u/Pale-Spite-3562

Hi everyone, I’m looking for advice.

I (27F) never struggled with acne as a teenager until I turned 18. Literally a few weeks after my 18th birthday, I started really breaking out on my chin in the weeks leading up to my period. I didn't start doing anything differently that I can think of, other than perhaps being a bit more stressed about becoming an adult and the life changes this brought about.

Except for when I'm in my luteal phase, my skin is very clear and even. However, leading up to my period, my skin gets SO BAD and I now have a lot of scarring from this. I am an athlete and do lots of exercise and I am and always have been very into clean eating and having a balanced diet. Over the past 9 years, I have tried lots of different skincare products, but nothing has actually made a difference. I have tried going on the pill - which helped my skin a lot - however, it made me absolutely miserable and I have no desire to start taking it again. It seems like there's nothing I can do for my skin other than accept that it will break out in the weeks leading up to my period.

I noticed that during the summer while I'm out in the sun, I do not suffer from this hormonal acne nearly as much. I get far fewer spots, and the ones I do have clear up extremely quickly. It was for this reason that I started using sun beds about a year ago. I have been doing 10 minutes per week on a sun bed for about a year now, and it has helped with my hormonal breakouts SO MUCH.

However, I am not a naive idiot and I know that sunbeds massively increase my risk of developing skin cancer. I read the other day that even going on a sun bed once increases your risk of developing melanoma by up to 75% and this has really freaked me out. For context, I have an English father who has an olive skin tone and tans very easily and an Irish mother who is very fair and burns easily. I have the strange Irish skin tone which is pale but doesn't really burn... it just sort of stays white unless I am in the sun for 3+ weeks on holiday, at which point I start to tan very quickly. I have noticed that using a sun bed for 10 mins per week has given me faint tan lines and has increased the number of freckles I have (which is skin damage, I'm told) but I have never burnt/felt that my skin is sore from using them.

Please can someone advise me as to whether or not I have damaged my skin from using a sun bed over the past year, and whether I have significantly increased my risk of skin cancer? And, if so, what can I do to reverse this? If the risk is already high and can't be minimised, is it still a bad idea for me to continue using sun beds for 10 mins per week to keep on top of my hormonal acne?

I am scared to stop using sun beds because I am insecure about my spots in the weeks leading up to my period, but I am also scared to continue using them as I am worried about skin cancer!

All replies much appreciated :) thank you!

Hi, I am not asking for medical advice. I am just looking for opinions.

I (27F) never struggled with acne as a teenager until I turned 18. Literally a few weeks after my 18th birthday, I started really breaking out on my chin in the weeks leading up to my period. I didn't start doing anything differently that I can think of, other than perhaps being a bit more stressed about becoming an adult and the life changes this brought about.

Except for when I'm in my luteal phase, my skin is very clear and even. However, leading up to my period, my skin gets SO BAD and I now have a lot of scarring from this. I am an athlete and do lots of exercise and I am and always have been very into clean eating and having a balanced diet. Over the past 9 years, I have tried lots of different skincare products, but nothing has actually made a difference. I have tried going on the pill - which helped my skin a lot - however, it made me absolutely miserable and I have no desire to start taking it again. It seems like there's nothing I can do for my skin other than accept that it will break out in the weeks leading up to my period.

I noticed that during the summer while I'm out in the sun, I do not suffer from this hormonal acne nearly as much. I get far fewer spots, and the ones I do have clear up extremely quickly. It was for this reason that I started using sun beds about a year ago. I have been doing 10 minutes per week on a sun bed for about a year now, and it has helped with my hormonal breakouts SO MUCH.

However, I am not a naive idiot and I know that sunbeds massively increase my risk of developing skin cancer. I read the other day that even going on a sun bed once increases your risk of developing melanoma by up to 75% and this has really freaked me out. For context, I have an English father who has an olive skin tone and tans very easily and an Irish mother who is very fair and burns easily. I have the strange Irish skin tone which is pale but doesn't really burn... it just sort of stays white unless I am in the sun for 3+ weeks on holiday, at which point I start to tan very quickly. I have noticed that using a sun bed for 10 mins per week has given me faint tan lines and has increased the number of freckles I have (which is skin damage, I'm told) but I have never burnt/felt that my skin is sore from using them.

