u/ParfaitBeneficial903

So guys, I recently finalized my divorce. We were married for four and a half years and together for six and a half.

The separation itself was a bit of a whirlwind. I think I distracted myself quite a bit throughout the process between working full-time, running a side business, and taking up solo travel. Now that the divorce is actually finalized, though, I feel like it's all hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I find myself going back over everything and wondering if I worked hard enough at my marriage, if there was more I could have done to salvage it, and whether this was somehow my final shot at love and having a family. I'm a 36-year-old woman and will be 37 later this year.

The marriage ultimately broke down because of incompatibility, but there were also significant concerns around my ex's behaviour. He seemed to constantly shift from one outlet to another—sports, marijuana, getting blackout drunk, gambling, porn, etc. His substance use eventually became concerning enough that he got sober, but after that, some of those behaviours seemed to shift into other areas.

One of the biggest strains on our marriage was his sexual behaviour online. At one point, he spent around $700 in a single month on cam girls/online sex workers. I also discovered that he had been searching for escorts in our area and while visiting his hometown. There were other instances of dishonesty too, like withdrawing cash at the casino and then using it at a strip club so there wouldn't be an obvious transaction to trace.

We were in couples counselling for about two years. Eventually, the repeated lying and the loss of trust and respect led to the breakdown of our marriage.

The strange thing is that when I type all of this out, leaving seems like the obvious decision. We didn't have children or major shared assets, and the divorce itself was pretty straightforward.

Emotionally, though, it doesn't feel straightforward at all.

I can't seem to shake this feeling that I've failed somehow by being divorced at 36, especially when I thought I'd be at such a different place in my life by now. I'll be 37 this year, I'm planning to freeze my eggs this winter, and I'm trying to move forward—but there's a lot of fear underneath it.

For those who have been through this: how did you stop questioning whether you should have tried harder? And how did you start believing that you were still capable of finding love again and building the life you had envisioned—a lifelong partner, a family, and a future with someone?

I think that's the part I'm struggling with most right now.

Hello!

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I was hoping to get recommendations for hostels for a solo female traveller. I'm 37, would love a social hostel. I got out of a long term relationship and recently embraced travel and would love to make friends, party and explore. I'd prefer a hostel with private rooms...I did the dorm thing in Vietnam and honestly didn't really like sharing a space and washroom. I'm looking for specifically Rio and SP