I (25f) am considering cutting contact with my friend (23m) for dating a girl(17f) and need advice
Okay so this my first time posting and English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammatical or formatting errors
So a few things to clarify before we start I am (25F) and have a little boy who is 5 months old. I’m a single parent and the sperm donor is out of the picture. I meet my friend (23M) on an online platform where you can meet new people (Yubo for those who are interested) because I was lonely and wanted new friends / social interaction besides the baby ( the baby was fine I mainly used it while he was sleeping ). We got to talking and got along great and noticed we don’t live far from each other.
Okay now on to the story so me and my friend (23M) have been hanging out a lot and at first it was totally platonic. However his mood started to shift towards something not very platonic. He started texting me a LOT and we started calling each an every night (after I put my son to sleep) and were talking for hours until one of us fell asleep. He also started telling me that he misses me and when we (me and baby boy) would be over again. He also started showing more of an interest in my baby boy and started playing with him or holding him while I went to the toilet for a min. We also went on walks through his village with him actually pushing the stroller. When I went to see him without baby boy (my parents sometime watch him for a few hours so I can get a breather and yes I am very grateful for that) we also started making out, cuddeling and getting a bit handsy not to much tho since I didn’t want to. However we never really put a label on anything because I thought it was kind of obvious at that point. Hope that paints the picture of our relationship.
So here is where the problem starts. So about a month ago he tells me on one of our nightly calls that he reconnected with someone. A bit of backstory is needed for that. When he was 19 he dated a 17 yo girl. She told him she was 18 at the start and only revealed it about 6 months into the relationship that she was in fact not 18. So the girl he reconnected with was someone the ex above was super jealous of and basically hated the poor girl for no reason. So I don’t know the specifics of who wrote whom first but at our nightly call on a Saturday he told me that he reconnected with her and they they would meet up on Sunday and he’d cook for her and everything so he didn’t really have time to call as much since he still had to clean up and everything. I was pretty taken aback but didn’t really say anything because I was just overwhelmed. So on Sunday she came over and he cooked for her and they apparently talked for hours afterwards (as he told me in our call that night ). Me being still kind of overwhelmed just asked a few things about her like where she’s from , how old she is and what her occupation is like normal stuff. He then revealed to me that he didn’t know how old she was exactly but since she had tattoos on her hands she had to be over 18. So on Monday they had another date and in the evening when he called me he told me he found out she’s 17. To remind you he is 23! I told him as much. That she is A MINOR and he’s way to old for her. He agreed with me but still told me several times that it’s too bad because he really really liked her. So on Tuesday he wanted to meet up with her and tell her they can’t date because she’s just way to young for him and that she should look for someone more age appropriate. At least that’s what we planned for him to do. So on Tuesday we wanted to hang out so he could tell me how it went in person. That didn’t happen. He just texted me (after I got ready and everything) that he’s still out with her and that he couldn’t make it. I got suspicious but waited for the evening call for him to actually tell me what happened. He called me that evening and to my absolute Schock and Horror he told me that they agreed to date but with the agreement that they wouldn’t do anything more than holding hands/ hugging until she was 18. Let me tell you I was appalled and told him it was wrong again.
So that was Tuesday right ? My friend was scheduled to leave for a month in Thailand that Friday. I agreed to lend him a suitcase and drive him to the airport on Friday because his flight left pretty early and he didn’t have anyone else to take him( that was already a plan WAY before all of that happened ). So over the days leading up to Friday I was supposed to come over once to drop off the suitcase and hang out for a bit. However we had many fights over the 3 days leading up to Friday mainly because I think it’s so wrong of him to date A MINOR and also that he just fucking played with me that much and I told him so. We agreed that we should talk about our friendship and our feelings face to face. However that did not happen. We called a few times most of them ending on a sour note because I kept stating that I am not okay with him dating A MINOR and frankly he should not be either. So we planned that I would stay over with baby boy from Thursday into Friday because we would have to leave very early since the flight was pretty early ( no worries the times of how I would be driving where times where baby boy is still fast asleep and he also loves car rides if he can stay awake in one long enough to actually look outside , which is also the only reason I agreed to take him in the first place). The days leading up to that he was kind of pushing for me to meet his MINOR gf and I told him that I was not interested especially since we didn’t even have a talk face to face yet. Also I was frankly not comfortable staying over at his place with the baby after everything that went down. He also asked me if he could stay over at mine then to which I also replied f\*\*\* no. And since he was hanging out the whole 3 day leading up to his flight with his MINOR gf we didn’t get to meet up and talk face to face.
