a criminal case against her. We've already filed one report because she started stalking and messaging my husband's family as well but the police said there's nothing they can do yet.
Honestly, I don't know what to do. Sorry for rambling. Any advice is welcome. Or even...anyone who just wants to talk or listen.