u/Opalmistys

Hi everyone! Before posting, I want to apologise if i don’t use reddit correctly because this is my first time posting.

Anyways, I’m a 14 yo girl who needs advice on what to do. I’ll start by explaining quickly the story of the divorce of my parents.

My mother and father have been together for a long time. They had three girls: My older sister, (2 years older) and my younger sister (6 years younger than me). My mom was a sahm and my dad was working. To be honest, I don’t remember much of my childhood, but i do remember there was a lot of yelling. At some point, i think i was hit once??? When i brought it up a few years ago to my parents and they acted as if i’m crazy, so don’t take this too seriously. Anyways, my parents always resented each other. During car trips, they would argue madly, and at the end they would kiss and it was always like a moment of relief to me and my older sister.

My moms parents live with us, and it’s very normal in our house for my mom to be talking shit about my to grandma, and then my mom talking shit to me about her mom, and basically like this cycle of hatred. In fights, I usually take my sisters sides, and i always defend my younger sister.
(For context, our family is slavic living in North America, so it’s not like the american stereotypical family).

A few years ago, my dad went on a work trip, fell inlove with a younger woman, texted my mom that he dosent want to be with her anymore. You know how it goes. My mom was crying very hard: i was the one at her side, consoling her. She would talk badly about my dad to me. I thought it was normal, so i was confused when my friends told me it wasn’t okay for me, a 10 year old child to be listening to my mom venting constantly.

The divorce process was very hard and long and stressful. My sisters and I chose to be with my mom, because it was either her or my dad full time, no two weeks there to weeks here.

When I was 12, life with my mom got awful. My house felt toxic: anything I would do resulted in my mom and I getting into a fight. She loved using the saying “move out of here and go live with your dad” to both me and my older sister. At the time I was friends with a girl who had the perfect parents who loved each other, so she told me “Just go live with your dad what’s the big deal?”

So I promised myself, that if she starts yelling at me for no reason I’ll tell her that i will live with my dad. And that day i came home from school. I remember she was sitting with my grandma at the dining table. She started yelling at me. I just came home from school. I didn’t even have time to do anything. So i told her that fine i’ll go live with my dad. She said some pretty hurtful things like she dosent care if i go live with my dad, she only cares that they might make my little sister do 2 weeks here and two weeks there. She also told me that if I choose my dad i’m not her daughter anymore. I stayed with her.

Life has gotten better with her, we don’t fight as much as we used to, and all in all it’s okay. It’s important to note that my mom has a lot of debt to pay after the divorce situation, so I feel extremely guilty for any purchases i make. I do have a house and almost everyone has a room for them, so i am grateful for it and the food that my mom earns. She did say she’ll get me a therapist, but she never did.

My dad also isn’t this sweet awesome guy who is the victim: he is rude and also yells at me. I’m not sure how to explain it, but he dosent feel like family to me. He also almost never apologises, and he is lowkey racist and homophobic. (I’m gay, he dosent know that). I know i talk about my mom mostly in this post, but that’s because i live with her.

Back when he lived in my country, i would stay every few months one weekend at his place. Everytime i would come home, my mom would get mad at me, but because she can’t outright say it’s because i stayed with my dad, she would fine some dumb excuse or be passive aggressive.

Anyway, going back to the money problem, I am jealous of my friends who go on yearly vacations, because i haven’t been on a true vacation since 2018.

This is where i need advice. My 50 year old dad moved to the US with his wife in her 20s. He invited me to go visit him, and honestly, i really want to go. I talked to my mom about it yesterday, and she was basically something like “ugh do whatever you want as long as i don’t have to do anything”. The problem is, she does need to drive me to the airport at like 5 am, because the mother must be present when i get handed off to the aviation company ( i will solo travel as a minor.) She refuses to do that.

I told my dad i will talk to her. He said if she dosent agree to drive me, he will talk to her. That is what i’m scared about: I know for sure that they will start fighting again, my mom will get mad at me, start the whole thing of me living with my dad and then she’ll hate me. I don’t want any of this. I just want to go to the beach.

Important to note! I haven’t been physically abused by any members of my family!

I’m not sure on what to do, or what to say or i don’t even know at this point. Didn’t feel like talking to my friends or AI about this. Sorry.

