When to step away from an alcoholic friend?
Hi!
I’ve known this person for 10 years and have been friends for about 6.5–7 years. I’m pretty introverted and she’s definitely an extrovert, but we mesh well together. She does 90% of the talking, lol, but in all seriousness I really care about her. But, there are a few issues that have me considering severing the friendship.
She pretty much fell off the face of the earth for about two years, which is why I consider it a 6.5–7 year friendship. We reconnected 5.5 years ago and picked up right where we left off. Things were cool we got dinner a lot , mani/pedis, talked about future plans, and attended most of each other’s family events. You know, best friend, right-hand man type of thing.
Now this is where things get tricky
After every hangout we somehow ended up at the bar…. She’d be drunk while I stayed sober or had one drink max. The more we went out, the more she drank. It was like she couldn’t stop once she started. This girl would drink five doubles and still not be ready to go home. My best friend is an alcoholic, and with every interaction it became clear this wasn’t just a once a week thing… It was more like five or six days a week. I knew she was a full blown alcoholic when she’d send me voice messages, I could tell she was hammered, and she’d still insist she hadn’t drank that day. Well why are you drunk? It would seriously be 1pm or even noon and she’d be a few white claws and miniature vodka bottles in.
It got so bad one night that she fell face first. No one would help me get her off the floor, so I had to call my mom to help me peel her up. Mind you, my mom was at home in bed but she was the closet person to the bar that I knew would help… she was so drunk she couldn’t even tell me the code to get her into her apartment so I had to bring her to my house to sleep over. Threw up all over my car and furniture’s.
After that night I told her I could no longer drink with her because I couldn’t even enjoy myself. I felt like a babysitter making sure she was okay, and that wasn’t okay.
She’s had many sober stints, anywhere from one week to one year. It always seems so promising, then I get the “Girl, let’s go to the bar” or “Omg, don’t hate me, but I’m drinking again.” One time I Hadn’t heard from her in days and low and behold she was locked up. Found out when I got on FB and her mugshot was on the local PD booking page.
*It’s not funny but as I’m writing this I’m just shaking my head laughing.*
It’s absolutely draining, and I’ve really started to distance myself. I’m no longer answering phone calls because I can’t tell you how many times she’s called asking for a ride home because she was too drunk. She’s had three DUIs. There were quite a few more incidents but it’ll be a 5 page essay if I write it all out..
She recently told me she’d like to see me more often, but I’m torn between cutting ties until she’s been sober for a while, cutting ties with no time frame, or continuing to be there for her. I’ve talked with my therapist about it several times and was advised to cut ties because of how much stress it causes me. My response to my therapist is almost always, “What if she calls, I don’t answer, then she drives drunk, kills herself, or an innocent driver? I’ll feel guilty.”
I hate that I keep feeling this way, but it’s hard not to. What do you guys think? If you were in a similar situation, would you call it quits? Have you dealt with an alcoholic friend? Ugh, I’m really beating myself up over this.