u/Opening_Garlic7720

Idk how exactly to word it

I don't cut for pain I do it to see blood, for the scars, because for some reason seeing my imperfect skin makes me happy knowing that it'll never go back, and to punish myself. Idk, sometimes I feel like it isn't sh because it isn't for pain, and that it isn't bad (idk any other way of putting it) because it isn't for pain.

I also hate the fact that I'm weak, as soon as it starts to hurt I have to stop, then I get mad when I don't cut deep enough and I can't handle the pain. It just makes me feel even more like a failure that I even fail at hurting myself.

I also get mad when there isn't enough blood, or if the scars aren't noticeable enough. Idk, maybe the reasons why I sh aren't right.

I just graduated high school, I turn 18 in 2 months, and also start college in the fall. This last year was so bad for me.

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I have been cutting for a few years now, but at this point I can't stop, I go to the mental hospital pretty much once a month since September, I have tried ending everything more times than I can count, and all this is because I'm scared to turn 18 and become an adult.

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I honestly want to go back to the hospital to get better, but I just got home Thursday and I'm afraid to tell anyone this, especially since my parents don't have a car, and my mom likes to pry and try to make me talk in the several hours we have to wait in the er before going to the actual mental hospital.

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I want to get better, but I'm afraid to talk so I cut, and I cut a lot. I need help, but idk how to get it, and I really don't want to go to the mental hospital after I turn 18 because I have been told that it's worse on adult units because people are mostly there for drugs or things other than depression.

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What am I supposed to do?

So after the Royal Highlands update, we were introduced to 2 new characters: Eshelon and Taylin. We all know (or should know) that Taylin is Sifuus wife who was always thought to be dead; we were told about their story and how Taylin left to kill the beast after lying about not doing so. In the update we find out that Taylin moved the curse off Ulfe and onto herself, we also know Ulfe calls her his "maman" we are told that Eshelon is going to end up getting dialogue as well as romance, and Sifuu is getting romance, but what about Taylin? Right now she is found at Chaynes observatory where you wake up after the blast. You can interact with her, and Sifuu and Hassan both talk about how Taylin is back, but what are the devs going to do with her?