Hi everyone! Before posting, I want to apologise if i don’t use reddit correctly because this is my first time posting.

Anyways, I’m a 14 yo girl who needs advice on what to do. I’ll start by explaining quickly the story of the divorce of my parents.

My mother and father have been together for a long time. They had three girls: My older sister, (2 years older) and my younger sister (6 years younger than me). My mom was a sahm and my dad was working. To be honest, I don’t remember much of my childhood, but i do remember there was a lot of yelling. At some point, i think i was hit once??? When i brought it up a few years ago to my parents and they acted as if i’m crazy, so don’t take this too seriously. Anyways, my parents always resented each other. During car trips, they would argue madly, and at the end they would kiss and it was always like a moment of relief to me and my older sister.

My moms parents live with us, and it’s very normal in our house for my mom to be talking shit about my to grandma, and then my mom talking shit to me about her mom, and basically like this cycle of hatred. In fights, I usually take my sisters sides, and i always defend my younger sister.
(For context, our family is slavic living in North America, so it’s not like the american stereotypical family).

A few years ago, my dad went on a work trip, fell inlove with a younger woman, texted my mom that he dosent want to be with her anymore. You know how it goes. My mom was crying very hard: i was the one at her side, consoling her. She would talk badly about my dad to me. I thought it was normal, so i was confused when my friends told me it wasn’t okay for me, a 10 year old child to be listening to my mom venting constantly.

The divorce process was very hard and long and stressful. My sisters and I chose to be with my mom, because it was either her or my dad full time, no two weeks there to weeks here.

When I was 12, life with my mom got awful. My house felt toxic: anything I would do resulted in my mom and I getting into a fight. She loved using the saying “move out of here and go live with your dad” to both me and my older sister. At the time I was friends with a girl who had the perfect parents who loved each other, so she told me “Just go live with your dad what’s the big deal?”

So I promised myself, that if she starts yelling at me for no reason I’ll tell her that i will live with my dad. And that day i came home from school. I remember she was sitting with my grandma at the dining table. She started yelling at me. I just came home from school. I didn’t even have time to do anything. So i told her that fine i’ll go live with my dad. She said some pretty hurtful things like she dosent care if i go live with my dad, she only cares that they might make my little sister do 2 weeks here and two weeks there. She also told me that if I choose my dad i’m not her daughter anymore. I stayed with her.

Life has gotten better with her, we don’t fight as much as we used to, and all in all it’s okay. It’s important to note that my mom has a lot of debt to pay after the divorce situation, so I feel extremely guilty for any purchases i make. I do have a house and almost everyone has a room for them, so i am grateful for it and the food that my mom earns. She did say she’ll get me a therapist, but she never did.

My dad also isn’t this sweet awesome guy who is the victim: he is rude and also yells at me. I’m not sure how to explain it, but he dosent feel like family to me. He also almost never apologises, and he is lowkey racist and homophobic. (I’m gay, he dosent know that). I know i talk about my mom mostly in this post, but that’s because i live with her.

Back when he lived in my country, i would stay every few months one weekend at his place. Everytime i would come home, my mom would get mad at me, but because she can’t outright say it’s because i stayed with my dad, she would fine some dumb excuse or be passive aggressive.

Anyway, going back to the money problem, I am jealous of my friends who go on yearly vacations, because i haven’t been on a true vacation since 2018.

This is where i need advice. My 50 year old dad moved to the US with his wife in her 20s. He invited me to go visit him, and honestly, i really want to go. I talked to my mom about it yesterday, and she was basically something like “ugh do whatever you want as long as i don’t have to do anything”. The problem is, she does need to drive me to the airport at like 5 am, because the mother must be present when i get handed off to the aviation company ( i will solo travel as a minor.) She refuses to do that.

I told my dad i will talk to her. He said if she dosent agree to drive me, he will talk to her. That is what i’m scared about: I know for sure that they will start fighting again, my mom will get mad at me, start the whole thing of me living with my dad and then she’ll hate me. I don’t want any of this. I just want to go to the beach.

Important to note! I haven’t been physically abused by any members of my family!

I’m not sure on what to do, or what to say or i don’t even know at this point. Didn’t feel like talking to my friends or AI about this. Sorry.

