u/Own-Revolution-3999

I’m really confused and need honest advice, especially from women who have been through arranged marriages.

I’ve received a proposal from a guy who seems to tick almost all my boxes. He’s good-looking, earns well, has a good job abroad, and seems progressive, mature, calm, and kind. He’s two years older than me. His job and background checks are verified, my dad interviewed him over a video call, and my parents think he’s a good guy.

The proposal was almost settled when he wanted to speak to me personally. We discussed our expectations from marriage, and he was respectful of everything I asked for. However, he said he wants a conventional household where his wife doesn't work and focuses on the home. He says he can provide a good life for her.

I'd obviously be moving abroad with him after marriage, which makes the career question even more complicated.

My current job is quite stressful, so honestly, the idea of leaving work and having a comfortable life doesn't sound bad lol. But I don't know if I genuinely want to be a homemaker or if I'm just tired of my current job. I'm also worried I might regret giving up my career and financial independence, especially when I'd be living in another country away from my family.

He seems like a genuinely good prospect, and I don't want to reject a potentially great match over something I might be okay with. At the same time, I don't want to agree to a lifestyle I'll regret.

For women who've been in a similar situation:

• Would you give up your career for an otherwise great match?
• If you moved abroad with your husband and became a homemaker, did you regret it?
• Should I explore this proposal further and discuss expectations in more detail, or is this a fundamental incompatibility?

I'd really appreciate honest advice. I don't want to make a decision based on fear of missing out on a good match or simply being tired of my job.

I genuinely have no idea who to talk to about this without being judged 😭

25F, I’m going thru such a weird phase rn n I feel rly stuck. I’ve been jobless for the past few months n still can’t find a job, n it’s starting to make me feel v useless. My family keeps saying I shud get married n that I don’t rly need a job, but tbh that scares me. I rly wanna be independent b4 getting married, esp w how things r these days.

At the same time, whenever I look at rshtas, I don’t rly feel a vibe or connection w anyone. Seeing my sis’s marriage has made me even more scared. She’s a doc n doing her training to become a consultant, but her in-laws are very patriarchal. They basically believe that if a woman is married, she shud just stay home, look after the kids n manage the house. My sis has worked so hard, n this is her last year of training, after which she’ll become a consultant, so obviously she can’t just give up her career after putting in so many years of hard work. But her in-laws constantly try to make her feel guilty, like she’s neglecting the kids or the house just bcz she has a demanding career. Her husband does support her, but in front of his family he mostly stays quiet, which makes things even harder. They’re educated n have a good background, but emotionally it still feels like such a mismatch, n honestly I don’t want that for myself.

Now there’s a proposal my fam likes. The guy’s educated, earns well n seems decent, but he lives w his parents + siblings in a rental house. I’ve grown up w a lot of comfort n I’m used to having AC all the time (plz don’t judge 😭 garmi mein genuinely guzara mushkil hai), while their lifestyle is much more basic. I know AC/comfort might sound superficial, n I feel kinda guilty even thinking abt it, but I’m honestly scared I won’t be able to adjust long-term.

I’ve also been thinking maybe I shud do a master’s since I feel so stuck career-wise. At least I’d have smth productive to focus on instead of sitting at home while my fam keeps talking abt shaadi. But they keep saying if I do a master’s, I’ll get older n my “age will pass” for marriage. Hearing that again n again makes me feel like I’m running out of time.

I’m just rly confused rn. I don’t wanna get married under pressure just bcz I’m jobless, but I also don’t wanna make decisions out of fear. I wanna build my career, become independent n then choose marriage when I actually feel ready. But rn I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is 😭