A cockroach crawled across my ass while I was taking a piss. I need everyone to remain silent for a moment to honor my now gone dignity
So it was late at night, and I got up to take a piss. I’m standing there waiting for the stream to start when suddenly I feel this weird tickle.
Brothers and sisters of Reddit… it was a cockroach.
ON. MY. BUTT.
And not just sitting there either, this thing was WALKING toward my forbidden zone. YES , THE HOLY ZONE, THE NO GO, THE SACRED NO NO ZONE.
" Ó̵͚̥̫͜ͅH̶̛͈̫̝̒̿M̶͍̗͐̈́̅Ý̷̨̮̬̐G̴͇̈́A̴̢̧̫̎̉Ạ̶̰̬̫̲͗͒͗̈́A̵̭͉̙̓̾̄Ä̵̠̆̎́͂A̵̰͌̑̏ͅẢ̸̧͍͕ͅÂ̶̢̺̤̺̯Ą̴͗̇̏͊͋A̸̗͒̇̊͐͂A̸̪̬̟̱͂Ḁ̷̦͉͎̑̑̕A̵̛̘̩̞̻̐̿A̴̡̙̽̅͜Ä̴͉́̉̈́A̷̮̣̟̭͇͆͌̈͠Ą̴͈̜̔̌͜A̴̡̮̤̩͌͛Ȁ̷̼̜͒̈́Ȁ̶̡̾A̵̮̪͈̔͒̑͗̀A̴̢̨̞̙̾̇͗̽̚Ą̵̡͍̀̉͊̌Ą̴͕̱̝̦̎̀͂̿Ẁ̵̻D̴͍̪̒H̵̨́̇̚͝A̸̦͎̍̐͝Ă̶̝͍̟̼A̷͍̣̬̤͋̾̾̑A̸̬̺͐͝A̷̙̻̲̹̔̉̓͝A̵̢̱͋͌̐̅Ǎ̷͖̘͍͈͇Ȁ̶̪̣̻̙̀͐̍͜A̷͙̓͋A̵̱̻͎͊̓A̸̹͕̣̼̅̈̈́A̶͖͚͋Ă̸̛̞̹͖̰͖̓Á̵̹̤͆̿̐̕Ā̷̫̭̻̖A̴̰̓A̷̢̬͚͔̞̍͠A̶̢̝̮̓̃̂͜Ą̸̫͗̓͜Ã̶̜͔̤̼̂̊̓̆ͅA̷̱̜̦̍͝Ã̸̛̩͓̻̿͜Ả̴͚̹Ạ̷̗̌͋̅͜Ã̶͇͉͙̯̾͐A̷͙͍̲͊͒̽͝Â̴̡̻̝̈́͋Ă̶̡̭̗͎A̴̞͈̳̋̏̚̕L̴̼̭̹̗̗͐P̵̧̟͚̰͕̆̍̅̑͝ "
I swear to God, all I saw was a little brown thing moving, and the second my brain processed what was happening, I started jumping around like an absolute maniac until the thing finally flew away.
But I needed revenge.
So I chased it down, pants barely pulled up, and squashed that brown asshat so hard I nearly caused an earthquake.
Permanently traumatized. Soul gone.