u/Optimistic-anger

Good morning all. I am going to be making my eight year old some regalia that reflects her personal style. We are PNW native (not sure if it’s relevant but I know that styles, lore, requirements and execution are different from region to region so I am adding that just in case) and I am not finding clear answers to my questions. So here we go.

1- can I sew feathers into the dress as part of the design? (We want to use spray adhesive to create strength and the sew onto felt to create stability before sewing into an embroidered pattern)

2- how many jingle cones are required on a dress?

3- how many feathers can be used in the headband of an eight year old girl? She requested three but all the girls I saw at the last pow wow only had one and I don’t want to do anything wrong.

4- she wants a raven themed set and I know that the raven has several myths behind him and I want to make sure that it won’t be offensive or anything.

5- any tips or tricks regarding the beadwork would be helpful as well.

I myself am not native but my beautiful bonus girls are so I am wanting to give the eldest a set of regalia that she will be proud to wear. She has started to enter her “emo” phase and wants less colorful and bright and we found a plethora of crow/raven feathers over the last few months and she wants to incorporate that into her regalia because it was a great bonding experience for us going on all those walks together just talking about life. I

Going to add in a few edits:

My husband and I had been friends long before we started dating.

My bonus girl asked me to make her new regalia because she wanted to do something important with me.

I called it a performance and it was insensitive but it is a culturally significant performance of your traditions and messages. No it’s not a broadway show.

I do appreciate the people within this post that gave given me guidance without attacking me or making me feel stupid for trying my best to support my bonus daughter in her journey. I am trying to learn but have never been involved in tribes previously. I will be reaching out to the local governance and asking for guidance as has been suggested. Anyone else willing to help i will be open to all suggestions.

I don’t know if jealous is the right word. But irrational, crazy, dumb, and controlling also come to mind. In the room my bonus babies share there is a picture of my husband and their mother kissing on the beach. There are plenty of other pictures of them because it is important for the girls to see pictures of both their parents. I don’t want to erase their past. But man this picture makes me so irritated.

I don’t want to ask him to take it down because it feels controlling. But I hate seeing it every time I come to play with the kiddos in the room. Or I help them pick out clothes. Idk just annoyed and hate the damn picture.

I have been checked out as a mother due to life issues for years. It is something that I had only been willing to admit to myself in the last few weeks. My fiancé asked me tonight if I even wanted to be a mom and it was a punch to the gut. Because I love my blended family. But my own biological children treat me awful because I haven’t been a parent. My fiancé’s children absolutely love me and I find myself becoming a better parent to them than I am to my own children because they have only known the version of me that I am now as a parent. I am hoping that there are resources that I can utilize. Online classes, books, anything that I can use to learn how to correct my behaviors and be the mom all of our children deserve. If anyone has anything that they can offer I am all ears. I am desperate to correct this. For reference my bio kids are 7 and 12. My bonus based range from 2-8.

I am lucky enough to have found my best friend and we are planning our wedding. It’s been a whirlwind and we moved fast after going from friendly to dating. For context his ex left him and absconded with their children after an 8 year relationship. I left my ex and father of my children after an 8.5 year relationship. Respectively these relationships ended about 8/9 months ago. Him and I hooked up early/mid November and now we are here.

The problem is his ex. She is mad that even though she left he moved on. Him and I had been friends for about a year prior to dating. I tried to be friends with her. Yes I thought my husband was hot af but I was in a relationship and I respected his relationship. But she refused to even be polite to me when we would interact.

Together my husband and I had a blended family with five very amazing and beautiful children. My husband is fighting for his life in the court system as we beg for overnights with his babies. She sends the kids for our very short visits with a list of questions they have to ask that are highly inappropriate. The babes beg us to spend the night. They beg us to spend extra time with them. They beg to call me Mama too.

She made her attorney serve me a subpoena for court as though I wouldn’t be there to support my husband and testify on his behalf in regards to his amazing parenting. To testify that I have watched this man step up for my children in ways their father won’t.

He showed up for my daughter for soccer. He supports my son wanting to learn how to cook. He has encouraged his eldest to explore her own personal style. He goes above and beyond every time I so much as half hearted mention a desire for something.

I am spiraling over this subpoena and haven’t slept in two nights. It is 5 am and I have been staring at my ceiling since 1. I don’t understand why they had to do this in stead of just allowing me to testify for free like I was planning. No we aren’t perfect. But we for sure are not the abusive, drug addicted, alcoholics she is trying to paint us to be. We are two well rounded adults who just want to be happy and involved in our children’s lives.