How do I set boundaries with husband's mom?
My husband's mother (63ish) is the most annoying person in the world. One of her many annoying behaviours is that she wants everything anybody else has, even if it is NOT something that she needs. She needs an Apple watch, pretty sure it's for show off. She doesn't know that it doesn't work without an Iphone. I guess she'll want an iPhone as well. What for? Show off. She has the habit of taking anything she likes from our cupboard - bedsheets, towels, doormats are a few examples. She asked my husband if she could take it, he said yes. And she would happily send it away to her home. Mind you she never asked me. I had bought those things. Now that she permanently (I hope not) lives with us due to her treatment, she hasn't taken away those things to her home.
But she does it with clothes. I didn't shop much before, so she didn't have much to take away. Whenever we go shopping, she wants tax, God knows what for. Kabhi pyjama laau mai toh she says ki unke liye bhi le aati. Abhi I got a few expensive linen clothes when I went with SIL, woh bhi chahiye tha unko. I bought a tshirt usi shopping session mein for office wear, toh woh bhi poochti thi if she can also wear. Idiot me couldn't say no. I need to say no and stop it for good. I'm anxious to buy stuff because she'll want that too. Why don't her kids and her husband tell her anything about this? I haven't seen anyone who's so "mangta". When I tell my husband that she does this, copies and asks for all that I have, then he says he'll get her that, it's not cut paste, but copy paste. He says imitation is the best form of flattery. I hate it that she copies me. Tell me - why should I do stuff for her when she doesn't do anything in return? And I don't like spending a rupee on her. She's a very toxic person and has made our lives hell.
I had to come to my parents to do office shopping. I'm scared to even take these clothes to where she lives, which is supposed to be my home. Yeh bhi maangne lagengi. What will I tell her if she asks?
"Mera mann nahi tha"
"Nahi, mere se mushkil se shopping hota hai, bohot time lagta hai, kisi aur ke liye shopping is beech nahi kar sakti. Kuch pasand aaye, na aaye, fir return karne ka headache nahi chahiye"
"Nahi, mai share nahi karungi"
"Nahi, aap pehenne ke liye leke wapas nahi karte. Fir apne pehenne ke liye mai aapse maang nahi sakti"
(she did that with the gold jewellery she gave me. Legally it's supposed to be my stridhan even if she gave it to me. She took it away in 2023 and it's 2026. She never returned it. Her cousin gave me gold earrings, she took them away too. She said she would return it to her cuz she can't afford to give that gift at her niece's wedding. What if she gives away the gold to her daughter?)
Pehle I would get stuff for her and SIL whenever I went shopping anywhere. Tab no thank you, nothing. Heck, she doesn't even wear those clothes and passes comments like "yeh toh hamare sthar ka nahi hai".
Yaar she starts talking about how she would wear plain clothes, silk saree, dress, high heels etc. All this even when hum naya dress dikhaate hai. Makes everything all about herself. I'm frustrated, don't know what to do anymore. Help me set boundaries please.