Hi everyone! Before posting, I want to apologise if i don’t use reddit correctly because this is my first time posting.

Anyways, I’m a 14 yo girl who needs advice on what to do. I’ll start by explaining quickly the story of the divorce of my parents.

My mother and father have been together for a long time. They had three girls: My older sister, (2 years older) and my younger sister (6 years younger than me). My mom was a sahm and my dad was working. To be honest, I don’t remember much of my childhood, but i do remember there was a lot of yelling. At some point, i think i was hit once??? When i brought it up a few years ago to my parents and they acted as if i’m crazy, so don’t take this too seriously. Anyways, my parents always resented each other. During car trips, they would argue madly, and at the end they would kiss and it was always like a moment of relief to me and my older sister.

My moms parents live with us, and it’s very normal in our house for my mom to be talking shit about my to grandma, and then my mom talking shit to me about her mom, and basically like this cycle of hatred. In fights, I usually take my sisters sides, and i always defend my younger sister.
(For context, our family is slavic living in North America, so it’s not like the american stereotypical family).

A few years ago, my dad went on a work trip, fell inlove with a younger woman, texted my mom that he dosent want to be with her anymore. You know how it goes. My mom was crying very hard: i was the one at her side, consoling her. She would talk badly about my dad to me. I thought it was normal, so i was confused when my friends told me it wasn’t okay for me, a 10 year old child to be listening to my mom venting constantly.

The divorce process was very hard and long and stressful. My sisters and I chose to be with my mom, because it was either her or my dad full time, no two weeks there to weeks here.

When I was 12, life with my mom got awful. My house felt toxic: anything I would do resulted in my mom and I getting into a fight. She loved using the saying “move out of here and go live with your dad” to both me and my older sister. At the time I was friends with a girl who had the perfect parents who loved each other, so she told me “Just go live with your dad what’s the big deal?”

So I promised myself, that if she starts yelling at me for no reason I’ll tell her that i will live with my dad. And that day i came home from school. I remember she was sitting with my grandma at the dining table. She started yelling at me. I just came home from school. I didn’t even have time to do anything. So i told her that fine i’ll go live with my dad. She said some pretty hurtful things like she dosent care if i go live with my dad, she only cares that they might make my little sister do 2 weeks here and two weeks there. She also told me that if I choose my dad i’m not her daughter anymore. I stayed with her.

Life has gotten better with her, we don’t fight as much as we used to, and all in all it’s okay. It’s important to note that my mom has a lot of debt to pay after the divorce situation, so I feel extremely guilty for any purchases i make. I do have a house and almost everyone has a room for them, so i am grateful for it and the food that my mom earns. She did say she’ll get me a therapist, but she never did.

My dad also isn’t this sweet awesome guy who is the victim: he is rude and also yells at me. I’m not sure how to explain it, but he dosent feel like family to me. He also almost never apologises, and he is lowkey racist and homophobic. (I’m gay, he dosent know that). I know i talk about my mom mostly in this post, but that’s because i live with her.

Back when he lived in my country, i would stay every few months one weekend at his place. Everytime i would come home, my mom would get mad at me, but because she can’t outright say it’s because i stayed with my dad, she would fine some dumb excuse or be passive aggressive.

Anyway, going back to the money problem, I am jealous of my friends who go on yearly vacations, because i haven’t been on a true vacation since 2018.

This is where i need advice. My 50 year old dad moved to the US with his wife in her 20s. He invited me to go visit him, and honestly, i really want to go. I talked to my mom about it yesterday, and she was basically something like “ugh do whatever you want as long as i don’t have to do anything”. The problem is, she does need to drive me to the airport at like 5 am, because the mother must be present when i get handed off to the aviation company ( i will solo travel as a minor.) She refuses to do that.

I told my dad i will talk to her. He said if she dosent agree to drive me, he will talk to her. That is what i’m scared about: I know for sure that they will start fighting again, my mom will get mad at me, start the whole thing of me living with my dad and then she’ll hate me. I don’t want any of this. I just want to go to the beach.

Important to note! I haven’t been physically abused by any members of my family!

I’m not sure on what to do, or what to say or i don’t even know at this point. Didn’t feel like talking to my friends or AI about this. Sorry.