u/Optimal-Let8992

• everything is too loud most of the time, can’t concentrate on things or get stuff done. Feel it’s gonna burst. Only time get somewhat peace is when I have a good sleep. Dread waking up

• hearing my name be called, since I was teenager in my ear, my a man. Happened a few times.

• waking up from sleep due to banging loud noises that aren’t actually there until I realise when I wake up and check. Also wake up panicking get straight up run around because if feels like something bad has happened while I’ve been asleep. Wake up to whispers in my ear, my name again.

• everytime I go outside, car sounds are too loud, I think everyone is staring at me in the cars, I’ve asked people what they are looking at.

• having to put my fingers in my ears everytime I am out or overwhelmed, to block out the constant sound. Even when it’s quiet.

• don’t like people looking at me, can feel they do know something.

• I know what people sound like before they speak, I feel I can hear their voices or them speaking when I look at them.

• paranoid about people in power, authorities, working together because they know I’m strange and sometimes it obvious that I’m not well and wondering why they haven’t noticed - thinking they’re going to write stories on me after they’ve waited to the very last point I lose it. They’ve been watching me.

• I don’t like people walking behind me, I will cross the road or stop to let them walk infront.

• I tend to wait til it’s dark or late so I can actually leave the house.

• when I was small I used to make up imaginary friends, my mum and dad said I had a ‘ghost’ friend and used to laugh at him when I was toddler age. As an older child I made friends up, I didn’t want real friends. I have always been a loner, and never have true friends from choice. I would never trust one.

• struggle really badly to take rubbish outside (no attachment to it like the classic hoarder) it’s like I really can’t take it outside and I cry because of this, because it can become a problem. I feel like neighbours will take photos of me or there at their windows waiting to se me because they know I’m strange.

• feeling people are trying to push me and are aware I’m struggling but getting off on trying to push and push me to do something drastic or have a breakdown, so they can report me or gain evidence

• struggle with eye contact, struggle to stay in a room with people too long, can’t sit down. At family functions, I’m the one that can’t and never have been able to sit down and chat, I will wander or stand in kitchen on my own.

• I sometimes see black figures (masculine) they stand and stare at me at night mainly when I’m trying to go sleep. Or mainly when I’m on my own. I can feel the prescence and I know it’s there. In my boyfriends house, I have felt a male prescence but I’m not sure if it’s a spirit, when I had a bad episode mentally and was in his house, I was scared to look at the wardrobe at their top as there was a male on top of the wardrobe and I couldn’t work out if he was trying to get me to go away or scare me of if he was watching me.

• I do know pretty much what is going to happen most times, and I can’t work out if I’m being paranoid or not but most of the time things happen. It’s confusing

• I will go into severe paranoia episodes that can last days if something even slight triggers me - like a no caller ID call, like someone asking me a certain question. Like a knock on my door

• people irritate me so much nowadays, I actually get so angry at people, random people, I take taxis and they are the worst. Rudeness can trigger me so badly and I then be rude back 100x more. I get so angry. At selfish people who have zero manners . I actually went to hit a taxi driver and he wanted me there’s a camera. He was antagonising me.

• when people are talking to me, I can see their lips moving, but it’s way too loud in my head I genuinely can’t hear them. I have to ask to repeat once or twice.

•if I’m stressed I will talk to myself a lot. Even in public.

I am now starting to get worse with this and I have always been this way but not as bad as now, I’m late 20s. I’m struggling. My brothers suicide and other problems have definitely worsened it. I blocked all these stuff out so many times, now it’s gotten too much.

I only realise I’m doing these things until after I have calmed down, or somebody tells me after.

Hello, so I am 27 and I am a female and I am struggling with paranoia and I’ve always had paranoia since I was a small child. Whenever I have to go out like to do the shopping or something, I get really angry like I do not like people I don’t like people looking at me. I don’t like people walking near me. I don’t like people walking behind me. I always give dirty looks to people I’ve even asked people what are you looking at me for? I talk to myself. It’s like whenever I have to go outside i change into a different person. I don’t like being like that because I know deep down that’s not me but I really don’t like people like I feel this anger inside. There’s been times where I have gone outside. I get really hot because I’m so anxious. I get so stressed and sometimes I end up being really dizzy and feeling sick because of this because of how extreme it is. When I go back home sometimes I literally have to collapse on the floor and I just start crying. I feel like people know something about me, I feel like when I have eye contact with people they can see something in my soul and they don’t like it like it’s something really negative or scary.
I’ve started to wear earphones recently and it helps me a lot because it blocks any noises out like I don’t like the sound of cars , I don’t like the sound of people talking or laughing really loud loudly. I don’t have any friends and I never have and that is from choice. I feel like when I have had a friend, they’re always sly. You can’t trust them. I feel like my loyalty to people are on a different planet, like I have so much loyalty to people but then they never return it to me like nobody in my life has the same loyalty that I’ve had for people and this is what gets me really annoyed because I don’t understand like I can’t comprehend this. I have had psychosis before, but nobody knows this apart from who I was with at the time so I have had actually had it twice in the space of three Years and they were both from weed. And I do not smoke cigarettes and I am not a weed smoker. These were like my 3rd times smoking in my life. The first time I kept seeing the person’s face changing into different people I’ve known in the past and also trees kept changing into figures of people and shadows on the street. The second time was edibles last year with my boyfriend at the time and I felt like I was paralysed in the bed for hours and I was getting extremely paranoid about my bf. My paranoia is not due to these episodes because I’ve had paranoia since I was a small child. I used to get paranoid and think I could hear adult conversations from far away.
One time where I was sober. I had lost my key and I had to ring a locksmith. He was being very strange. He was dressed all black and I said why are you acting like your police and then he said well we are part of police. So I told him to go away I said that’s strange and I got a taxi to my mum’s house and I was crying and there was no door handle on the taxi car and the taxi driver had no face so I had to stop looking at him and this was around two years ago. I never got any help for any of these episodes. Because it’s just embarrassing. But I want to make it clear that before any weed that I smoked I was already like that so I don’t know if it just enhanced underlying paranoia.
I’m ok now not been in those states, I just struggle with paranoia delusions . If I get extremely depressed I see hallucinations. And I try to make sure my sleep is okay.