Please can someone advise me as to whether or not I have damaged my skin from using a sun bed over the past year, and whether I have significantly increased my risk of skin cancer? And, if so, what can I do to reverse this? If the risk is already high and can't be minimised, is it still a bad idea for me to continue using sun beds for 10 mins per week to keep on top of my hormonal acne?

I am scared to stop using sun beds because I am insecure about my spots in the weeks leading up to my period, but I am also scared to continue using them as I am worried about skin cancer!

All replies much appreciated :) thank you!

Hi, I am not asking for medical advice. I am just looking for opinions.

I (27F) never struggled with acne as a teenager until I turned 18. Literally a few weeks after my 18th birthday, I started really breaking out on my chin in the weeks leading up to my period. I didn't start doing anything differently that I can think of, other than perhaps being a bit more stressed about becoming an adult and the life changes this brought about.

Except for when I'm in my luteal phase, my skin is very clear and even. However, leading up to my period, my skin gets SO BAD and I now have a lot of scarring from this. I am an athlete and do lots of exercise and I am and always have been very into clean eating and having a balanced diet. Over the past 9 years, I have tried lots of different skincare products, but nothing has actually made a difference. I have tried going on the pill - which helped my skin a lot - however, it made me absolutely miserable and I have no desire to start taking it again. It seems like there's nothing I can do for my skin other than accept that it will break out in the weeks leading up to my period.

I noticed that during the summer while I'm out in the sun, I do not suffer from this hormonal acne nearly as much. I get far fewer spots, and the ones I do have clear up extremely quickly. It was for this reason that I started using sun beds about a year ago. I have been doing 10 minutes per week on a sun bed for about a year now, and it has helped with my hormonal breakouts SO MUCH.

However, I am not a naive idiot and I know that sunbeds massively increase my risk of developing skin cancer. I read the other day that even going on a sun bed once increases your risk of developing melanoma by up to 75% and this has really freaked me out. For context, I have an English father who has an olive skin tone and tans very easily and an Irish mother who is very fair and burns easily. I have the strange Irish skin tone which is pale but doesn't really burn... it just sort of stays white unless I am in the sun for 3+ weeks on holiday, at which point I start to tan very quickly. I have noticed that using a sun bed for 10 mins per week has given me faint tan lines and has increased the number of freckles I have (which is skin damage, I'm told) but I have never burnt/felt that my skin is sore from using them.

Please can someone advise me as to whether or not I have damaged my skin from using a sun bed over the past year, and whether I have significantly increased my risk of skin cancer? And, if so, what can I do to reverse this? If the risk is already high and can't be minimised, is it still a bad idea for me to continue using sun beds for 10 mins per week to keep on top of my hormonal acne?

I am scared to stop using sun beds because I am insecure about my spots in the weeks leading up to my period, but I am also scared to continue using them as I am worried about skin cancer!

All replies much appreciated :)

Okay, so I really need advice. Let me start with a little bit of background.

I am 26 years old and I've had a slightly unconventional upbringing. My dad is very verbally and emotionally abusive, to my mum and I especially but also to my brother (he is 22). My mum is very depressed because of this, but is still functioning. She goes to work, socialises with friends (well, my dad's friends. He has pretty much cut her off from her own friends or makes life very difficult if she wants to see them).

I can never tell what mood my dad will be in from one day to a next. One day he's calling me a princess and the next he's so horrible to me that I have to shut myself in my room until I can stop crying. He hates it when I cry in front of him because he says I'm trying to manipulate him and make him out to be the bad person. I'm not saying I am never in the wrong - for sure, I have made mistakes when it comes to our relationship and to my life in general - but for the most part, he is usually angry with me for no reason or for something outside of my control (for example, if he's had a bad day at work). If I have made a small mistake, his reaction is totally out of proportion to the problem I've caused.

