Too little too late? [31/m] I’m [35/f]
Long story short I met J 1.5 years ago on a hook up site. We were FWB for a little while, of which I never saw going anywhere coz of the age gap.
Anyway things developed on their own and we both caught feelings. However J had just moved to my country and had 0 intention of a relationship anytime soon. While there were feelings between us, his avoidant side was clearly coming out. Despite the nice times, he was inconsistent and up and down and it made me anxious. I confronted him one day about it and He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and he would only be getting in to one not to lose me and wasn’t ready to settle down, so we called it.
We ended up staying distant friends until about almost a year later things kicked up again. I got frustrated because it felt like we were ending up in situationship territory again and I didn’t want to go there. He said he loved me and didn’t want to be with anybody else and wanted to work on his issues with intimacy as losing me scared him far more than confronting his issues.
From that moment on he has been the exact bf I always wanted. He has been consistent, taken me out on dates, is clear with where I stand, supports me, has my back and clearly is very serious about me. Except now that I’ve spent proper time in this dynamic, I just don’t know whether I’m spotting incompatibilities or if I just can’t let go of my resentment that it took him so long to come around to this.
The things that really bother me outside of the resentment are issues like his complacency. He has needed to go to the dr for months about a serious issue and just hasn’t. He enrolled in therapy and went once and never again. He says he wants to restart the gym, goes once and never does again.
He is also fairly averse to touch and only now holds my hand coz I said it upset me that he didn’t. He goes weeks without kissing me and almost stiffens up when I kiss him. We don’t even sleep in the same room when he sleeps over coz his snoring is so bad that he sleeps on the couch. He also has stayed at my house every night for the past few weeks and anytime I ask him to go home for a bit, he does a big guilt trip and I feel guilty and don’t bring it up again.
When I bring these things he always courts corrects, but it just builds my resentment even more that he seems to only do things as a response to what I confront him about.
I hate myself for being resentful of the whole situation as this time last year I would have been thrilled for this outcome. I’m also aware of my age and know how bad the dating scene is, so a part of me is wondering whether it’s just a ‘grass is greener’ mindset, or this just isn’t it. I really don’t know.
TL:DR; situationship turned bf and now it feels like it’s too little, too late?