u/Original-Cell-4433

Long rant sorry. Scroll to bottom for overall question.

I am clumsy and uncoordinated. I danced for years so it’s not for lack of practice… I fear for where I would’ve been right now had I not continued to work on my coordination for years. Just today I was trying to water some plants and I ended up catching the watering can on something and poured water all over my shoes and it took me about 10 seconds to figure out how to get it to stop (as it was caught).

I have very few friends. I am not diagnosed with autism, but I struggle to relate to other people and pick up on subtle communication. I am of course self conscious about this which I think compounds my poor social performance. And I do have severe sensory issues that interfere with my day-to-day life. I cannot even comfortably snuggle with my boyfriend because I am so sensitive.

My IQ is above average but I have huge executive functioning issues. I’m slow and have a bad working memory. I’m currently working a retail food service job and I feel like such an idiot having to run back to check the ticket 3x because I forgot what it said.

My academics are fine, but of course my deficiencies get in the way and I have huge difficulties focusing and remembering information. I lose track of my own thoughts and I feel like half the time my brain is empty.

I’m not strong, I have chronic health issues and my joints are weak. I do exercise regularly but I am in constant pain… all to still be below average in terms of strength.

I am not very friendly or kind. I’m generally quite irritable and annoyed. I’m not mean, of course, and I try to be a good person but I am just so cranky I don’t know what to do.

I am not in-touch with my emotions. I feel numb most of the time, like I am waiting for the day life finally becomes real and I can finally experience what living is like. I struggle with several bad coping strategies and I’m just barely strong enough to keep away from any of them.

The above are all things I regularly try to work on. I really want to be better. But nothing has gotten better.

And of course, there is no specific task or subject that I excel in. Not art, not music, not any sport, not learning languages, not video games, not puzzles, not cooking, not gardening etc etc. I feel worthless, everyone I know has one thing that they’re very good at. For example, one person I know is hugely talented in visual-spatial skills and they just understand instinctively how pieces of anything fit together or directions. Another is gifted in writing and being able to explain their thoughts extremely clearly with large vocabulary and linguistic finesse. These aren’t the biggest skills in the world and often aren’t relevant, but they are still something.

What can I do? Any recommendations for something I could try? I don’t need general health advice, I eat well and drink lots of water and don’t drink or use drugs and I try to get 8+ hours of sleep and exercise.

There honestly isn’t much I’m interested in doing, I’m so apathetic, but I’m open to suggestions. It seems as though the thing I am truly the best at is feeling upset. I feel so dull and boring and stupid. Which… DUH… is bad. Suggestions please

21F, 125lbs, 5’5, occasional cannabis use, quit drinking. MCAS, dysautonomia, hypermobility, gut issues

Allegra, Pepcid, singulair, cromolyn sodium, propranolol, LDN (4.5mgs), modafinil on weekdays

I started LDN at 1.5mg about 2.5 months ago. I went up to 3mg and now 4.5mg about a month ago.

I haven’t felt much emotionally and my libido has been low for the past few months. My pain has improved but I would think I would feel happier + more aroused given the pain relief. Might the naltrexone be over-blocking and making me insensitive to my natural endorphins? Nothing makes me happy. I’m totally numb. I can’t remember if I’ve always been like this, I know my emotional permanence is bad

It’s becoming distressing, I have OCD and I’m completely fixated on the idea I hate my boyfriend and maybe I do but maybe this could be related? Please let me know if this is a side effect, if it would be safe to lower my dose or go off of it cold-turkey to see what happens?

Hi

I don’t know if there is something wrong with me or if this is simply my disposition/personality. I hardly feel anything. Nothing makes me happy even the things I would think would like going outside. I feel at most melancholy. I can’t stand being sober, I’ve stopped drinking but I’m cutting myself more because I need something. I want to fight and argue with my boyfriend but we don’t have any actual issues and logically I can tell he is a nice, good person. I am numb, always, I cry when I’m very stressed out or with sad animal stuff or when I think about how hopeless and drab my life is but that’s it. But there isn’t anything overtly wrong. Are some people just like this? I once saw a neuropsychologist for childhood social issues and she just said that while I have deficits there isn’t really an explanation and some people are just like that. I don’t have any friends, I am smiley and try to be friendly but nothing I do matters or sticks. Can they just sense I am empty?

I’m sorry if this sounds whiney, it doesn’t matter, I just don’t know if this is any sort of identifiable pattern of issues or if this is simply how people are and I need to live with it. Thanks.