u/Overall-Ad2878

My boyfriend is self-employed, and his business is suffering because of the economic crisis. But he says he can’t take a “normal” job because he’s fought so long and hard for his dream. He’d rather go under, he says. Okay—that’s his decision. The problem is, though, that he complains a lot about how he’s about to go broke and how terrible everything is, instead of trying a different path.

I try not to be codependent, but the way he belittles “normal” life, e.g., with a job, a small apartment, is starting to feel like an insult to me (as that's how I live, and I like my small, calm life). Also, the way he hates his own life (of which I’m a part) and says he just wants to “get out of here” is driving me mad. I suspect he’s dep***sed, but he gets very angry when I suggest he seek help.

His theory is that all his mental health issues would disappear if he had a lot of money. Besides, he's always talking about rich people who have more than he does and how unfair it all is. He gets really angry when I suggest that he try a different approach. I’m supposed to be full of compassion and strength so that he can be as weak as he is, but I’m feeling more and more helpless with each passing week.

I felt like a total idiot while handling most of the tasks we were supposed to share, e.g. getting food, cooking for us, planning things and stuff. Besides, I feel like I'm just a handy helper in his life and not his girlfriend—the kind of girlfriend he'd be happy to make coffee for or have breakfast ready for when she comes to stay for the night. In the morning, he makes a coffee for himself in his own kitchen and snacks something from the fridge. I, while visiting him, have to take care of my own needs myself. Of course, when he stays at my place, he gets full boyfriend service. Are my standards too high? As you can imagine, a conversation about this is not possible because he weaponizes is situation and makes me feel like a cruel dick whenever I say something.

It’s also almost impossible for me to have a moment of weakness when he's around. If I get sick, he says, “You’re not getting sick!”. If I try to let him know that I don't feel seen by him he says I'm unfair because he has ADHD and that's nothing he can change. (Btw: I have ADHD, too.)

Then again, he sometimes says how glad he is that I'm there. But why? To make him feel safe? To bring him food? So he won't be alone? Is that reason enough to be with someone?

Leaving him would mean taking away his last source of support. What now? I need some advice on how to handle this situation. Thanks.

My boyfriend is self-employed, and his business is suffering because of the economic crisis. But he says he can’t take a “normal” job because he’s fought so long and hard for his dream. He’d rather go under, he says. Okay—that’s his decision. The problem is, though, that he complains a lot about how he’s about to go broke and how terrible everything is, instead of trying a different path.

I try not to be codependent, but the way he belittles “normal” life, e.g., with a job, a small apartment, is starting to feel like an insult to me (as that's how I live, and I like my small, calm life). Also, the way he hates his own life (of which I’m a part) and says he just wants to “get out of here” is driving me mad. I suspect he’s dep***sed, but he gets very angry when I suggest he seek help.

His theory is that all his mental health issues would disappear if he had a lot of money. Besides, he's always talking about rich people who have more than he does and how unfair it all is. He gets really angry when I suggest that he try a different approach. I’m supposed to be full of compassion and strength so that he can be as weak as he is, but I’m feeling more and more helpless with each passing week.

This weekend, I stayed over at his place, he made himself a cup of coffee in the morning, but not for me. Usually, there’s nothing to eat either (unless I bring it to his place), so I left his apartment in the morning, had breakfast out, and came back. I felt like a total idiot, and that was not the first time. As you can imagine, a conversation about this is not possible because he weaponizes is situation and makes me feel like a cruel dick whenever I say something.

It’s also almost impossible for me to have a moment of weakness when he's around. If I get sick, he says, “You’re not getting sick!”. If I try to let him know that I don't feel seen by him he says I'm unfair because he has ADHD and that's nothing he can change. (Btw: I have ADHD, too.)

Then again, he sometimes says how glad he is that I'm there. But why? To make him feel safe? To bring him food? So he won't be alone? Is that reason enough to be with someone?

Leaving him would mean taking away his last source of support. What now?