u/Old_Standard_540

I'm honestly struggling really badly with Islam right now and I need someone to actually explain something to me.

I've spent years looking into Islam, Christianity, atheism, arguments for God, arguments against God, the Qur'an, contradictions, Muhammad, everything. And I'm still basically 50/50. I genuinely want Allah to exist. I'm not trying to disprove Islam.

A few months ago I got to a point where I thought: okay, if Allah exists, He knows exactly how badly I want to know He's there. So I made a very specific dua.

I asked Allah for an old friend I haven't spoken to in around 20 years to contact me somehow. I don't care why. He could randomly think of me, find my account, have a dream about me, literally anything. I just wanted the contact itself.

The reason I picked this is because if it happened after I specifically asked for it, I honestly believe it would be enough for me to finally say, "Okay, I know I'm not alone."

I prayed. I made dua over and over. I prayed Tahajjud. I even did Salat al-Hajah. I waited. Months. Nothing.

And this is where I'm genuinely stuck.

The Qur'an says:

«"Call upon Me; I will respond to you." (40:60)»

And when Ibrahim asked Allah to show him how He gives life to the dead because he wanted his heart reassured, Allah actually showed him.

So when people tell me, "Maybe Allah will answer your dua in another way," I honestly don't understand it. I wasn't asking for a random worldly thing. I was asking for reassurance that Allah exists because I genuinely want to believe.

And yes, I know there are explanations about dua being answered differently, but I need someone to actually explain how that applies here.

If Allah exists and He knows:

\- I've spent years searching

\- I genuinely want Him to exist

\- I'm scared that I'm wrong

\- I've specifically asked for reassurance

\- I've prayed Tahajjud and kept asking

\- and I genuinely believe this particular event would bring me peace

why wouldn't He answer this specific dua?

I'm not asking for "Allah knows best" and that's it. I know He knows best. I'm asking what is the actual reason this would happen if Islam is true?

Because honestly I'm reaching a point where I'm thinking maybe I'm just talking to nobody.

I really don't want that to be true.

So if you believe Islam is true, please explain this to me like I'm genuinely asking in good faith. What am I missing?

(it's a long read please bear with me and read it all the way i really need help,thnx)

Salaam everyone,

I'm in a really difficult place right now and I want to be completely honest with you all.

I've been searching for truth intensely. I've read about Islam, studied the Quran, looked at the evidence. The problem? For every topic, there are two sides, and both are extremely persuasive.

For every proof of God's existence, there's a convincing atheist counter-argument. For every miracle in the Quran, there's an alternative explanation. For every argument, there's a rebuttal.

The result? My faith is exactly 50% right now.

Half of me desperately wants to believe in Allah with all my heart. The other half says maybe there's nothing there.

I genuinely WANT Allah to exist. I want to know He's with me, that He hears me, that I'm not alone in this universe.

I decided to ask Allah for something specific, something that cannot happen by coincidence or my own effort.

I asked for a message from a close friend I haven't spoken to in 10 years. There's no logical reason for them to contact me now, so if it happens, I'll know 100% it's from Allah.

What did I do to get this sign?

Made sincere dua every single day Prayed istikhara Did istighfar 1000 times daily Prayed tahajjud Read Quran Cried in my sujood Did everything humanly possible

The result? Absolutely nothing.

Allah says in the Quran: "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." (40:60)

The Prophet ﷺ said that dua has three possible outcomes:

1. Allah gives you what you asked for in this life This hasn't happened

2. Allah delays it for a good reason This terrifies me because how long do I wait? Money and health can wait, but my faith can't wait. Every day without an answer makes me doubt more.

3. Allah saves it as reward for you in the afterlife This makes no sense in my situation because if I don't get this sign now, my faith will take a massive hit. And if I don't believe strongly, what's the point of akhira rewards for something I might not even believe exists?

Prophet Ibrahim asked Allah to show him how He gives life to the dead. Allah asked him: "Do you not believe?" Ibrahim said: "Yes, but I ask only that my heart may be satisfied." (2:260)

And Allah answered him and showed him.

Ibrahim was a prophet and asked for a sign for peace of heart, and Allah gave it to him.

I'm not a prophet. I'm just a weak human who wants to believe.

If Ibrahim needed reassurance for his heart, isn't it natural that I need it too?

If I decide to believe regardless without getting this answer:

1. It will be false faith because deep down I'm not actually sure. I'd be pretending.

2. I'll be a hypocrite. Allah knows what's in my heart. He knows I doubt. I can't deceive Him.

And if I'm praying and making dua while doubting 50%, is that even accepted? Or am I wasting my time?

Why won't Allah give me this simple thing that would resolve all my doubts?

I'm not asking for a huge miracle. I'm not asking to see Allah. I'm not asking for the sky to split open.

I'm just asking for one message from one person.

Something incredibly easy for Allah, but would completely change my life.

So why isn't it happening?

Is it because: There is no God? (This is what my mind is honestly saying) Allah exists but doesn't care about my doubts? I'm not important enough? There's wisdom I don't understand?

The answer is simple: Allah doesn't exist.

That's why no one is answering your duas.

That's why you feel alone.

That's why all the evidence is perfectly balanced 50/50.

But I don't WANT to believe this.

I want to believe. I want Allah to exist. I want to know I'm not alone in this universe.

But without an answer, how do I continue?

Please don't just tell me pray more or make more dua. I'm already doing that.

Please don't tell me you're too insignificant to ask for signs. Ibrahim asked and was answered.

What I need: A logical explanation for why Allah wouldn't answer this simple dua that would solve my faith crisis Real ijtihad in understanding my situation Honesty, even if the answer is difficult

I feel alone. I feel unheard. And I want this more than anything in my life.

Can anyone help me understand?

JazakAllahu khayran.