However since I am a doormat and hold my friends very dearly and would do a lot for them I didn’t have the heart to fuck him over right before his flight with basically taking the suitcase and drop of offer back. Also I was as delusional as to think i would maybe be able to talk sense into him face to face.
So Friday comes and I wake up in the middle of the night to first bring a suitcase over and then wait for him to throw everything in and then take him to the airport. I thought we would get to talk in the 2 hour drive to the airport. So I brought the suitcase upstairs and told him and his mom I’d be downstairs since I had baby boy in the car and though he doesn’t usually wake up once he sleeps I didn’t want to leave him alone ( also I just couldn’t stand to be in the room with him and act like everything is normal). His mom (bless her heart) came downstairs with me offered me a coffee and thanked me profusely for taking him to the airport since she couldn’t herself since she wouldn’t make it back in time for work. My baby boy woke up probably because he heard us talking so I took him out of his car seat and he fell right back asleep in my arms so I was just rocking him a bit more before I’d put him back in his seat. During that time my friend came downstairs and put the suitcase in my car and luckily I could escape the awkward hug thanks to baby boy in my arms. I put baby boy back in his seat and got in mine and when I was backing out he tried to hug me which I declined with the reason of it being in the car.
So during our drive he just started telling me about what they talked about last night and blah blah blah and then promptly fell asleep. Halfway there I wanted to take a break so I could check on baby boy again and stopped at a bakery so he could also get breakfast. We stopped there for maybe 20 min. He got breakfast and once he was back he asked me if i could check his carry on for anything he’s not allowed to take. And let me tell you he had all of his cosmetics in his carry on and all way over the limit for liquids. So since I flew quiet a bit when I was younger I started reorganizing his carry on and suitcase. He wanted to hug me to thank me and „since he didn’t get to do so earlier“ (his words not mine) but I just gave him an awkward side hug because I couldn’t get out of it completely . And then we continued our ride and I started telling him what he has to do once he gets to the airport since this was his first time flying. And 8 min before we arrived to the airport he looked at me and said „ oh shouldn’t we talk about us“. To which I just looked at him scoffed and said that I don’t think that 8 min is going to cut it. I also let him take my jacket with him because he didn’t have one and airplanes as well as airports especially during night can be quiet cold. So I basically kicked him out at a drop of since I did not want to pay for parking as well and he hugged me before going inside.
He checked in with me during his travels a few times and asked for help a couple of times but in the end made it safely to Thailand. And from then on we haven’t had much contact from like 200+ messages a day and hours on the phone we went to a few sentences a day and one short call during his whole trip. That was mainly from him not having time and me not responding to every snap of reel he sent and only responding if it was actually interesting. He also told me once that it’s not going well with her and when I asked why he thinks that he just told me that they are communicating even less than the both of us are which was barely anything to begin with. I didn’t question further.
So he came back on Friday. Since then he’s back to calling and texting me non stop. He told me over the phone that they broke up because she basically ghosted him and he won’t put up with that „childish crap“( his words) and frankly I have no idea what he expected from a minor. We are planning to meet up this week so I can get my suitcase and jacket back and i am unsure on how to act.
Here are some more things he said to me about her that made me very uncomfortable.
He said she was hot.
Had a great chest.
He showed me screenshots where he said he loved her.
He said she has a great body
He said that he could really imagine a future with her.
Also he slept with 3 call girls in Thailand right after they broke up.
He also tried to set me up with his 20 yo friend (whom I’ve met before ) and told me he would be totally down for it… I was not because he’s WAY to young for me.
And I want to remind you they went from basically meeting ( they did know of each other before but not even enough to know the others age) to dating in 3 whole days and then were in a relationship for 3 days before they were long distance for a month (or not even since they broke up before he got back )
So before I meet him this week I’d like to know if I would be overreacting by cutting contact with him afterwards ?
TL;DR: would I (25f) be overreacting by cutting contact with my friend (23m) for briefly dating a girl (17f)?