I’ve heard it a lot on reels, there are strings/orchestra playing 16th notes in a descending order, and a male singer whose voice reminds me of Morrissey’s is singing something that could be “never enough” or “never anymore” (or maybe something else? Not sure). I often hear this bit of the song on like book/novel/movie edit reels, very dramatic. Thanks for any help!
Dear ——
**No flair fits this mess. Nobody on the outside will likely understand this, so who cares, here goes:**
17 years is a long time. Long enough to learn so much about another person. I know your humour, your favourite foods, your work, your hobbies, your preferred brand of rum. I know your specific political opinions, your special interests, your favourite tv shows. I know your self described fear of commitment and abandonment. I know your ironies, your tics, every rhetorical sleight of hand you try to pull over on me, even in the silly moments. It was simultaneously my greatest joy and most painful curse in you. I know your allergy to directness and your tendency to slide into the meta at first sign of any issue or boundary.
I know you think and feel more deeply than I could reliably measure. I know from the very first moment we ever talked, that conversation with you felt like putting on an old, well worn comfort record, to which I knew every word, every beat, every solo. And I delighted in it. It was just like coming home, for me.
I know you intimately in myriad ways - and yet…
You never told me your surname directly.
You lied about your first name for two years.
And I hate to say it, but it’s just true: You probably wouldn’t even know if I died, because you kept this in such a tightly sealed compartment.
17 years, and I never did anything to you, to warrant these immovable walls.
So is it any shock that I wonder. Whether you really cared, whether you ever really saw me, whether I was ever truly real to you, and why you kept coming back.
For 17 years.
You did that - nobody asked you to. All I really ever wanted was to know you, and be known by you. Not in a box. Not behind a wall. Not in whatever this way was. Just…normal.
I certainly also wonder about my own sanity. I’m sure anyone else reading this will, too. They can go ahead. Such is life.
——
Fairly upbeat, straight 4/4 and around 110-ish BPM. It had the main melody and then a call-and response between a horn (or alto sax) and a soprano sax. I’ve attached a vocaroo of me “singing” what I remember of it.
So this song can’t have been made later than 1998. I first heard it in art class in 1998 when my teacher put on some easy listening jazz CD, and then I heard it again, at least once a shift, working at Joann Fabrics in 2008 - at the time they had some kind of Muzak or similar that was only instrumental easy listening jazz.
This has been driving me nuts for decades. Hope someone here knows it! Thanks in advance.
I didn’t ask for much, for 17 years.
I just wanted you to take me seriously.
I just wanted you to tell me the truth.
I just wanted you not to manipulate me.
I just wanted you to not make everything a transaction.
I just wanted you to give back the bare minimum of what I was pouring in.
I just wanted you to see me as a whole person, and not an object or function to serve you.