u/OyasumiSoul

Salam everyone. I'm Shia and I've been having some doubts lately and just want to talk them through honestly. I'm not trying to attack the religion at all, I genuinely love being Muslim and I want to keep practicing without these doubts weighing on me. Honestly, I'd love nothing more than to be proven wrong on some of these and have it all make sense again. I'd really appreciate honest, patient answers rather than being told not to ask.

First thing I keep getting stuck on is heaven. Why does the Quran spend so much time describing gardens, wine, and pleasure, but barely talks about being close to God? If God is supposed to be the real goal, shouldn't heaven be described mostly in terms of Him rather than everything else? And on a related note, do men really get hur (virgins) in heaven, and is there anything similar promised to women, or is it really mostly described for men? The Quran also says husbands and wives are like garments for each other, which sounds equal, so I don't get why heaven seems to focus on what pleases men without really saying much for women.

The other thing that's been sitting heavy on me is something I've come across online about a husband being allowed to discipline his wife, even involving something physical, as a last step if she's seen as being disobedient. I really hope I'm misunderstanding this, but from what I've read it's described as something that should be light and shouldn't leave marks, but it's still hard for me to wrap my head around how that could be justified at all. I've also seen it mentioned that refusing intimacy could be considered a form of disobedience that leads to this, which is something I'm struggling with, because it feels like it goes against the idea of consent. And I'm also wondering why a husband seems to have steps available to correct his wife if she's seen as being in the wrong, but there doesn't seem to be anything similar for a wife if the husband is the one being unfair or unkind. I'd love to understand if this is really accurate or if I'm missing context, and since I'm Shia, I'd really appreciate hearing specifically what our own scholars say about this, and whether our understanding differs from what I've read elsewhere.

Last question is about apostasy. Is it true that leaving Islam is supposed to be punished by death according to classical scholars, including Shia ones? Is that something still taught seriously today, or is it considered outdated?

There's one more thing that's been really bothering me and I want to ask about it carefully because it's a sensitive topic. From what I've read, it seems like classical Islamic scholarship doesn't really recognize something like marital rape as its own wrong, the way it's understood today, since a husband is seen as having a right to sex within marriage. I've also read that one school of thought specifically allowed a husband to have sex with his wife by force if she didn't have a valid reason to refuse, and that other schools didn't really address it either way, which from what I understand means there wasn't really a clear punishment or protection in that situation specifically because she's his wife. Is this actually true? And if a wife is harmed in some way during this, is that the only thing that was ever really addressed, rather than the act of forcing her in the first place? I really want to understand if I'm reading this correctly or if I'm misunderstanding something, because it's a really difficult thing to sit with if true.

I know some of these are heavy questions, but I'd rather face them honestly than just push them away and pretend they're not there. Thank you so much to anyone willing to take the time to actually engage with this with me.

Salam everyone. I'm Shia and I've been having some doubts lately and just want to talk them through honestly. I'm not trying to attack the religion at all, I genuinely love being Muslim and I want to keep practicing without these doubts weighing on me. Honestly, I'd love nothing more than to be proven wrong on some of these and have it all make sense again. I'd really appreciate honest, patient answers rather than being told not to ask.

First thing I keep getting stuck on is heaven. Why does the Quran spend so much time describing gardens, wine, and pleasure, but barely talks about being close to God? If God is supposed to be the real goal, shouldn't heaven be described mostly in terms of Him rather than everything else? And on a related note, do men really get hur (virgins) in heaven, and is there anything similar promised to women, or is it really mostly described for men? The Quran also says husbands and wives are like garments for each other, which sounds equal, so I don't get why heaven seems to focus on what pleases men without really saying much for women.

The other thing that's been sitting heavy on me is something I've come across online about a husband being allowed to discipline his wife, even involving something physical, as a last step if she's seen as being disobedient. I really hope I'm misunderstanding this, but from what I've read it's described as something that should be light and shouldn't leave marks, but it's still hard for me to wrap my head around how that could be justified at all. I've also seen it mentioned that refusing intimacy could be considered a form of disobedience that leads to this, which is something I'm struggling with, because it feels like it goes against the idea of consent. And I'm also wondering why a husband seems to have steps available to correct his wife if she's seen as being in the wrong, but there doesn't seem to be anything similar for a wife if the husband is the one being unfair or unkind. I'd love to understand if this is really accurate or if I'm missing context, and since I'm Shia, I'd really appreciate hearing specifically what our own scholars say about this, and whether our understanding differs from what I've read elsewhere.

Last question is about apostasy. Is it true that leaving Islam is supposed to be punished by death according to classical scholars, including Shia ones? Is that something still taught seriously today, or is it considered outdated?

There's one more thing that's been really bothering me and I want to ask about it carefully because it's a sensitive topic. From what I've read, it seems like classical Islamic scholarship doesn't really recognize something like marital rape as its own wrong, the way it's understood today, since a husband is seen as having a right to sex within marriage. I've also read that one school of thought specifically allowed a husband to have sex with his wife by force if she didn't have a valid reason to refuse, and that other schools didn't really address it either way, which from what I understand means there wasn't really a clear punishment or protection in that situation specifically because she's his wife. Is this actually true? And if a wife is harmed in some way during this, is that the only thing that was ever really addressed, rather than the act of forcing her in the first place? I really want to understand if I'm reading this correctly or if I'm misunderstanding something, because it's a really difficult thing to sit with if true.

I know some of these are heavy questions, but I'd rather face them honestly than just push them away and pretend they're not there. Thank you so much to anyone willing to take the time to actually engage with this with me.