Just feeling a lot
For context, we’ve only been trying for two cycles so a big part of me feels like I don’t even have the right to feel this way but this month has been so incredibly taxing on my mental health. We went on our honeymoon which was amazing. We had sex every day starting 8 days before my app said I would ovulate and two days after. We got home 9dpo so normally I would start testing but we came home to an absolute nightmare.
My sister was watching our cats and by no fault of her own, one of them had ingested sewing thread and had to have emergency surgery. During the surgery we were told he only had 30% of his intestines intact and salvageable leaving him a 10% chance of recovery. I won’t get into the details but in the span of three days we went from fully accepting we were losing him, then saw a huge improvement after surgery, then he went septic and we thought we were losing him again. After a second surgery, he’s now home and recovering. It’s a long road ahead and caring for him 24/7 has been exhausting but I’ll do anything and everything to help him heal. Maybe it’s dumb but it has also made me think about how many parallels there are to caring for a newborn and the level of care my cat needs right now. 2 hours of sleep max and constant diaper changes.
All of this to say, this ordeal kept me from obsessing about testing. I didn’t want the joy of a positive test to be lost among the stress and sadness we were feeling. I was able to just keep it in the back of my mind and just planned to test if I missed my period.
Our kitty is doing really well at home and I feel like I can finally breathe without the fear of losing him. This made me consider testing. Long story long, I woke up this morning to spotting which happens every cycle before my period. I’m feeling really disappointed because we tried so many days in a row, although I know that’s just one piece of the puzzle. I thought that maybe this would be the light shining on the other side of everything for us. I’m also feeling like maybe it makes sense so that we have more time to regain our footing, emotionally and financially after the kitty ordeal. Even with pet insurance, our savings were significantly drained and that’s also been a blow to my sanity. Sorry for the rambling post and if it was too off topic. I’m just trying to sort myself out after the emotional whiplash of everything.