u/OpaisulYah

Chat I lost her… finally coming to an understanding that love is not meant for me…

I’m in a situationship with a Pakistani girl and god bless her she is one of a kind… we knew it won’t last long but the chemistry we have is just so insane and I love that woman soo much… I had to push her away after being in a long distance relationship because I know the end is uncertain and I already confessed to my mom and dad and they said no way… my mom had panic attacks literally… She still loves me so much and she says that she had only felt loved twice in her life… once by me and once by her aunt… she had many relationships in the past but she said they were just timepass (I’m not sure but if I was serious all the way I would’ve looked into it beforehand)… So then within a month…I noticed weird patterns like she started liking red flag posts like waking up to 15 plus good morning messages… and I used to wish her good morning everyday btw… she use d to update me and still does… but you know she does things which I find repulsive even after chastising her about things like commenting on random posts of people with flirty messages .. then recently I guess she started ghosting me for days and even weeks before checking on me again. .. and when confronting her she says she doesn’t feel like using her phone… and plus she was online (as she viewed my story on insta) and still chose not to reply which I found eccentric… she has two accounts two - a spam account and a normal one… she also said to please keep in touch when I lost it a couple days back..her family hates her and she told me she likes to isolate herself from the world… she says she doesn’t want to move on and live in the memories but her actions in the past show otherwise… One turning point in our relationship was when she posted on insta captioned loml with a pic of her bestie and her taking turns and wrapping b their arms around random guys and also one pic where she looks into the eyes of her colleague which I found absolutely disgusting as to how casually she maintained eye contact with him… I confronted her and she said Wtfff… they were there during her hard times and she was dating none of them… but the following day the guy commented god bless us with a heart emoji… I was infuriated and wanted to break up…but she was wailing and crying… saying that she didn’t expect me to believe that she is that kinda girl and us meant the whole group and not them… which made my doubt myself and lowkey thought that was gaslighting… god help me i guess i am too emotionally fragile and i might have ruined this girl’s perception of love for good… I feel that since her dad wasn’t around since she was small and apparently cheated on her mom … her perception of men is that all men lie and only want sex…

We had a live in relationship in china for 1 month prior to which we used to meet every weekend as she used to be preoccupied with Chinese classes… I used to visit her even if it was 20-30 mins.. in a week at least once or twice, sometimes even 3 times .. it was beautiful I spent quite a lot on that girl… taking her on dates and even paid for the rent and every meal… except a couple of times where she paid… which I don’t regret… it was truly a beauty time keeping all the external factors of marriage and just living in the moment… I just couldn’t let it go when it was time for us to depart to our respective countries.. She asked me what we should do with our relationship… moreover even handed me a book in which she wrote about me and our whole journey and how she was obsessed with me and I’m the cutest person ever… really meaningful book… I loved it and I don’t think I’ll ever find another person like her… I’m teary eyed just writing this post as she left an indelible mark on my mind…truly a gem when she was with me…

Although, I still think that she might be a red flag and the prolly had more flings in the past.. as she only likes to be around boys as she finds them less dramatic… I was shocked to find her following list was full of guys when i checked her instagram when she was asleep… But she did tell her mom about me and friend about me… so i don’t know what’s the deal tbh… she said she would fight with me till the end and I guess it was my fault tbh because i confided to my parents even showed them the book she gave me buttt all they said was it’s not possible which was blatantly obvious and my mother used to have panic attacks following that… telling me to choose between her and my Pakistani situationship (Batool )…the only possible way for us to settle down in my head is in the uae.. btw is it weird that she wanted to marry me 1 month into the relationship …I kept thinking about it… and prolly the second time i met her she confessed she was a virgin, but held my hand… which led me to wonder if she did this with every guy she was into … her friend in China told me that she used to kiss around 20 guys at least in the club…which i didn’t mind then but now I do… coz what do you mean you can just go around kissing strangers when you’re high… but I do get it she was born in a society where women wear burkas and men have a superiority complex… Soo I don’t know what to do atm… I can’t hurt my parents and I want her to move on but I also love her…