Because of how miserable my dad has made my mum's life, she absolutely lived through my brother and I when we were growing up. She was a very good swimmer as a child, so she was very pushy with my brother's swimming. He was good at swimming but absolutely hated it, but she made him do it for years regardless, even though he told her daily that he wanted to quit. I started gymnastics when I was 3 years old, and made my country's national team when I was 13. I retired from competing three years ago after a serious injury, and both of my parents supported my decision to retire as they were also very freaked out after my accident. However, for the two decades that I was doing gymnastics, my mum was extremely pushy. If I didn't medal at a competition, she wouldn't speak to me for about a week (I am not joking or exaggerating). If I directly asked her a question, she would give me a one word answer, but she would never initiate a conversation between us for the week after a competition when she was disappointed in my performance. I brought this up to her several times during my years of competing as an adult, but she always denied that she was giving me the silent treatment. This was obviously really hard, but fortunately I almost always medalled, so it's not like this was an incredibly regular thing. However, it did of course cause me to feel an immense amount of pressure when I was competing, and looking back on it now, I am so upset that I had such a successful sporting career, and yet never had the opportunity to enjoy it because I was so scared of letting my mum down or being shunned by her. I am still working on the process of forgiving her because I think she deserves that and sacrificed a lot for me to be able to do my sport, and our relationship today is much better now that I am no longer training or competing. She also put me into modelling as a child, and would be upset when I didn't get jobs. Now, thankfully, I am able to continue modelling on top of my main job, and have taken full control of this. My mother doesn't know what modelling jobs I apply for; I only tell her about the modelling jobs that I get.

This is just to give you some background about my life, and now I will move on to why I am writing this post. Another unconventional thing about my upbringing is that I was never allowed to develop any life skills. My dad would not let me load or empty the dishwasher, put clothes in the washing machine or hang them up to dry, handle kitchen knives or learn how to cook. He was even reluctant to let me lay the table at dinnertime. He always told me, "you're a princess, you don't need to do that". Growing up, I thought it was because he really loved me, and I am sure that this is true to an extent. My friends thought I was a brat and spoilt because I didn't have to do, or know how to do, any chores. We didn't have a lot of money, and any spare money that my parents had was spent on mine and my brother's sports, so it's not like I was spoilt in that sense, but I can see what my friends meant by those comments. When I went to university and got a student loan, my dad made me transfer the money into his bank account so that it "wouldn't get stolen" from mine. I always thought that my dad was just overly loving and protective of me, which he probably was to a certain extent, but now I can see that the control that he had over me and my life was probably the main factor driving this behaviour of his. I think unconsciously he knew that if he didn't teach me how to be a functioning adult and learn any life skills, then I would have no choice but to live with him forever. Even now, he jokes that I am not allowed to move out and will stay with him forever because I am his princess. I want to make it clear that there was never any physical or sexual abuse whatsoever. My dad is not like that at all. I think he is scared of the world, so he wants me to stay with him because in his head, he truly is the only person capable of loving and protecting me. I am not excusing his behaviour; I am just trying to put it into context.

Now, I am in the position of being 26 years old, working and saving money to move out of my parents house which I am desperate and determined to do for the reasons above, though buying a house is no small feat in the country where I'm from. Still, I trust that I will get there. But, my question is, aside from the financial side which I am already starting to take care of, where would you start if you were me? I have no life skills. I do not know how to cook or clean, but I am very eager to learn. I do not really know how pensions or taxes or all of that other "adult" stuff works. My dad has always been weird about me dating, so I have never had a boyfriend. I am currently on a Catholic dating app (my family is atheist but I am Catholic which is another source of tension between my father and I, but my mother is supportive. For some reason, I have had a strong faith in God all my life, and this is truly what has kept me going throughout my childhood as there were some really dark moments for me). I have been modelling for years and so I know that I am genetically blessed aesthetically, which I am hugely grateful for as it is another source of income for me, and 'pretty privilege' really does exist, unfortunately. Men frequently ask me out but I always say no as I will only date a Catholic man, hence the reason why I am on Catholic dating apps. However, I have no experience of what a healthy relationship looks like. My wider family is also highly dysfunctional, so it's not like I can look to my grandparents or aunties and uncles as to what a relationship should look like. I, however, am determined to break the cycle, and I pray to God everyday that I am able to.

Where on earth do I start? As I have no life skills, I find life terrifying. I feel like I have so much to learn and that there's so much I was never taught, that I'll never be able to catch up. Because of how my parents treated me (and growing up in the environment of elite sports also) I am terrified of making mistakes. I feel like I am constantly going to be in trouble if I try something and get it wrong. I know these are all things that I need to work on, and I am working through these mental health (if mental health is the appropriate term to use here) struggles. But, where and how do I start to learn how to be a real adult, so that I'm ready to take the leap when I'm financially secure enough to move out, and get married and start a family of my own in the future? I want to move on to the next stage of my life so badly, and yet I am terrified of it at the same time.

I hope that this post makes sense. I am happy to provide additional information if there's something else you need to know in order to give me advice.

Thank you.