u/Ornery-Sheepherder74

Did anyone else just lose WiFi but not power?

Tomorrow is my (M early 30s) birthday and I’m really in my feels. I realized recently, no one cares. I have essentially one close friend who I have known forever, but we have grown distant as we grow older. I’m estranged from my insane family. I only have me, and I’m a hard person to rely on.

I’m in a HCOL area working a “prestigious” ish position in my industry, although you wouldn’t know it. I barely get paid enough and can’t survive. I’m in a huge amount of debt that I can’t pay off. Every day is scraping and reaching for some future that will never happen. A future where I can take some time off and not worry about work, a future where I can afford a house, a future where people care about me and actually seek to understand me rather than use me.

I spent most of my 20s recovering from trauma. Dad died a horrible death from cancer, mom subsequently tried to kill herself a few times, I got SA’ed and went crazy as a result. I spent quite a few years recovering from that, it involved a lot of therapy and some medications. As I crossed the threshold into 30, I honestly could say to myself, yes I have the skills to handle this and have grown and am not an anxious and depressed mess all the time.

But these days, I am asking myself, what was the point? Do I just want to be a slave all day and give and give to this institution that doesn’t care about me? I feel like I’ve been left behind. I live right in the middle of town and I see all of these people out living life, meeting up with friends for dinner, having fun. Not me, not me at all.

It doesn’t help that I’m fat and have some health issues. And being fat makes me tired and overheated easily … so I am not the type of person who has the energy to be like, yeah I’ll wake up and go do some social thing I’ve never done before. I just had to cancel some important medical imaging because I literally can’t afford it.

To top it off, I’m also gay and grew up in a home that very homophobic. Recently my doctor suggested I might have IBS. I literally spent several days reliving the 12 year old version of me that was reading books my parents gave me about gay bowel disease and how I would die from it if I continued my life of sin.

I just wish things were easy. If I wasn’t fighting to survive, I would have more space to maybe be adventurous. I work SO HARD on myself all the time and it’s never enough.

Hello! I’m on the new to running plan. Is there a way to repeat workouts? I’m not sure I’m ready for the next run, which has longer intervals.

Unrelated, is there a way to completely hide heart rate info? It sometimes shows up while I’m running, which is annoying because runna has no way of measuring my heart rate (I don’t wear a watch and my phone is in my pocket).

Thanks in advance!

I live in the Northeast US in a large city, I enjoy alone time and pretty much do my own thing but lately have been feeling pretty lonely. I’d love to connect with other similar people for casual conversations, inspiration, and sharing about our goals or things we are trying to overcome. I have a big improvement mindset but at the same time am fairly lazy lol.

A bit about me … homebody who also enjoys exploring the neighborhood and getting some good food or treats. Really enjoy food, especially trying a wide range of cuisines but also healthy foods too.

I am a huge knitter and do a lot of really complex crafting stuff. That’s honestly my passion and what I would be doing full time, if I wasn’t held back by my dumb office job lol.

I’m trying to get back into reading and would love suggestions or to talk about books. I’m also really getting into setting up my homelab and learning about open software and even doing my own code projects.

Hopefully you are a more mature person, who talks in full sentences. And hopefully you can alternate between kind of complex topics and also simple low brow entertainment, that’s the way I roll. And ideally you are around my age. Besides that, I am looking forward to seeing what sort of connections are out there.