u/Opposite_Sandwich804

Hi all, looking for some words of encouragement and real examples from personal experiences to help me feel at peace with staying in my PhD program.

I’m two years into my program, taking a break over the summer to do an unrelated internship, but returning in the fall to start my third year. I’m in phylogenetics (with a microbial focus, so no fun fieldwork), and I don’t love it. I’ve spent the past two years going back and forth with myself, friends, my therapist, and family about whether or not to leave with a masters, and I was this close to deciding to leave until having some convos with friends this past week that kind of made it seem like it would be a waste to leave.

Reasons for leaving:
I don’t enjoy research or reading/discussing literature

I haven’t built super close friendships with my cohort/department despite two years of concerted effort on my part (they’re friends, but they’re not my people y’know) so it kind of feels lonely on a day-to-day basis

My department (and school) severely lacks diversity and I’m a BIPOC student, and though I’ve been in PWIs my whole life, this experience has been very jarring

I know that I don’t want to go into academia (more interested in science media and I know I don’t NEED a PhD for that, though it might be helpful)

Due to my lab and department’s funding issues there’s a high likelihood that I’ll need to TA at least for this upcoming school year, and after TA-ing for one semester last year, I have a feeling it will be a huge time sink that will further stifle my research progress (i have not yet done quals)

My program and department are also very stingy with funding in general, and I’ve come to realize recently that they’re not willing to help out with conference grants, supplemental funding in emergencies, etc (even though I have countless examples of them doing so for other people in my program)

Reasons for sticking it out
My school is very prestigious and it would feel like a waste to leave when I know being here is a major privilege

Health insurance

The job market is tough and sticking it out may afford me more time while the market (hopefully) improves

I can take courses that will make me more marketable for careers outside of research/academia while i finish

Resources at my school (alumni network, fun classes unrelated to research, wellness programs, etc)

I genuinely think my family would be disappointed and even though I know I shouldn’t make decisions for them, it feels extra risky to leave and disappoint them without a solid path forward/lucrative job offer

My work is computational so I only really need to come in two days a week and can otherwise work from anywhere so it’s relatively chill even though I’m not a fan of it

My advisor is super nice and I think would genuinely be heartbroken

I’m one of 3 BIPOC students in my program and from looking at the alums, I think I would be the third Black student to ever graduate from the program, and part of me feels a responsibility to contribute to more representation

Ive only ever had research-related jobs/internships (started my PhD right out of undergrad) so I don’t think I’m currently marketable for any jobs outside of research or life sciences consulting 🤢

Anyways, looking for some encouragement to stay with the added context that I’m not seeking research/academic jobs, but I am hoping to step into high paying jobs post PhD

I’m near the end of my second year of my PhD program in microbiology at a US school. My program is interdisciplinary, so although my lab is in Earth Sciences, others in my cohort are in other departments like bio-engineering, chemical engineering, etc. It’s a very small program, and I’ll admit that I did not do my due diligence in looking deeply into the program before accepting my offer.

For starters, my lab’s research topic is okay, but it is not the lab that I initially wanted to join. I did not quite understand the nuances of academia and thought that I would be able to join my top choice earth science lab, but only realized when it was too late that the PI was subtly trying to tell me that he did not have funding to take me on. I joined another earth science lab, but quickly realized that the culture was terrible and switched labs within a couple of months. My current lab’s topic is fine, but I have no excitement for it.

On top of all of this, I am generally unenthusiastic about any and all research at this point. And I’ve come to realize that I never liked research, even throughout my years of research as an undergrad. But I lied to myself through my senior thesis and PhD applications, and now I’m here. I also did not do any other internships during undergrad outside of research and went straight into a PhD program after graduating, so I don’t have any other skills.

And THEN there’s a funding issue. My PI has been in a funding rut for the past year or so, and I knew that he didn’t have funding for me when I switched into the lab. However, my program agreed to fund me for the year (even though they typically don’t do that beyond your first year). I naively thought that it would be easy for my PI to resolve his funding issue within the year, but one school year later, and he still has no funding. I had hoped to apply for the GRFP, but they took the option away for 2nd year students this year. I looked into other fellowships, but ultimately my PI and I were unable to find one for me to apply for. Now, my PI and my program admins are talking about me doing TA positions next fall, and I genuinely can’t do it. I was a TA last fall, and the time commitment was just too much for me. I felt like I was unable to make meaningful strides in my research. I still don’t have a solid project that is my own, and if I have to TA again, I fear I won’t have enough time to prepare for my qualifying exam.

I have been considering mastering out for a long time now, and last fall, my school therapist had even recommended it. I keep going back and forth on it, but I always end up deciding to stay because of the stipend, health insurance, job prospects, and resources. I also feel like I don’t have a substantial enough body of work to write a master’s thesis even if I wanted to.

In terms of career paths, I’ve always been interested in science communication and have gotten involved in small ways since starting grad school (writing for publications, volunteering) but have no idea what a real career in this field looks like salary-wise, especially with only having a masters degree vs PhD.

Anyways, sorry that this is all over the place, but I’m wondering if I should try leave the program with a master’s next year or stick it out and make use of the university’s resources for another 3 years.

I should also add for context that I am in the Northeast in a HCOL area, and that my work is computational/bioinformatics (but no one in my lab really knows how to code so I don’t feel like I’ve actually gained transferable computational skills).