u/Opening-Tutor-1715

Hey I’ve read that on Sept 2023 there’s been like 155,000 eb petitions. I was seeing here and in the end SIJS back log coalition that it will be decades. My PD is Oct 2023. I was looking at the current dates and it’s advancing pretty fast. I don’t even need the final action dates tbh. I just want the dates for filling to be current given the recent changes to DA. So why is the current bulletins advancing? Is this whole 15 year things a context I’m missing? Did something change ?

I’m feeling hopeful but last time I felt hopeful it retrogressed and I was just giving up because it’s so volatile. But recent changes is making me think that renewing my DA is going to be hell and I don’t want to go through that.

I’m not pro or anti natalism. Quite frankly I have too much too worry about. I’m 23 F and I live in Southern California. I go on dates with guy 25-32. I say I want marriage. Im open to having kids. After having dated I feel less and less inclined to have kids. I mean these men are older than me as well and yet it just feels like they aren’t ready. All are good people but damn. For example most guys have a vape and weed addiction and they seem spaced out.

They all start with how they want to take it slow and there’s no rush. Everytime I hear that I think they want to take the physical aspect at a normal pace but the commitment and consistency to build something organic has to be taken slow. I usually opt out. And before you say it’s the men I date. I only date men that have full time job, careers, claim to want a long term relationship and are educated. I think that these men are too comfortable. They go on dating apps, have sex, go out with their friends, drink, party, have their hobbies…etc why would they want someone taking part of their schedule.

I’m an immigrant so it’s a cultural shock to me when they cancel, flake, ghost, not communicate…etc. if these men that look stable and well adjusted on paper and from afar are like this then why would I ever reproduce. These men also flake on their friends and don’t have a lot of friends tbh. When I talk about baby sitting for my neighbors, taking my friends to the airport, or just inconveniencing myself for the people around me, they are just surprised I would do that. They think I don’t have boundaries or sth. And at first I use to use my normal relational qualities with these guys like doing things for them here and there, planning, communicating…etc but these men stop reciprocating.

Anyways I realized that in the western world there seems to be the attitude that no one owes anyone. These men want to do the bare minimum of relational work. I’ve also tried to be friends with women in this culture and same flakiness and lack of reciprocity. Everyone feels entitled to a community but no one want to do the work of having a community. Seeing everyone be so selfish made me selfish. I don’t life a finger unless I see the other person putting in the work. I know that’s unfair but I’ve been burned so many times because I failed to see it as a norm at first.

Anyways it’s always about sex and the family but not enough about friendship, neighbors,…etc no one knows their neighbors. Seeing my neighbors have kids but one working day and one working night just amazed me. And it only works because they are such responsible people. If one even slacks they are gonna be ruined since they both work manual labour jobs and they don’t have much financial breathing room. I keep thinking to myself if I have kids, who will watch it if I’m sick,…etc your spouse can not be your only pillar. It’s not just men and women…this society is too individualistic. In my country the woman doesn’t even take care of the infant for like 3-4 months. The community takes turns taking care of the child and helping the women recover. New moms don’t life a finger. Here moms are expected to be super woman or sth. My country has its issues too but this sub makes it look like new moms elsewhere are suffering through it but western women are too spoiled. If anything western woman are suffering with motherhood more. Unfortunately you can’t raise kids in an individualistic society.